A Look Inside an Online Sober Community with Janet Gourand
If you're sober curious or already committed to an alcohol-free lifestyle, but find yourself craving connections with others on the same path, this episode is for you.
In this episode, we'll introduce you to an easier solution for connecting with like-minded individuals online.
I’ve invited, the incredible, Janet Gourand back to the podcast for the second time.
Janet is the Founder of Tribe Sober, an online sober community for men and women, and the host of the podcast by the same name, the Tribe Sober podcast.
Back when I quit drinking in 2013, online sober communities weren’t as much of a thing, but today they are, which is great news!
It’s scary to think about going to a meeting in person in the beginning. An online community is a smoother transition into sobriety because you can join a meeting without talking or even showing your beautiful face.
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[00:00:00] Lori Massicot: Hey there. Welcome to two 50 and beyond. I am Lori. I'm the midlife sobriety coach and founder of team alcohol free and online community for women 35 and over. I'm so happy that you're here. If you're new to the podcast, this is where we meet weekly to talk about living alcohol free later in life. You're returning back to the podcast.
[00:00:20] Lori Massicot: You know, I'm going to say, I appreciate you. I'm giving y'all big virtual hug. I want to let you know, for those of you who tune into the podcast regularly, I release episodes every Wednesday, taking a two week hiatus, and I will be back November 22nd to finish out 2023 with a bang we all need to take a step back every now and then.
[00:00:41] Lori Massicot: And take a break in the meantime, please cruise the extensive library of two 50 and beyond episodes. There are many, many, many of them. I'm going to link some listener favorites down in the show notes, including the first episode from our very special guest today, Janet Garron. Janet is the incredible host of the popular podcast Tribe [00:01:00] Sober and she is here to break down everything you need to know about joining an online sober community because it can be scary and it can also be life changing.
[00:01:09] Lori Massicot: And I specifically asked Janet here to talk about this topic because she's one of the originals. She founded her community in 2015. It is also called Tribe Sober. She's an advocate for connecting people in sobriety so they get the support that they need. Janet is someone I have great respect for. She really represents the 250 and beyond gal, and I think she's super cool.
[00:01:30] Lori Massicot: I know you will appreciate this episode and hearing Janet's journey to sobriety as she talks about what led her there and what she did after she stopped drinking. So let's go. Hi, Janet.
[00:01:41] Janet Gourand: Hi, Laurie, lovely to talk to you, lovely
[00:01:45] Lori Massicot: to talk to you. Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you. I'm going to share your episode that you were on previously for 250 and beyond.
[00:01:52] Lori Massicot: But for those of you who don't know your story, can you give us a little bit of what led you to
[00:01:57] Janet Gourand: sobriety? I think my story, [00:02:00] Laurie, is fairly typical. I covered alcohol in my team, like many of us do. It just made me feel relaxed and like I fitted in, et cetera. And then I started my career and I became a mom and the pressures of the family and um, the career were clicking in and gradually I evolved from drinking socially to drinking alone at home.
[00:02:25] Janet Gourand: And I still remember coming in from the office all flustered. The first thing I would do before taking my coat off often was to go to the fridge, open that bottle of wine and think. You know, now I can, so I was using it to self medicate. And I think that is, that is a, a red flag, isn't it? So age wise, you know, until I was in my forties, it was, I was okay, but then it started to take hold.
[00:02:53] Janet Gourand: And I only realized how dependent I was when I tried to take a break. And that's why I'm always [00:03:00] saying to people, you know, if you're a bit worried about your drinking, just take a break. And if it's really hard to take a break, then you've got your answer. But if it's not, you're fine, probably. Anyway, I couldn't, but I was in denial for a long time, so I would do dry January and I would white knuckle my way through it and fall on the wine in February and think, oh, I'm fine because I did dry January.
[00:03:24] Janet Gourand: But of course I was using willpower and I know now that that's not the answer. So, I was, you know, well into my fifties, and then I got breast cancer, and of course now it's very well documented how, how big the link is between drinking heavily and breast cancer, but I didn't know at the time, and nobody at the hospital pointed it out, I must admit, so I carried on drinking after that.
[00:03:51] Janet Gourand: And it was only when I got into my early 60s that I really decided that I had to make a change because by that time I [00:04:00] was having blackouts. And that's what really frightened me. I would start losing parts of the day and I knew that I'd been harming my body by that time. The breast cancer spoke for itself, you know, that it was in the public domain by then, the link.
[00:04:17] Janet Gourand: So I knew that I'd been harming my body, but I think as you get older, the thought that you're damaging your brain, you know, that is the very last thing you want, isn't it? To keep your, your mind sharp. So that's, that was my real wake up call. What, what I did was that I woke up on a Monday morning and I said to my husband, that's it, I'm done with alcohol.
[00:04:39] Janet Gourand: I'm never drinking again. And to be fair to him, he didn't say, Oh, I've heard that before. Because previously I'd always said, I'm going to cut down, I'm going to cut down, because I just couldn't imagine my life without wine. I mean, how would that even work? I always thought I'm going to moderate, I'm going to cut down, and that was the mistake I made.
[00:04:59] Janet Gourand: So on that [00:05:00] day, I decided that whatever it took, I would have to stop drinking. So I trotted along to AA and didn't really get on very well there because I'm a bit of a feminist and when they started telling me how powerless I was, I was getting very cross. So just, it wasn't for me. I know it works for plenty of people.
[00:05:20] Janet Gourand: And I carried on looking, and I was living in South Africa at that time, and I found a one day workshop in London, run by an organization called Club Soda. And I went to this one day workshop, and it was, it was people like me, basically. It was women with good jobs, nice families, that have just got into trouble with their wine habits.
[00:05:42] Janet Gourand: So I could relate to those people straight away, whereas the AA crowd, you know, they were drinking in the morning and crashing their cars and, you know, I wasn't in that league yet. I was probably on the way, but I wasn't that serious yet. So these ladies, you know, I could relate to them. We swapped [00:06:00] numbers.
[00:06:00] Janet Gourand: We stayed in touch. They gave us some tools to use, sober tools, and it worked for me. And then I got back to South Africa. And when I was about six months alcohol free, I felt like a different person. I felt so good. And I thought, wow, you know, this is really something. And I wanted to help other people to do what I'd done.
[00:06:24] Janet Gourand: And my background is in training and development. I was an HR director for a long time. And I thought, well, you know, I'm, I'm an executive coach and I've run thousands of workshops in a corporate space. So why don't I transfer those skills? to Tribe Sober. So I created this community and we started off by just running workshops because that was very much my comfort zone.
[00:06:49] Janet Gourand: So it was a bit like the one that I'd been to in London. And that worked very well, and this was physical workshops, it was pre pandemic, so people used to come. I ran them [00:07:00] all over South Africa, and then I ran them in London as well. And gradually people started saying to me, well, we want a follow up, and the bond at these workshops was deep, because it's about the power of vulnerability.
[00:07:14] Janet Gourand: When you sit there and tell a crowd of strangers just how low this thing has brought you and just how unhappy you are. The bond is, is so deep. So these people wanted to stay in touch with each other, and they wanted more content and more input from me. Because by that time, I'd realized that this journey isn't just about quitting drinking.
[00:07:38] Janet Gourand: It's, that's maybe 10 percent of the journey, but the other 90 percent is change, is reconfiguring your life. And, you know, building an alcohol free life that you love, really. So that's what we've kind of focused our whole membership on and the workshops. So the, the membership was born because people that [00:08:00] came to the workshops wanted to be connected with each other and it works really well.
[00:08:06] Janet Gourand: Yeah.
[00:08:06] Lori Massicot: Oh, congratulations on all of your work and I know I loved it. In the beginning, before we started recording, I chose you because there's several different options today, which is wonderful, right? It's not just AA and I'm all for AA who wherever you can get the support and it works for you, right? But there are several options for people to have community and have support because yeah, you're right 10 percent It's not just one and done.
[00:08:32] Lori Massicot: It's you know, I'm gonna quit drinking, but then you need that ongoing Inspiration and encouragement and people cheering you on and we don't always get that within our inner circle, even though we are loved and supported there, it's just in a different way. We got to be around other people who are doing the thing right and get that support.
[00:08:52] Lori Massicot: So congratulations. I'm curious. How did you come up with the name tribe sober?
[00:08:56] Janet Gourand: Tribeside was a rebrand after we'd done two or three years [00:09:00] as World Without Wine, I called us to start with. What was it, Janet? What was it? World Without Wine.
[00:09:08] Lori Massicot: World Without Wine, I
[00:09:09] Janet Gourand: love it. But it was, I decided, and it was, I guess the community thing because by, after we'd been doing World Without Wine for three years, the community side was so strong.
[00:09:22] Janet Gourand: And we, we just started calling ourselves the tribe and I thought, I wonder if I should change the name. Because the other thing that I didn't quite like about World Without Wine was it's about deprivation without, we're going to take the wine away. Whereas, I want people to realize that this is a journey to be excited about, not to be depressed about.
[00:09:45] Janet Gourand: It's an opportunity to change your life in ways, you know, that you, you never dreamed were possible. I mean, you and I have both experienced that.
[00:09:56] Lori Massicot: Absolutely. And that's so cool that you changed it up [00:10:00] because honestly, that's what it's about. You start something and then you got to see how it works and it's fine to change things up.
[00:10:06] Lori Massicot: And I feel like that, that branding and everything that you have created there. It's very powerful.
[00:10:15] Janet Gourand: Yeah. I mean, we're, we're definitely a tribe and we believe that connection is the opposite of addiction because when, as I got more and more addicted, My, my world got smaller and smaller and I got more and more isolated because I didn't want to socialize.
[00:10:31] Janet Gourand: I wanted to stay home, you know, with, with my wife. So that once you connect, you know, you can, you can change, change everything. It's, it's been interesting how our tribe has evolved because we started off, I mean, we started the membership six years ago now, I think. And how, how it evolves is people, some people stay with us for a few months and they do the habit [00:11:00] change bit and then they, you know, are on track to change their lives.
[00:11:04] Janet Gourand: So they say, thank you very much, guy, I'm, I'm leaving now because they pay monthly and they say, so I'm, I'm fine, I'm done. So we, we wave them goodbye and say, don't even try to moderate or you'll be back. Some of them do, and they do have to come back. And then we get other people who are not quite ready yet.
[00:11:25] Janet Gourand: They're not ready to do the work. They think, oh, I'll join Tribe Sober and they'll wave a magic wand over my head and I'll be sober, but it doesn't work that way. So they're not ready. So they drift off as well. And then we get our favorite members who are the ones that, you know, get sober, change their lives, and then they stick around because they, they love all these people coming in and they want to help them and show them and tell them that it does get easier.
[00:11:51] Janet Gourand: And they want to share all these cool hobbies that they've got with these new people. And they, we do a kind of weekly Zoom cafe where our members that have [00:12:00] been sober for a few years, they share their stories. So it's so important to get that inspiration. Because when we started the membership, of course, practically everybody was on day one.
[00:12:12] Janet Gourand: So they were all kind of figuring it out together. But now we've got this, we've got about. 25 percent of our membership, which we keep at 400. We don't want it to be massive because we want to get to know everybody really. So I would say out of 400 members, a hundred of them are in long term sobriety and they're sticking around cause they love the community.
[00:12:35] Janet Gourand: I mean, we're a family.
[00:12:38] Lori Massicot: Wow. 400 members. Okay. I have, I have a lot of questions. We're going to get into like, how, how to join all the ins and outs of it. I want to go back to something you had said, you had mentioned isolation and you know, this podcast is specifically for women, I say in midlife and beyond maybe 35 and over.
[00:12:55] Lori Massicot: Right. And, you know, a lot of us have grown up with the idea that it's normal to drink [00:13:00] and everyone around us is still drinking. And we get to that point where we feel really lonely when we're choosing to be alcohol free and belonging is so important. Like that's never going to go away. And I just have this vision of myself when I stopped drinking.
[00:13:14] Lori Massicot: I really felt like that kid on the playground in elementary school, like awkward and out of the circle, you know, I was like standing on the outside of the circle and like, well, who else is around me? You know, not that many people. And so it's just so important for us to feel like we belong somewhere.
[00:13:31] Lori Massicot: Yeah, I
[00:13:32] Janet Gourand: mean, as human beings, we are very tribal, you know, it goes back a long way. If you look at animals, you know, they like to stay with the herd, otherwise they feel they're in danger. So as drinkers, we've been belonging to drinking tribes for, for many years, various tribes or drinking buddies. And when we pull away from those tribes, even if it's not forever, we need a new tribe.
[00:13:57] Janet Gourand: And we have to find people that understand us [00:14:00] because however much our family and friends Love us. If they don't have a drink problem, they don't understand. My husband was always saying, you don't have to give up, just cut down a bit. And then my drinking buddies would be really cross with me because they say, Oh, you're no fun anymore.
[00:14:18] Janet Gourand: And you're, you're so boring. So you've got to find people that understand the struggle. And that is one thing that I really love about the whole recovery community. We just get each other and, you know, I've done. As I said earlier, about 185 podcasts now, and I've met people from all over the world during these podcasts, and within five minutes, we've got, we're talking on such a deep level.
[00:14:44] Janet Gourand: And that goes back to the power of vulnerability, it's, it's completely the opposite to those cocktail parties that I used to go to where everybody's basically showing off a bit, you know, about their, their new job or their new car or their new [00:15:00] house or something. And I'm so glad I'm, I don't have those conversations anymore, I have much more interesting ones.
[00:15:08] Lori Massicot: Yeah, once you're drinking, you know, you're talking over each other, you're getting a little bit louder, right? Yeah, I do feel like being alcohol free, we are able to hone in on the conversation and really connect with each other and inside these communities as well. Because you know, I've been coaching groups since gosh, 2018.
[00:15:26] Lori Massicot: And when I did that first one, it was very small. And I just clicked for me. This is what we're all missing out on. This is what matters the most. You know, there's several different options and tools you can use to get and stay sober. But if we don't have that continuous support. We might feel like, oh my goodness, we just can't do it because other people either don't get it around us, they are drinking around us, we have to have a safe place where we can go, and we all need that safety net, even, you know, years and years into sobriety, so, yeah, I love it, I wanted to ask [00:16:00] you, do you ever hear from anybody, pushback about the term sober?
[00:16:06] Janet Gourand: Not really, I think it's, I'd still like there to be another word, and we use alcohol free quite often, and we talk about the alcohol free lifestyle, but no, I can't think of any pushback that we've had quite comfortable talking about sobriety.
[00:16:25] Lori Massicot: Okay, good. And, you know, I wanted to mention that because the language is important and I know it held me back for a really long time because, you know, when I was deciding, do I make alcohol work?
[00:16:36] Lori Massicot: If I don't, what am I going to do? And I only knew of AA back in 2013, you know, and again, I wasn't ready to go there. I mean, I've, I've told that story several times here, but I feel like just the language, like, Am I sober? Am I alcohol free? You know, and I would write about it in my journal and then I started really owning that that sober woman identity for myself, but it doesn't work [00:17:00] for everybody.
[00:17:01] Lori Massicot: And so, yes, I think that there is a different language and just saying alcohol free or choosing yourself. And the reason that I'm bringing this up is. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what you want out of life more than drinking alcohol. And so if we can start to let up on that, that language. But I've seen it several times people talking about, you know, you don't have to stay sober.
[00:17:20] Lori Massicot: You don't, you don't have to say all of these things. I feel like we all know what will work for us, but don't let that kind of stuff hold you back. Yeah.
[00:17:28] Janet Gourand: And even if you haven't got a serious problem, I think if, if you're drinking is on your mind, you know, if you're feeling anxious about it, then just. Try being alcohol free for a while.
[00:17:40] Janet Gourand: We meet so many people, new members that say, Oh, I was sober back in, I don't know, 2020 and it was fabulous and I want to get back there. They never say, Oh, it was awful. Once, once you've got over that first couple of months, which is tricky, you know, I would never [00:18:00] lie to anyone. For me, it was really hard.
[00:18:02] Janet Gourand: But once you get through that, you know, it's, it's just the gift that keeps on giving really. Yeah,
[00:18:09] Lori Massicot: I like that. Are there men and women in your
[00:18:12] Janet Gourand: community? Yeah, we have got men. They are in the minority. We've, we've got lots of chat groups and we have groups for each country, you know. We've got the US group, Canada group, Australia group, UK, SA, and then we've got a kind of general group.
[00:18:28] Janet Gourand: And then we've got the men's group, and they don't talk much, I have to admit. They're not quite as comfortable at being vulnerable as women are, because of the way they've been brought up. You know, if you think of little boys, you know, they're not supposed to cry, are they? Or moan about how they feel. So for some of them, it's a bit of an ask to get them to really open up.
[00:18:54] Janet Gourand: But others are brilliant. So we've Yeah, we've got some men, but out of our [00:19:00] 400, maybe 50, definitely in the minority. That's
[00:19:07] Lori Massicot: awesome though, that they, they felt comfortable enough to join because that is the first step, you know, that is the first step. What do you see in any challenges that people have enjoying in an online
[00:19:18] Janet Gourand: community?
[00:19:20] Janet Gourand: Well, I think it can be daunting at first. I had a message today, actually, because next week we're doing a boot camp on our Facebook, on a Facebook group. And this lady said, Oh, you know, I know that I need to do this, but the thought of opening up to a bunch of strangers is terrifying. You know, that's the word that she used.
[00:19:40] Janet Gourand: And I guess, you know, it, it can be for some people, but I do say to people, I sometimes have people saying to me, well. What about, what if there's someone that I know in your group? And I say, well, doesn't that mean that they're struggling with alcohol as well? And, and they might become your best sober [00:20:00] buddy.
[00:20:00] Janet Gourand: So, I think we've got to ditch the shame because it's about shame, isn't it? I mean, I've, it's not us that are the bad guys here, is
[00:20:16] Janet Gourand: it? you know, we've been told day after day that. The best thing ever. You know, it'll make us feel good and we get all the marketing and all the social norms. We turn on the TV to watch a movie, and there they all are drinking their wine or their scotch. So there's all this subliminal stuff going on. So we've all been brainwashed, you know, and now it's a matter of, of deprogramming all that.
[00:20:42] Janet Gourand: But I think, you know, we've got to ditch the shame and there might be a moment where you're a bit anxious. But once you start talking to people, and I've seen it in the workshops, we do our workshops on Zoom now and, you know, so we, we limit them to [00:21:00] about 15 people and I'm watching the faces on Zoom and we ask people to share at the beginning that, you know, where they are and why they want to change.
[00:21:09] Janet Gourand: And you can see people listening to other people talking, and you can almost see the relief in their faces, because they realize, wow, I'm not alone in this, there's other people just like me. And it's such a relief when you discover that, you realize that, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of here, it's just the way society is, and it's, it's completely mad when you think about how.
[00:21:33] Janet Gourand: How society is hooked on alcohol, and how three million people a year die from alcohol related causes. And nobody ever says much about that, but during the pandemic, when three million people died in a year, the whole world ground to a halt. I often compare those two. It's a big machine.
[00:21:57] Lori Massicot: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
[00:21:59] Lori Massicot: [00:22:00] And there is so much fear. And I've always said, you know, I would never have joined something like an online community like that, um, because there was so much shame and I had so much fear and just the thought of ever talking about this publicly. Isn't that kind of funny, Janet, now that I have a podcast and talk about it all the time.
[00:22:17] Lori Massicot: Like, I never thought that I would share outside of the people who really knew me the best About any of it. So that would've held me back. Definitely. But I have found too, when women join and they get on that first meeting, because I, I wanna ask you like the steps of joining, but they get on that first meeting, they do find the relief and they leave their feeling like, okay, I am not the only one.
[00:22:40] Lori Massicot: Yeah. This is something maybe that I was missing out on and I didn't even realize I was missing out
[00:22:45] Janet Gourand: on it. Yeah. And we have so many tears from those new members when they're talking and, and that is relief in a way. And often we've got members that have been sober for a while and they'll say at the Zoom chats, Oh, [00:23:00] they'll welcome a new member who's been crying perhaps and they'll say, Oh, don't worry about the tears.
[00:23:05] Janet Gourand: I was crying when I first joined and I feel so great now. It's, it's just, it's part of taking off that mask, isn't it? The mask that we all wear. We take it off and then the emotions, I mean, it's a very emotional time, early sobriety. I don't know how it was for you, but I cried a lot,
[00:23:25] Lori Massicot: cried, I was angry, angry at myself mainly.
[00:23:29] Lori Massicot: Yeah. So within your 400 members, you can do meetings where there are only about 15 people in
[00:23:37] Janet Gourand: each meeting. We like small groups. We have a zoom cafe every Saturday, which is it's for people to come and check in and say how their weeks. Was it good, or did they struggle, do they want any help? It's just our general kind of chat usually goes on for a couple of hours and we have a guest speaker.
[00:23:55] Janet Gourand: And I would say at that meeting there's maybe 30 people. [00:24:00] And then during the week, we have smaller groups and maybe it's only six or eight people, but that's fine because they have quite deep conversations. So, yeah, I mean, that's the 400 is total, you know, that's all of our meeting, all of our members. But the chat groups, the WhatsApp group that I mentioned, I mean, that's 24 7 because we're crossing times.
[00:24:25] Janet Gourand: So they never, you know, we say to new members, turn your notifications off or you'll go crazy. But it's a lovely feeling that wherever somebody is, they can get online and talk to someone. And we'll often get messages that say things like. Help, you know, I'm at a party and they're all harassing me because I'm not drinking.
[00:24:44] Janet Gourand: What shall I say? They've gone to the bathroom to message us. So everyone's chipping in, I'll say this, say that. That
[00:24:52] Lori Massicot: is so cool. What is the name of the app? It's
[00:24:55] Janet Gourand: called WhatsApp. WhatsApp. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes our American members, we have [00:25:00] to help them to download it because they're not familiar with it.
[00:25:03] Janet Gourand: But once they get into it, they, they love it. They use it all the time for other things. Okay.
[00:25:10] Lori Massicot: That's awesome. Yeah. To have that, that support. It's good. And what I wanted to mention, you know, there may be 400 members, but also you have several options to join meetings where there are smaller groups. Oh yeah.
[00:25:22] Lori Massicot: Yeah. Yeah. That's
[00:25:23] Janet Gourand: fantastic. 400 members. No, no. It's the, the people that are interacting at a given moment, you know, much smaller. And we do have a churn, you know, as I mentioned before, people leave because they're sober. People leave because they're not ready to do the work. And some people stick around.
[00:25:42] Janet Gourand: Where do people
[00:25:43] Lori Massicot: go to join Tribe Sober?
[00:25:45] Janet Gourand: Uh, they go to our website. So the membership, actually, it's on a, a WordPress website, and they, they go to tribe sober.com and if they click on Join our Tribe, then it'll explain the membership. We, we [00:26:00] take people on a seven step journey. And those, the first few steps are about habit change and quitting the drinking.
[00:26:07] Janet Gourand: And then we move on to healing, you know, healing the body and the mind and finding your purpose. Because, you know, when we're, when we're sober, we can connect with who we really are and what we really want out of life. So we have things like art therapy and coaching and meditation and yoga. And we, we have practitioners that offer that at a much reduced cost for our members.
[00:26:33] Janet Gourand: So it's a whole journey that we take people on. So yes, they, they can read about what we offer and they can join as a annual member or they can join as a monthly member. So if they're not sure whether we are their people, then I recommend that people join as a monthly member for a month, see what, what they think, and then they can cancel very easily if they don't want to stick around.
[00:26:59] Janet Gourand: [00:27:00] What is the pricing? Obviously, we've got different prices all over the world, but I'll give you the U. S. price, which is 30 a month. Awesome.
[00:27:11] Lori Massicot: Yeah. That's a fantastic investment that you can go in, you can check it out, you can try it out. And how do you think that members get the most out of
[00:27:21] Janet Gourand: Tribe Sober?
[00:27:23] Janet Gourand: Well, I think, I mean, we know who the members are that have done the very best. And they are the members that stick around, you know, they get involved. So, when they're new members, they'll find loads of people saying, Welcome, you know, you've done the right thing, lovely to meet you, etc. So I always say, you know, respond to those people and be open and be vulnerable and, and chat and come to the Zoom chats because there's so many opportunities.
[00:27:51] Janet Gourand: Every day, you can be on a Zoom chat and you can be on the chat group. So I just say every day, you know, it doesn't have to be all day, but [00:28:00] touch base and let us know how you're going. And then we give people trackers. So we like people to mark off their alcohol free day, you know, we have an annual tracker so that they can see the big picture.
[00:28:13] Janet Gourand: How many days are they managing? To clock up. So we ask people to share their trackers regularly on via a screenshot. So those people, the people that stay engaged are the ones you know that, that do the best, and the people that are open and honest and vulnerable about their struggles, because sometimes I know on the group we tend to get lots of people saying, oh, you know, I've just hit three months.
[00:28:41] Janet Gourand: I feel fantastic. They're very positive, and I worry about the people that aren't doing so well, so I often say on the group, you know, if, if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by all this positiveness, please, you know, talk to us, because we're here for everybody. It's, it's the people that retreat that, [00:29:00] that struggle, so.
[00:29:01] Janet Gourand: I think, you know, getting involved and then doing the work, because you can't just, you know, join Tribe Sober and expect to be alcohol free. You have to do the work, you know, you have to go to a workshop, you have to stay engaged, and, you know, we, we offer so many things, we offer challenges, accountability groups.
[00:29:24] Janet Gourand: We have the coaching that I mentioned. We have functional health coaching, brain coaching, yoga studio, hypnotherapy. There's, there's so many things that we're offering. We have art therapy, life coaching to help people think about, okay, I'm sober now, so what's the next stage? And we do have a program actually called Path to Purpose, which is for sober people.
[00:29:52] Janet Gourand: You know, they have to have been sober for about six months and then Where are you going from here? Because that's a different journey [00:30:00] that I'm sure you take your clients on as well. Not just about being sober, is it? You don't want to sit there and think, well, I'm sober.
[00:30:10] Lori Massicot: Yeah, and like I said in the beginning, you know, it's not one and done. It's not just quitting drinking. It's so much about the ongoing maintenance. That's the most important part of it. This is fantastic. You have so many different things once they get inside. Is this now something that they sign up for separately once they're inside, like the life coaching and the workshops or is this all included?
[00:30:30] Janet Gourand: Well, we offer introductory sessions, free introductory sessions of everything. And then it's up to them. And then they can track directly with that practitioner. It's, it's between them and the practitioner after that. But they, they don't. You've thought of everything. Well, it's, it's kind of evolved over the years.
[00:30:50] Janet Gourand: I mean, it's taken eight years for it to get to this stage. And we've, we've evolved by listening to people, you know, we really understand our community [00:31:00] and they say, Oh, why don't you do that? And we think, right, and we try things and sometimes things don't work. So we ditch them and then we'll try something else.
[00:31:11] Lori Massicot: Yeah, it's all about experimentation. That's for sure. And. Yes, I that's where I'm at. You know, like I said, I've been doing this for a while with groups, but I never know until I get women inside and we start working together. And then I shift and change things up, experiment, try new things. And that's just the best way to do it.
[00:31:31] Lori Massicot: I think that's the only way to do it. So congratulations on on everything. So it's been eight years. Yes. Eight years
[00:31:38] Janet Gourand: in the making. Yeah. Yes. It's eight years this month that I ran the very first workshop here in Cape Town and I'm eight years sober. Wow.
[00:31:50] Lori Massicot: It's just fantastic, Janet. How does somebody listening right now identify that they may be missing out on community?
[00:31:59] Janet Gourand: Yeah, I [00:32:00] think a lot of women as we get older, we drink from loneliness, you know, because it happens. We move countries, house, whatever, our kids, you know, the emptiness thing. So a lot of women are in that habit of drinking because they're lonely and the, so one of the joys of having a community, of course, is that that loneliness goes away.
[00:32:23] Janet Gourand: I mean, you can, you can talk to people from dawn to dusk on our community and some people will do that. So the loneliness will. Abate, because one of the things that we suggest that our members do, it's, it's a tool really, it's in our toolkit. We suggest that they write a letter saying goodbye to alcohol, a goodbye to alcohol letter.
[00:32:46] Janet Gourand: Because alcohol, when it really gets its grip into you, it's a bit like a, an abusive lover. You know, it's, it comes along, it treats you badly, you chuck it out, and then it comes back and says, Oh, [00:33:00] let's try again, you know, that won't happen again. So you try again, and then it falls apart. So we do suggest that people write a goodbye to alcohol letter and those letters, they are available on our website.
[00:33:12] Janet Gourand: We've got lots of free resources for people that would like to look at that and not, not commit themselves yet. And we've got a good hundred goodbye to alcohol letters and they're, they're quite. Nice. You know, I wrote, I read mine out on the radio here in South Africa and we got a huge response to that program and everybody started sending me their goodbye letters and they weren't just goodbye to alcohol, they were goodbye to drugs or goodbye to some other compulsive behavior.
[00:33:42] Lori Massicot: Oh, I love that so much. That is so great. This is what I want to say because anybody out there who may be feeling like, Oh my gosh, I'm just not ready to get on the calls. I'm not ready to be seen. Or heard, you can also join the community and I say be a butterfly on the
[00:33:58] Janet Gourand: wall. We do say to new [00:34:00] people, if, uh, if you're shy about joining the zoom cafe, which is the biggest one where we have about 30 people, just leave your camera off and your mic off and talk to us in the chats if you want to.
[00:34:13] Janet Gourand: Otherwise you just have a look at us and see what you think. And I usually say we're. We're pretty confident that once you've seen what a friendly bunch we are, you know, you'll want to join in the conversation. And often you see that happening halfway through the call, but the camera will go on.
[00:34:31] Lori Massicot: Yeah.
[00:34:31] Lori Massicot: Yeah. I love that. I love that too. Is there an app that they can keep on their phone so they just log right in to Tribe Sober into the community? How does
[00:34:39] Janet Gourand: that work? Well, we've got the WhatsApp chat rooms as an app.
[00:34:43] Lori Massicot: Okay. Yeah. Okay. And then they have to log in to get into the actual community on the
[00:34:50] Janet Gourand: website.
[00:34:50] Janet Gourand: Zoom meetings, we, we put the link on the WhatsApp groups and then they, they, they, so they can do it on the phone. They can just click on the link. [00:35:00] Yeah, that's fantastic to
[00:35:01] Lori Massicot: have. I would have appreciated. Sorry, I interrupted you. I would have appreciated something back then that I could just like scroll through and see people talking and see the conversations.
[00:35:12] Lori Massicot: And that's where I would have just been like, I'm not going to. engage, but this is so helpful for me and I really wish that's why I've created communities. I really wish I had that back then. Yeah.
[00:35:25] Janet Gourand: Well, I think, I think one of the, the big keys to recovery is to find your people. And you know, very much like my story, the AA group was a bit extreme for me.
[00:35:36] Janet Gourand: I know different groups are different, but I tried several groups and they were all a bit. extreme. And then I found this other group that was more in tune with what I wanted. So it's about finding your people. And we do tend, the demographic of Tribe Sober is older ladies, you know, I suppose, because, because of me.
[00:35:56] Janet Gourand: But it's there. Uh, 50 plus, 50 and beyond, [00:36:00]
[00:36:01] Lori Massicot: 50 and beyond. Oh, wow. I was going to ask you that. Thank you for sharing that. Definitely. That's good to know. Yeah, that is good know because
[00:36:07] Janet Gourand: this, we do young people, but uh, mostly it's, it's older people that have, and that's interesting 'cause I'm, I'm sure you know this, but the, the demographic that of binge drinkers these days mm-hmm.
[00:36:18] Janet Gourand: it's 50 and beyond. It's not the kids downing shots in the nightclubs. That's not how it is. It's the, the older people. So it's quite interesting. Yeah. That's
[00:36:29] Lori Massicot: fantastic. So what I'm hearing you say, Janet, is that connection is one of the biggest benefits of joining your Tribe Sober and not feeling alone, not feeling isolated, and just really having a community that is going to support you, whether you join in on the Zoom call or you join in on the WhatsApp.
[00:36:49] Lori Massicot: Uh, you're able to scroll through those conversations and, and feel that connection and that support and just know that, okay, there are other people out there because I'm sure not everybody is sharing the positive [00:37:00] side. They're also sharing their struggles and challenges. And that's what I would have, yeah,
[00:37:04] Janet Gourand: absolutely.
[00:37:04] Janet Gourand: And it's, we often see somebody that's really down, you know, because they fell off the wagon and had a bad night and now they're feeling really depressed and they're back to day one. And everybody piles in, you know, and says, oh, don't beat yourself up, you know, just get back on the sober bus as we call it and, and you'll be fine.
[00:37:24] Janet Gourand: And we talked to them about how it's just progress, not perfection. You've got to keep trying, keep making the sober stretches longer and longer and look at the big picture. And then yeah, we'll have people saying, Oh yeah, you know, when I, when I look at my tracker, I've, I've had more alcohol free days this year than ever before.
[00:37:44] Janet Gourand: And that's how it gradually, the change takes place. Yeah, I
[00:37:50] Lori Massicot: love that because I know that there are so many people out there who keep beating themselves up because they don't have those consecutive days and to have that yearly tracker, that monthly [00:38:00] tracker where you can just check it off. Um, that is fantastic.
[00:38:03] Lori Massicot: And I want you to send us out with any final words that you have for anybody out there who keeps going back and forth. I don't know if I should join a community. I don't know if this is the right for me, any final words for this.
[00:38:16] Janet Gourand: Just, just try it and if you'd like a tracker, an annual tracker, you can drop me an email janet at tribesober.
[00:38:23] Janet Gourand: com and I'll send you one, but they're a bit old school in that you print them out, stick them on the fridge or the wine rack and just, just watch them. You can do it on your phone as well if you're technically inclined. Yeah, and if anybody is interested in becoming an annual member, they can use the code BOOTCAMP because we're running BOOTCAMP soon, and they'll get 20 percent discount.
[00:38:49] Janet Gourand: So that's... Awesome. That offer will be there when this goes out, so that's good. Awesome. Well,
[00:38:56] Lori Massicot: thank you, Janet. It was so nice to see you again. And I [00:39:00] appreciate everything that you're doing. I think that you are fantastic in the recovery sobriety community and getting out there and I really appreciate you representing and supporting the midlife and beyonders because we do need that.
[00:39:15] Lori Massicot: We definitely need that.
[00:39:17] Janet Gourand: Thank you. Oh, thank you, Laurie.
[00:39:20] Lori Massicot: Thank you again for listening. Go and check out Tribe Sober at tribesober. com, tune into the Tribe Sober podcast, link in the show notes and soak up some of Janet Garand love. I will see you back here on November 22nd with a brand new episode. Check out our past episodes of the podcast in the show's description, including Janet's first episode where she shares more of her story and getting sober in her sixties.
[00:39:42] Lori Massicot: Take care of yourself, my friend, until I see you again. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
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