We come together now to be real with ourselves about why we’re drinking. When I started drinking socially at 14, it is not why I was still drinking in my late 30’s and 40’s. At forty-five, when I quit, I was doing a lot of couch drinking and not remembering the Lifetime movie I watched the next day.

I was drinking to escape the reality of my shitty job, poor self-image, and the anxiety that I felt, especially as I got into perimenopause. 

I thought drinking was relaxing, but waking up at 3 AM panicking and wondering "did we file our taxes in 2005?" started to change my mind. 

Since I feel like I have an insider scoop because I talk to so many beautiful midlife women who are going alcohol-free, the number one reason why *most* of us drink is based on societal norms. 

It goes to show that no matter what our age, we still want to fit in. I thought I wouldn’t be invited to places, or I would be talked about behind my back, and although that has happened in the past eight years of sobriety, I’m still standing. Better than ever.

Let’s get into some of the facts about women and drinking.

The Statistics

The male-to-female gender drinking gap has narrowed over the last decade, and high-risk drinking is increasing more rapidly among the midlife population groups.

The prevalence of drinking doubled in 2006-2018 for women aged 30 to 50.

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism analysis, excessive drinking accounts for, approximately, one in 10 deaths among U.S. adults aged 20–64 every year. 

COVID-19 related psychological distress behaviors have been linked with increased frequency and heavy drinking episodes among midlife women. From the statistics, every one-unit increase in psychological distress was associated with a 13% increase in midlife women’s number of drinks on the heaviest drinking occasions and a 16% increase in the number of drinks on a specific occasion. 

We're drinking now more than ever and this isn't shocking to me. Midlife brings new challenges to us all.

Why Women Drink

Everyone is different, but through my own experience and coaching women for the past three years, this is what I've found to be true. 

Women in midlife drink to: 

• Relax 
• Unwind
• Reduce anxiety
• Cure loneliness and boredom
• Socialize
• Grieve
• Celebrate
• Fit-in 

Even if you've been drinking since you were a teenager like me, you're drinking may pick up in midlife. We are facing more challenges now than ever; divorce, aging parents, an empty nest, financial stress, and changes in our bodies can motivate us to drink. .

The most important question to ask yourself is why do you drink? Once you have an answer to that, you can decide if you want to continue drinking, or take a break to learn more about yourself alcohol-free.

Why Women Put Off Quitting Drinking

It keeps me up at night knowing how many women in midlife are working hard to keep drinking because the thought of quitting scares them. 

I know this feeling very well.

In 2013, I thought being sober *happened* when you were an alcoholic, not because you chose it for yourself.  

I wasn't ashamed of my drinking back then, I was ashamed of being someone who didn't drink. 

Sociocultural-related stereotypes and stigma are more negative towards female drinking than towards male drinking problems. 

Women put off drinking out of fear of failure, the unknown, thinking that they're *not that bad* (yet), not wanting to miss out, and feelings of shame and embarrassment. 

Please don't let the fear of failing or being left out hold you back from what you want most.

If you desire an alcohol-free lifestyle, go after it with all you have!

You never know who you will inspire by your choice to live life on your terms.

If you are putting off taking a break or ultimately quitting drinking, remember you are not alone. 

Alcohol And Your Mental Functioning 

Drinking can provide emotional relief for a few hours, but it disrupts the delicate balance of brain processes to provide the relaxation effect, increasing the odds of dementia, anxiety, depression, and suicidal feeling.

Drinking also slows your reaction times, coordination, and information processing, especially you get older. .

Drinking and driving put you at a higher risk of traffic accidents and related problems than younger people, even at moderate amounts. 

According to the US National Institute of alcoholism and abuse, too much alcohol in your system can impair judgment and coordination for hours.  

Alcohol and Anxiety

I started drinking - to *cure* social anxiety.  If I could go back and tell myself that 30 years later I'd have anxiety and panic attacks brought on by drinking, my younger self probably wouldn't even have listened. 

We can't go back, but we can change how we experience life going forward, and in my experience, alcohol + anxiety are a debilitating combination.

Drinking alcohol for an extended period increases your anxiety and can have a negative impact on your sleep, daily focus, and ability to relax without the drink. 

At first, alcohol's effects are similar to antianxiety medication.  It can help you reduce your fears, boost your mood, and feel less shy, but it can quickly spiral to the point that you cannot handle the anxiety without alcohol.  

An increase in blood alcohol levels brings excitement and relaxation, but anxiety and depression can set in as soon as the BAC levels begin to decline.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), it’s normal to experience occasional anxiety and depression as we age, but using alcohol as a way of coping is dangerous. It can make your depression worse and increase your dependence on alcohol.

Physical Health

Overconsumption of alcohol alters our blood sugar balance which can lead to hangovers.

Hangover symptoms include: 

•  Headache
•  Vomiting
•  Dizziness
•  Nausea
•  Dehydration 

Alcohol also accelerates the aging process and increases your vulnerability to health complications.

Consumption of alcohol can cause risks to: 

• Cardiovascular Health
• Skin
• Muscles 
• Liver function 

Menopause

Low levels of reproductive hormones increase our risk of osteoporosis, depression, skin changes, and heart problems, but alcohol makes us more vulnerable to their early-onset.

When I was going through perimenopause in my early forties, I started to become *very* aware of my menopause symptoms after a night of drinking. 

Excessive drinking triggers hot flashes, affects your emotional balance, and induces poor sleep. Alcohol can also strip you of nutrients such as magnesium and calcium, which you need most during menopause. 

According to the North America Menopause Society, women who drink alcohol are likely to report more cases of hot flashes and night sweats. 

Most women going through menopause tell me that they can't drink as much as they used to without hangovers and suffering the consequences.

Growing older is inevitable, and you can't stop the aging process; but combining aging with sobriety will help you remain vibrant, do the things you love, and continue to achieve your goals. 

What does it all mean? 

You’ve reached the fork in the road where you can continue to make alcohol work, or you can take a new path towards living alcohol-free. I have a feeling you’re about to make an exciting change in your life - I’m cheering you on! 

Let’s have some REAL talk from one midlife gal to another. Going alcohol-free is a scary decision.

I felt like I was deciding to do something that I just knew I would fail at, and it would be the end of me. I don’t joke when I talk about how scared I was to give up alcohol. But, I was more afraid to continue with my drinking because I knew I wasn’t happy.

If you're at a point where you know you're drinking isn't what you thought it was and you are curious about sobriety, you are going to be a-okay.

Let's talk about the basics of going alcohol-free to get you started.

What Does it Mean to *Go* Alcohol-Free?

Going alcohol-free isn’t about the finish line, it’s about self-discovery, adventure and finding a new way to live. 

Going alcohol-free can be just like going gluten-free. You make a plan not to drink alcohol, and you practice that plan daily. 

Alcohol-free = no alcohol. 

It's definitely not easy, but the longer you go without drinking, the simpler it can be.  

Going alcohol-free later in life supports your overall well-being as you age, just the same as a certain eating or exercise plan.

It’s a choice that, if you let it, can be the best decision of your life. 

What are the benefits of living alcohol-free?

The benefits are extensive, but here are a few of my favorites:

• Deeper sleep 
• Much better mood 
• Healthier skin and teeth
• Weight loss
• Much more self-respect
• More time 
• Way more JOY 
• A stronger sense of self

We all experience alcohol-free differently, but there are so many similarities in the benefits. 

The better question is to ask yourself is "what benefit am I curious about and why?" 

Do you want to feel better? 

Eat better? 

Pay more attention to quality sleep? 

You are the only one who knows for sure.

What is an alcohol-free lifestyle? 

Most people think an alcohol-free lifestyle is one where you simpy don't drink, but it's so much MORE.

Sure, alcohol-free living means you don't drink, but it also means you have more: 

• Self-respect 
• Confidence 
• Self-care 
• Energy 
• Time 
• Clarity + focus 
• Love for yourself 

It's the lifestyle that gives you MORE than you ever thought possible. 

An alcohol-free lifestyle is badass as you age. 

I believe drinking is the easy road; going alcohol-free is the road less traveled where character is built, and freedom exists.

Get Started 

Make a pact with yourself. Your word to yourself matters most! Honor your word like you would when you give it your BFF.

If you don’t want to drink or you want to take a break - make a pact and repeat that pact in the mirror multiple times throughout the day. 

If you're afraid of commitment, dive into that. Where does that story come from? What proof do you have that you can’t commit to yourself? 

Is it from the 80’s when you told yourself you weren’t going to drink but then you did? Or is it based on something completely different like a broken relationship - divorce - career change. 

You’re allowed to change your mind. If you tell yourself you’re afraid of commitment because you think failure is going to be shameful - shift your mindset and say: this is for right now, I’m trying this a/f lifestyle out. It’s not forever. 

I’d much rather fail at something so life-changing than never try because I was scared I would fail. Come on, sister, you got this!

Take a Break or Cut Back 

My #1 suggestion for my clients is to keep sobriety simple by creating a plan for yourself and a short-term goal - say 90-days. 

I believe you need at least 90-days of consistent sobriety before you can decide what you want to do next. When I hit 90-days, I realized that I could never go back. You need to realize what is best for you. 

You don’t have to get overwhelmed by all the bells and whistles, just focus on what you want most and be realistic about how long it will take to reach.

Trying to figure out your drinking while drinking is counterproductive. Decide to take a break or join a support group and commit to yourself to follow through.

Focus on Creating New Habits 

When I first quit drinking, I made a habit out of going to the gym. 

I was very inconsistent with my exercise for decades so I thought why not!

Building new habits that will support you living alcohol-free can be super simple and provide you with quick wins.

Make your habits tiny + mighty instead of setting a big goal for yourself.

For example, if you want to start an exercise program, start with putting on your workout clothes first thing in the morning.

If you want to start journaling, start with one sentence, not an entire page.

Keep your habit small so you reap the reward of achievement, which is one of the best rewards we can receive.

Connection is Queen

 
If there were one *magic* pill to accomplish something you want to achieve, like living alcohol-free, it would be to get connected. First to yourself, then to others who *get you*.

When starting on this a/f journey, self-awareness is a must!

Once you practice being honest with yourself and holding that pact you make, you can change your life.

An alcohol-free lifestyle thrives off of self-awareness. Get REAL with yourself about what you want, don't want, and why taking a break from alcohol matters.

Next, find a friend, a group, a mentor or coach, or use social media to connect to other women in midlife who are going alcohol-free.

You are not alone, and you don't have to do this on your own.

Create a Setback Plan

One of the biggest fears we have when we quit drinking is failure.

It's natural to fear failure, but it doesn't have to keep you stuck at the starting line. 

Here is a suggestion for a simple setback plan that will get you up and moving forward:

1. Offer yourself self-compassion - you're human, not perfect.
2. Write in your journal about your experience and how you feel. 
3. Talk it out with a trusted friend or family member.
4. Get back on track the next day by doing one of your favorite non-drinking activities - Netflix, gym, walking, coffee date, creative venture. 

Lastly, create a mantra that will remind you that you don't have to go back to drinking; you can move forward without slips. 

My mantra when I quit drinking was whatever it takes. I still use it today. 

Be Patient

The power of patience is life-changing when it comes to getting to the other side of drinking. 

As midlife women, we know that anything worth having takes time to achieve.

Keep your expectations neutral when it comes to the time it will take you to feel better, and be confident in your choice to live an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Go slow and focus on what you're adding to your life along the way.

Conclusion

I believe 100% that there is inner work that needs to be done when you transition from being a drinker to being a non-drinker no matter what your level of drinking is. 

Alcohol, for many of us, has become a relationship and when you let go of any relationship, there is a time of sadness, anger, resentment, and loss.  

Give yourself time to work through these feelings and emotions and know that it is something that is normal and felt by women worldwide.

These feelings and emotions are not too hard for you to face and once you sit with them without allowing alcohol to take them away, you will prove to yourself that you are capable of living an alcohol-free lifestyle. 

If you’re 8 months in or 8 days in and you’re struggling with accepting a/f living FOREVER, know that today is not going to be the same as tomorrow or next year. 

If living alcohol-free is something you desire, keep going.

I'm with you.