5 Essential Questions to Ponder to Help You Take a Break from Drinking

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[00:00:00] Hey there! It’s Lori. I'm glad you're here. If you're ready to give yourself a break from drinking but you aren't sure it's the right choice, you're stuck in decision fatigue, should I or shouldn't I, or you've had breaks before and are feeling discouraged or unsure about starting another one, my mission in this episode is to help guide you through a series of five essential questions.

[00:00:19] And a bonus question, which was one of my favorite questions that I asked myself before I quit drinking that will help you move forward and create a plan to take a break from drinking, so you get some space between you and alcohol.

[00:00:31] I feel like that's the essential space where you have more clarity about why you're drinking and what you can do to manage why you are drinking on your own. This is the first bonus episode inside the Essential Series, your guide to living alcohol free and midlife and beyond. This is a six-week series.

[00:00:48] I've linked the first episode, Transitioning to an Alcohol Free Lifestyle, what it does and doesn't take, in the show notes,

[00:00:54] and to gain access to early episodes and bonuses and some extra tips and support [00:01:00] during the series, simply click the link in the show notes to join my exclusive 250 and beyond email community. It's so exclusive. You're going to get the episodes and the bonuses a day early before they air. I think that's pretty cool.

[00:01:13] Okay, let's start. There are so many physical, mental, and emotional benefits to taking a break from drinking. We all experience these benefits at different times, at different levels. Here are some of my favorite benefits of giving yourself a break in midlife and beyond. This is where I feel like you're going to get the most out of this.

[00:01:30] Time to gain clarity on what is driving you to drink and discover alternative responses, which I'm going to talk about today. Time to learn how to manage your emotions and life experiences without relying on alcohol. We need time. We need that space to be able to say, Okay, you know what?

[00:01:48] I'm feeling this thing. I'm feeling the way I feel when I normally drink. What else can I do for myself without drinking? And time to recognize and differentiate how you feel alcohol free versus how [00:02:00] you feel drinking.

[00:02:01] I've said it repeatedly throughout this podcast. Time is your best friend if you want to change your drinking. Time is our best friend if we want to change anything in life. Rome wasn't built in a day. This stuff is challenging. It doesn't happen overnight. A break can be a week, a weekend, a day off. or longer.

[00:02:19] You decide how much time you would like to spend distancing yourself from alcohol to make sense of what you want more than drinking. In my experience, it was impossible for me to figure out what I wanted to do about my drinking or what I really wanted in life after 30 years of drinking while drinking, but I tried.

[00:02:36] I really did try. I spent two years questioning my drinking before I quit on August 11, 2013, and when I was questioning my drinking, I would spend hours exhausting myself Googling, am I an alcoholic? How can I moderate my drinking? Why can't I moderate my drinking? Google, please tell me. What do I do if I can't moderate my drinking?[00:03:00]

[00:03:00] Should I stop drinking?

[00:03:01] I asked these questions out of fear. Out of really trying to make alcohol fit into my life. And I was really fearing the inevitable because I knew in my heart and soul, which I think is where it hits us the most, in my heart and soul, I knew that no matter what answer I got from Google, that I would at some point have to remove alcohol from my life.

[00:03:23] It was inevitable. And I know that's the case for many of us. And I'm gonna talk a little bit more about, you know, being ready and not pressuring yourself. The decision fatigue was definitely wearing me out. I was focused on my past and my drinking self, not my future self.

[00:03:38] These five essential questions aren't about how alcohol is affecting you today. They are focused on the impact of your drinking moving forward tomorrow. If you have concerns about alcohol withdrawal, it is important to consult your medical provider before taking a break from drinking. Please get support and especially if you are worried about it, because I know that fear and I [00:04:00] know that it's going to keep you drinking.

[00:04:02] And so if you can get to a point with asking for help, I know that's not easy. Please do that for yourself. You can find the five essential questions in the show notes to come back to, or you can pause this episode, head outside with your walking shoes on to contemplate and ponder them in nature as I go through each.

[00:04:20] Take action today by answering these questions to the best of your ability and give yourself a break from any negative judgment of yourself and trying to get the answers. Perfect. We're not here for that. You can listen to this episode as many times as you want.

[00:04:34] The questions are presented in I and me forms to encourage self-inquiry, because I feel like when you do that, you create a sense of connection with yourself by asking yourself these questions, as you would a friend that you're concerned about, a friend that is curious about going alcohol free, You can approach yourself with curiosity and genuine care for your wellbeing and be kind to yourself along the way.

[00:04:57] When we do that, we become our best support [00:05:00] system. The five essential questions are, number one, what experiences do I value more than drinking alcohol in my daily life? This question helps you identify and prioritize the long-term experience you want more than the quick fix of drinking alcohol.

[00:05:14] Number two, why do these experiences or experience matter to me? This is where you add meaning, your why power. Which is your reason or reasons you don't want to drink? Number three, what motivates me to drink? What role does alcohol play in my life when I am met with a, call it a trigger, an urge, a craving to drink?

[00:05:37] This is the best question you can ask yourself to learn more about your drinking patterns and what is driving you there. Number four. If alcohol wasn't an option, how would I manage those motivations? This is where you step into the role that alcohol has played or plays in your life, and you experiment with different things to help you manage what you are using alcohol to manage.

[00:05:59] Number [00:06:00] five, how can I create a supportive environment that aligns with my decision to break from drinking? You take charge and you create an action plan by starting with a few small things to ease your mind during your break so you can focus on the perks of being alcohol free. And my bonus question.

[00:06:16] This is the question that I asked myself repeatedly toward the end of my drinking. What is the end game here, Lori? My friend, what is this relationship with alcohol? Do you want it to improve? Is that what you're working really hard to do? Yes, I was. I wanted it to improve. It wasn't improving, and I started to envision my future self.

[00:06:38] Envision your future self. Are you content with moderation? or are you continuously wearing yourself out to try to make alcohol work? And do you see yourself embracing an alcohol-free lifestyle as the best option for you?

[00:06:51] And I will walk you through these questions, but again, please pause if you feel like it, or come back later so you can really answer them when you're ready. [00:07:00] Number one, what experiences do I value more than drinking alcohol in my daily life? Please don't overthink this one. Tell yourself what you love about not drinking or what you look forward to without drinking.

[00:07:11] I value sleep, waking up early, and managing my emotions without numbing them. Back when I made the choice to go alcohol free, I really was looking forward to all of those things. I was looking forward to having more focus, more energy, and honestly in hindsight, I was really looking forward to personal accountability with myself. I really wanted to learn how to trust myself. That was something that seemed very foreign to me. I wanted to be able to trust myself and I wanted to be able to hold myself accountable to what I wanted more than drinking.

[00:07:46] And we can find so much. There is so much value in being alcohol free if we allow ourselves to, and that's why we're here. Draw attention to these things today because oftentimes it's not what you're thinking about before you take a break [00:08:00] from drinking. Write it all down. I had a client recently tell me it was one of the best things I've ever heard.

[00:08:05] There is so much value in feeling your feelings. And I couldn't agree more. If you can't think of anything, let's make it easier for you right now. Why are you here with me? Why are you listening to this podcast? Say it out loud. Number two, why do these experiences that I want to have matter to me? And why does that matter to me?

[00:08:28] Why power over willpower and your why power is why you don't want to drink today. It's meaningful to you. It gives you the power to keep going. Mine was to feel better. Tomorrow, I wanted to feel better today and I wanted to feel better tomorrow and feeling better mattered to me because you got to get down to, well, why does that even matter to you?

[00:08:48] Because I was so tired of feeling like I could barely get through the day. That's it. Initially, my why power was to feel better. And over time it expanded because I started to feel the perks of not [00:09:00] drinking. I had less anxiety. I had more energy. I had better focus. I was in a much better mood. I was able to respond to things without lashing out like I was while I was drinking.

[00:09:12] And those things... Trump willpower. I started focusing on that. But again, we got to give ourselves time to really experience those things. If you think you have to have willpower to do this, I get it. But I had next to zero willpower. I had Y power. So if you can't think of a reason why, or you're overcomplicating this one, or making it, have to be more of a reason.

[00:09:33] It's gotta be better. It's never reason enough, right? Go again with what brought you here to me and please let that be enough. You know what brought you here. There is something going on where you feel like this is the reason why I want to explore a podcast episode about the essential questions I want to ask myself to take a break from drinking.

[00:09:54] Number three, what motivates me to drink? What role does alcohol play in my life? [00:10:00] If you and I were sitting across the table together having a cuppa, and I asked you. What do you feel is driving your motivation to drink today? What is the first thing you would say? Say it out loud. Say it out loud. All right, I hear you.

[00:10:15] You can call these motivators, triggers, or cues, or reminders. What is bringing you to the drink, my friend? What is one thing, just start with one. My one thing before I quit drinking was anxiety. I thought, which, spoiler alert, I learned after I quit drinking that alcohol was adding to my anxiety long term.

[00:10:34] And it only takes it away for a very short time. For many women, the things that drive them to drink, spouse or partner, somebody being in the home drinking being in the kitchen cooking, that's a big one, work stress, Aging and health concerns, you know, everything that goes along with aging, you know, it's.

[00:10:54] challenging. And there's loneliness, empty nest, you know, all of the list of things that we can say, [00:11:00] you know, are driving us to drink. It can go on and on. We share similarities, but you have a reason why you turned to alcohol. And I know, again, this is something that we want to just push to the side and avoid.

[00:11:11] I did. But there's something that brought you here today. Acknowledge what you think. Or believe it is today as a starting point, because more answers will unfold as to why you are drinking when you're not drinking. If alcohol were a person. What role would it play in managing your motivators? The role that alcohol played in my life was ride or die, which I talked about in episode two 41.

[00:11:36] I'm going to link it in the show notes, exploring your relationship with alcohol and why it matters. Because I really went into detail based off of my work that I've done with so many women over the years and like the roles that they were describing to me I suggest listening to that one for sure.

[00:11:51] Because what happens when you identify that, like my ride or die, I used alcohol to celebrate, to commiserate, to [00:12:00] socialize. Like I said, to relieve my anxiety. It had my back. And so it's really important to identify it so you know, like, what is it that I'm leaning on alcohol to do for me? And then build yourself up because you're the only one that can do that for yourself. Alcohol is just a temporary mask.

[00:12:18] You are the one that role. Which is question number four. If alcohol wasn't an option, how would I manage? Those motivators in my life to drink. Let's take it back to 1920 when prohibition began. Alcohol is no longer an option. What do you do when this motivation hits?

[00:12:39] You are stepping into this role. I stepped into the ride or die role. And it's so badass. It's only for the courageous. So, you're here. You're badass and you are courageous. When you go all into an alcohol free lifestyle and you create a plan A where alcohol is off the table, I'm using all my hands right now.

[00:12:57] I've got them up in the air, man. [00:13:00] I'm so passionate about this one. When you take it off the table, and if you're taking a break, like, I'm focused on plan A right now, there is no plan B because I took it off the table. It may be an option to others, but it's not an option for me right now. You have no choice.

[00:13:14] But to figure out what helps you manage your drinking motivators. And again, that's where I wanted to find that personal accountability, because I was the only one, and you are the only one, that will hold you accountable to that plan A. Ease your mind here, friend, and list what you can do to help yourself as you would help a friend.

[00:13:32] Because that's your prep work right there. But I'm going to take a break. I want to prepare myself. What exactly am I dealing with here? What is it that is driving me and what can I do for myself to take that wheel? For me, my list started with writing about my feelings and what I was experiencing while drinking.

[00:13:50] And I talked about my sober journal in the last episode. I highly recommend writing about your experience while drinking and during a break to gain better insight into what you were doing. [00:14:00] To work through those urges to drink and also highlight those perks that you're experiencing.

[00:14:05] So writing about it was really big for me. And then also, I really turned to exercise, keeping busy with cleaning and organizing, and really talking to my husband about how I felt. That really helped me get it out. I'm going to go over some more ways that you can help manage your drinking thoughts, and those motivators in an episode.

[00:14:29] I'm going to share some things that have worked for a lot of women that I've worked with. Keep your list as a reminder when those motivators hit. Literally keep it on your phone, keep it on a post it, add it somewhere where you can see it. Number five, how can I create a supportive environment that aligns with my decision to take a break from drinking?

[00:14:49] Another stellar way to step into the role and make a plan that will help support your choice. Thank Start with one thing you can do to clean up your environment today and give yourself some support. Here are a [00:15:00] few suggestions. Get connected to an alcohol free community that understands where you are and is working with you on where you want to go and this is a Great time for me to share with you that I have a great online community for women, 35 and over team alcohol free.

[00:15:16] I'm going to link it in the show notes. There is a 30 day challenge to help you kickstart a break from drinking. Well, what's most important about this community. And you're going to hear me say it multiple times. Are the women that are in there and the connections that are being made because these women felt alone just like you may feel alone and they joined this community, even though they were really scared to do it and we are all there and it's about fun and self improvement and encouraging and supporting each other.

[00:15:44] And just saying, you know, I understand where you're coming from and listening if you don't feel comfortable, join a sober community. I totally get it. Talk to someone close to you about your intention to take a break from drinking so you can get.

[00:15:56] Extra accountability and support. And again, just [00:16:00] letting out how we feel instead of letting it fester will be really one of the best things you can do for yourself. So you don't have to reach for alcohol to take it all away, get it out. And then lastly, clean up your stash, remove the temptation to drink from your home and replace it with non alcoholic options

[00:16:18] that you enjoy as I mentioned in the last episode. It really takes those small changes to transition to an alcohol free lifestyle So during your break find small changes that support you and not drinking and write about them So you can document what is working for you and the bonus question I have for you to ponder today What is the end game here and say it out loud insert your name at the end.

[00:16:41] What is the end game? Gail, what is the end game? Susie? I'm thinking of names for me. What is the end game? Laurie, your relationship with alcohol, what do you want to come from this? And honestly, I'm going to be really honest in how I was talking to myself. And I want [00:17:00] you to hear it. Do you honestly think that you're going to be able to moderate your drinking ever?

[00:17:06] You've tried. You've exhausted yourself. There is no amount of willpower that you are going to be able to muster up to be able to have just one drink. Cause that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to moderate by drinking one drink. I had no interest in one drink. Honestly, in hindsight, I finally figured out it's just one sip.

[00:17:27] I can't get to one sip. Because I want more and more and more and more and I envisioned my future self. I didn't want to be 30 years and more into this relationship with alcohol. I had a feeling of how it was going to play out and it wasn't going to be good for me. And so I really envisioned my future self and I reminded myself of her every day after I stopped drinking because she started to matter to me more.

[00:17:51] Then what was mattering to me in that moment where I felt like, Oh my gosh, I got to take it all away. I want you to ponder this question. What is the [00:18:00] end game? And man, again, please don't judge yourself for this. Are you telling yourself it's not that bad yet? Or you're listing all the reasons why not drinking isn't something you think you need.

[00:18:11] Be honest with yourself, because self awareness, like I mentioned in last episode, it's key. Self awareness will get you started. I don't believe in waiting for the consequences to increase. That's what happens with drinking alcohol, it progresses.

[00:18:24] I don't believe in a rock bottom. I had plenty of those, I just wasn't acknowledging them. And I don't believe in pressuring yourself to take a break from drinking. Just like I don't believe in anyone else pressuring you to do this. If you are feeling pressure, From yourself, write down how you feel about this question to ease your mind.

[00:18:41] Do you need more time? That's okay. If you're not ready, you're not ready. But I believe, like I mentioned in last episode, self awareness and willingness, having that willingness to explore a break from drinking is what you need more than being ready. Today, because of my personal experience, I have to share that with you.

[00:18:59] [00:19:00] I wasn't ready to stop drinking. I didn't want to stop drinking, but I was really willing and ready to feel better. I was willing to see how not drinking would help me feel better tomorrow. I was very uncertain about if being alcohol free was going to help going into my sobriety.

[00:19:15] And I learned pretty early on that no matter what, alcohol was never going to help me with anything. It wasn't a solution anymore because I realized after a while, like, it really wasn't helping me with anything. Life's happening whether we're drinking or not. And that was a certainty I needed to keep going.

[00:19:32] So, if you're looking for certainty that this has to be the thing for me, I have to do this forever please check in with yourself today, my friend, and allow yourself to just find that willingness inside of you. You're willing to listen to this podcast episode today. It's not easy to do. I know this. I wanted to put my head in the sand.

[00:19:50] I didn't want you to hear any of this stuff. You're here. You're courageous. Like I said, this is a bad ass move on your part. Just listening to this podcast. So write down how you [00:20:00] feel about this. You know, can you get yourself to the point where maybe all I really am looking for is a certainty that alcohol is not going to help me, that could be it.

[00:20:09] Let's recap the five essential questions. What experiences do I value more than drinking alcohol in my daily life? Remember that this question helps you identify and prioritize the long term experience you want more than the quick fix of drinking alcohol. Number two, why do these experiences matter to me?

[00:20:26] This is where you add that meaning. Get your why power. Write it down on a post it right now. Take action. This is why. Not drinking today matters to me tomorrow. Number three, what motivates me to drink? What is that role that alcohol plays in my life? Go further into this. The best question you can ask yourself to learn more about your drinking patterns and those urges to drink.

[00:20:49] And number four, if alcohol wasn't an option, how would I manage those motivations? Step into that role that alcohol has played in your life and write down the things that you [00:21:00] can do to manage what is motivating you to drink. And number five, how can I create a supportive environment that aligns with my decision to break from drinking?

[00:21:08] You take charge, you create an action plan, and you start with those small steps to ease your mind during your break. And get to that bonus question. And just let yourself kind of explore it with, I'm going to say it again, kindness and no judgment. Whatever information you can learn about your drinking will help you move forward, whether taking a break or going alcohol free as a lifestyle choice.

[00:21:30] You're stuck in that decision fatigue and you're tired of thinking about drinking. You are not alone. I'm sending you out with a big virtual hug. I appreciate you for being here. I will see you next time with five practical tips to help you stop drinking. Remember to join 250 and beyond my email community to get additional tips and receive the episodes a day early.

[00:21:50] And if you need support and want to create an alcohol-free environment, that will be your first step. Join the team. Team Alcohol Free, such a fun, positive, and supportive [00:22:00] place to be to hang out with new friends. We get you. We've got you. The link is in the show notes. See you next time. Peac