How to Challenge Your Drinking Stories

[00:00:00] Hey there, it's Lori. I'm so happy that you are here today. I'm grateful to you for listening. It's a good day for a fresh perspective, don't you think?

[00:00:07] Your drinking stories are the internal narratives that occur after you've stopped drinking. They stem from your experiences with alcohol. They focus Primarily on the positive side of drinking. They could sound like negotiations with yourself. You've had a long day. You're stressed. You can have just one drink.

[00:00:26] Then you'll start over again tomorrow. Or they can sound really romantic. It's such a lovely day. Or I'm on vacation. A nice glass of alcohol would be so refreshing right now. Maybe I can have just one. These stories will come up. Let's normalize these stories because when we stop drinking, we do have those positive experiences and reminders and memories that come up about drinking when drinking really helped you.

[00:00:56] And we really want to forget the negative consequences of [00:01:00] drinking. So having this fresh perspective really matters because it empowers you to break. Old patterns. It empowers you to make better choices and adapt to life's challenges without drinking your mindset about being alcohol free matters. And it takes time to shift out of what you believe about those past memories of your drinking.

[00:01:20] I'm not asking you to change these stories, and I definitely don't want you to shoot yourself out of these stories. I want you to challenge them like only you can. You know, you're thinking something like oh my gosh It's been 75 days since I've drank and now I'm romanticizing drinking.

[00:01:35] I shouldn't be thinking this way now. Let's normalize Thinking this way, let's normalize romanticizing drinking. Let's normalize these stories and not drink just because they happen. It's okay. Today I will help you identify your drinking stories and learn how to challenge them in a friendly kind of way so you give yourself a fresh perspective that will support you being alcohol free.

[00:01:58] I'm going to share a few [00:02:00] commonly shared stories among midlife women. I've had these stories and then we're going to look at the other side of the stories because You and I both know there are always two sides to every story. This is the second bonus episode inside the Essential Series, your guide to living alcohol free in midlife and beyond.

[00:02:17] This is a six week podcast series that I've created. I have linked the past episodes in the series below in the show notes, so if you haven't listened to the beginning episodes, I would go back and start there, but you can also listen to this one right now. You know what? Do you, boo. Let's start. There was a time about a year into my sobriety where I realized that these negotiations were coming up, the old memories of drinking. I have my rosé color glasses on and I thought to myself, if you were going to do this damn thing, you have to stop fighting yourself.

[00:02:52] You have to stop negotiating with yourself. After all, you made the choice to stop drinking. Why [00:03:00] not embrace this choice to make the experience much more enjoyable? Let's not make it so hard and shitty. Let's make it what it is. It's challenging, but then it's also rewarding because I was seeing the rewarding side of not drinking.

[00:03:13] But then there was also that little I would like to say the devil and the angel, the devil's on the other shoulder saying, yeah, but what if you see, I was all in on the plan a, which I talked about in the past episode, going all in on plan a live in that alcohol free lifestyle. I quit drinking, but that didn't mean I wasn't entertaining another option.

[00:03:32] And it wasn't plan B where I go back to drinking. It was a what if plan. And in hindsight, it was like my torture plan. I wanted to torture myself. I was romanticizing this vision of myself where I could drink and not suffer the consequences of my drinking. What if I could have just one?

[00:03:48] What if. Because I didn't have a last hurrah that that means I really need a last hurrah to really finalize this relationship. For 30 years,[00:04:00]

[00:04:01] my brain had positive and negative associations with drinking, just like yours does. But we really want to forget the negative ones after we quit drinking. So it takes time for our brain to rewire itself. And the only way we can give it the opportunity to do that is by doing the damn thing, going all in on plan A.

[00:04:19] To change these stories. Nothing changes until we change how we respond to these stories. We've created about alcohol without drinking. You are doing the damn thing. Living alcohol free is happening for you. Whether you want to say it's not consistent, I go back and forth. It's okay. If you've had one day alcohol free, you're doing the damn thing.

[00:04:39] It's happening for you. It's not happening to you. Let's work together to make it the best experience of your life. Okay. Like, why not my my number one recurring story after I quit drinking was Sunday is my favorite day to drink I had a really bad case of the Sunday scary.

[00:04:56] So Sunday was my favorite day to drink I'm not gonna [00:05:00] be able to make it through this day without drinking. What do you think I focused on all week long? I focused on, Oh my God, Sunday's coming. I mean, I would literally wake up in the beginning on Sunday mornings. It's just the pit in my stomach. Like, Oh my gosh, I was stressed.

[00:05:14] It's going to be such a long day and all day long. I focused on drinking. That story is of course. Focused on my past self, that is me believing that for a really long time that I would drink on Sunday to relieve my anxiety. And that was really helpful for me over time, because I wasn't drinking. I wrote a new story because I started to take action and do something different.

[00:05:37] I was doing the opposite on Sundays, complete opposite. I was going to the gym. And so my new story was Sundays are my favorite day to wake up and go to the gym before I spend the day fully clear and present with my family. That is the truth for me today, almost 10 years sober. I get up every Sunday morning.

[00:05:56] It is my sacred time. I go to the gym and [00:06:00] then I spend the day with my family. I mean, I love it so much. The stories that you tell yourself about being alcohol free are either going to drive you forward, where you want to go, or they're going to put you in reverse going back to where you've been, where you are kicking the shit out of yourself because of your drinking.

[00:06:18] And, I want you to go forward, but also, I don't want you to beat yourself up right now. If you're not in that place yet, you're not ready, or you're feeling like, you know, this is so challenging, a fresh perspective for me isn't going to do it. You know yourself, but if you don't start challenging these things that you say to yourself, you will put it in reverse more often than you will move forward.

[00:06:43] Let's take action. To challenge your drinking stories, you have to first acknowledge them. It's essential that you call yourself out on these, and I'm going to give you some examples of those commonly shared stories. As I go through them, I will give you the fresh perspective. I want you to do this [00:07:00] along with me.

[00:07:01] If you feel like you want to pause this episode, go ahead and do it. If you hear one that you can relate to, just go yep. I've got that story as well. And then I'm going to give you a fresh perspective and let these examples inspire you to identify your own, but that is the steps in challenging them.

[00:07:18] You've got to call yourself out probably multiple times a day. Cause if I was going back multiple times a day, I would be talking myself into drinking focused on what I would be missing out on, which I'm going to talk about.

[00:07:31] These thoughts and these stories that we have about drinking is one of our biggest obstacles. And that's why I'm going to talk about that in the next episode, because the drinking thoughts are definitely something that are very motivating to drive us back to drinking. And I don't want that to happen for you because these stories won't go away until you start creating those new stories.

[00:07:51] And that's the fresh perspective.

[00:07:53] Number one story, I can have just one drink. Here's a fresh perspective. I've learned from my past experiences that [00:08:00] one drink can quickly lead to more causing regrets and setbacks.

[00:08:04] Embracing an alcohol free lifestyle empowers me to make clear choices and enjoy life to the fullest without alcohol's limitations, without that filter of alcohol. For me, it wasn't one drink, it was one sip, and that's what alcohol does. Alcohol is a drug, no matter how pretty they package it. It is a drug and it is meant to...

[00:08:26] Want more of and for some of us, we can take it or leave it. But if you are someone and you know yourself, you know, this reality that you are in just like me, that one sip is all I need. It's going to take me back. Get that fresh perspective. If you feel like that fresh perspective doesn't work for you, maybe it sounds a little too fluffy. Turn it into something that you can do for yourself. Again, for me, I can have just one drink. My fresh perspective was, I don't want one drink and one drink doesn't do anything for me.

[00:08:56] Thank you. Honestly, that's a different perspective. That's how I [00:09:00] flipped it around. Number two story. No one will know if I drink. This is one that is shared with many, many women that I have worked with. The fresh perspective here is while it's tempting to think that nobody would notice, you know, deep down that being true to yourself is essential to being alcohol free.

[00:09:22] Honoring your commitment to what you want more than drinking really strengthens the trust that you have in yourself, really strengthens the respect that you have for yourself, and it really helps you build a life that you are proud of. So turn that story, no one will know if I drink into a fresh perspective.

[00:09:41] While it's tempting to think nobody would notice, I know deep down in my heart and soul where it matters the most that being true to myself is essential for me being alcohol free. And it will strengthen the trust that I have, the respect that I have for myself and help me build this lifestyle that I know I'm going to be [00:10:00] proud of.

[00:10:01] The number three story, it's a lovely day. Wouldn't a drink of alcohol be so nice? Let's change this perspective around. There's so many opportunities here because my goodness, I love a lovely day. It's July here in San Diego. I noticed being out in the summer. That is definitely something that will bring up that memory of me drinking.

[00:10:22] And I just kind of float with that memory a little bit and think about, wow, think about how lovely these days are now. They're so. enjoyable. They're longer. They feel like I'm actually in every single second of it. The fresh perspective here is this is a lovely day and I get to remember every second of it and savor the pleasures around me without the numbing of alcohol.

[00:10:45] I'll fully embrace the moment. I will cherish the memories and I will keep a clear mind and a grateful heart for the work that I am doing to be alcohol free. It's totally normal to fantasize about drinking. Let's normalize romanticizing drinking and call it [00:11:00] what it is. It's a fantasy. It's not your reality.

[00:11:03] You know your reality. I know my reality. You were here because you know what happens when you drink, and you are tired of it. You know this, my friend. The fourth story, my friend Barb says, I don't have a problem with alcohol. She thinks I can drink because I've taken time away from alcohol and I don't want to miss out on Barb time. This came up recently in a conversation we were having together in my online community and we worked through it together and it was kind of like the solution came to be we don't have

[00:11:35] to make Barb understand why we are not drinking a fresh perspective could be I value Barb's opinion in other areas But I trust my own self awareness more. I know the road that I'm on and I will stand confidently by my choice to stay alcohol free, because I know it's the better path for my well being.

[00:11:55] I promise you this, if you keep going alcohol free, one day [00:12:00] you will notice just one thing that you'll say, I used to think I was missing out by not drinking, or this was the obstacle that I had created the story for myself when I first stopped drinking that I'm going to miss out.

[00:12:11] It's going to be deprivational. And now I realize I would be missing out so much on this experience with Barb if I was drinking. It's going to happen for you.

[00:12:21] The last story, the fifth story, I've had a stressful day. I deserve a drink. This is the reward that we are giving ourselves. And I challenge you when this comes up, I really want you to look at what is rewarding about drinking versus what isn't rewarding about drinking inside my community.

[00:12:40] I have a 30 day challenge, the alcohol free habit kickstart challenge, and we're in the middle of that right now. Now we're at the beginning kind of right now. And one of my suite members just. Made a pros and cons list and she listed out all the cons of her drinking. She's like, how rewarding is this?

[00:12:56] We've got to give ourselves. The opportunity to [00:13:00] challenge that story for sure because I didn't find drinking rewarding. I didn't find the hangovers rewarding. I didn't find the long term consequences of my drinking. That was adding to my anxiety and my depression. Even when I wasn't drinking. There were so many cons for me to give yourself a fresh perspective.

[00:13:18] Say instead of turning to alcohol as a reward, I'm going to be kind to myself and I'm going to find better ways to cope with that stress. Cause you got to get to the core of it is that's your motivator stress. Like alcohols, it's only giving you a little bit of relief. You know, it's like after that first sip, you get a little bit of relief, but the more that you drink really is bringing those longterm cons to your life.

[00:13:40] I will explore activities that I enjoy and find relaxing knowing that my true rewards will come from taking care of myself. Honoring my choice not to drink, being proud of myself for not drinking, nothing beats self pride, nothing beats self care. And if you view drinking as self care and as a [00:14:00] reward, let's challenge that story to find a different side of self care, like the elevated side of self care.

[00:14:07] And it does take time for our brain to find new rewards that are just as satisfying, if not more so than drinking alcohol. Stay the course. I'm going to say it. I haven't said it yet in this episode. So time is your... Best friend, but you know who your number one best friend is you, if you did not hear your story in these examples, it's okay.

[00:14:26] You're here. You know what you tell yourself when you're not drinking, maybe you want to avoid it like I do, pay attention to it, because if you're going to choose to go all in, plan A, that's what we're here for, plan A, I'm living alcohol free, there's no other option here for me, you've got to start challenging these stories, and if you were telling yourself that you can drink and believing in this alternative universe somewhere where you and alcohol just live happily ever after and you don't suffer the consequences of why you stopped drinking to begin with.

[00:14:57] You're creating that story that you can, you can focus [00:15:00] on. It's going to take time for it to go away, but also you don't have to drink because of it. Like if you have the story, go ahead, normalize it, but don't drink because of it. Because it's never going to go away if you, if you continue to go back.

[00:15:12] And let me just say, you don't have to be a heavy drinker, a problem drinker, an alcoholic to have consequences. You can drink once a month and suffer consequences. Alcohol is a problem when it becomes a problem for you. Period. No one else needs to understand that. Tell Barb to go educate herself somewhere else about alcohol if she wants to.

[00:15:33] You need to understand that for you. We all have a reason why we have chosen to be alcohol free, and that reason matters more than anything else. You must put forth the effort, my friend, that I know that you can, to challenge yourself like only you can if you want to be alcohol free. Protect yourself and your choice to be alcohol free from these stories and start calling yourself out in a friendly way.

[00:15:56] To give yourself that fresh perspective. You deserve the one that turns your [00:16:00] obstacles into opportunities and helps you stay the course that plan a course I'm here for it. And so are you, if I hadn't challenged my stories, I wouldn't be here with you today. I don't know where I would be without giving up alcohol on August 11, 2013, the night that I decided I'm going to pour my wine down the sink, I'm going to stop drinking.

[00:16:23] I feared so deeply everything that I would miss out on in my life. If I wasn't drinking in the past 10 years, because I wasn't drinking. I cannot imagine missing out on what I've given to myself, missing out on being with my son when he was a teenager and being present when he left for college, missing out on the slowness of the holidays and vacations, dancing sober at concerts.

[00:16:49] Oh my gosh, I never thought I would do that. I would miss out on the relationship that I have with my family today. I would miss out on having the relationship with myself today. The one that [00:17:00] reassures me during challenging times that I am all I need to get through them.

[00:17:05] You are all you need to get through these challenging times and man, give yourself a boost up, give yourself that fresh perspective because you're doing it. Why not make it a much better experience for yourself? I would miss out on starting a podcast in my closet and meeting people from all over the world.

[00:17:21] People that I would never have known if I was still drinking on my couch, starting my business and working with women from all over the world. I mean, the list goes on. I could be here all day on all the things that I would miss out on. Give yourself that fresh perspective. One day you'll say to yourself, I can't imagine drinking right now during a challenging time, or I can't believe that I used to feel this way about alcohol.

[00:17:42] And you will feel that freedom from drinking alcohol. You will feel that freedom 100% in your heart and soul. And you will be so proud of yourself that you challenged those old stories that held you back from going all in. You don't have to wait to be proud of yourself today.

[00:17:56] Give yourself a pat on the back for being here. Say yay [00:18:00] me. Remember your mindset about being alcohol free is an essential tool and it takes time to hone. Do not reframe it. Do not should yourself. Give yourself time and space to really look at these drinking stories. What they are, they are your reality.

[00:18:14] Validate them, but also give yourself that opportunity to step in as your friend. Step in as that main character energy that you were given yourself in plan A and A fresh perspective by changing it around. I'm with you all the way. If you want to get this episode and all episodes of 250 and Beyond delivered to your email inbox to make it so much easier to listen the day before they actually air, click on my 250 and Beyond email community linked in the episode show notes to join.

[00:18:43] And if you're ready to explore and create an alcohol free lifestyle and you want inspiration and support and fun ways to make it happen, join the team team alcohol free my virtual community for women over 35 It is such a positive and empowering place to hang with women just like you and me You will find [00:19:00] the link below get on in and start attending meetings this week Up next is episode 256 five essential ways to manage your drinking thoughts and urges without drinking We are going to explore some more practical ways to work through those darn drinking thoughts Those drinking thoughts that really bring on that story the cravings and the urges to drink We're going to work through them together.

[00:19:20] Take care of yourself this week my friend. Peace