Daily Habits for Long-Lasting Sobriety with Jen Hirst
episode #299
Are you ready to create habits that help you stay alcohol-free?
My guest in this episode is Jen Hirst, Sober Coach, and founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, who is here to help you create more structure in your day by adding habits that will help you maintain sobriety.
One of the things I appreciate about Jen is her practical approach to getting and staying sober. And, her support that she shares on Instagram! I reached out to Jen to ask her to share her story and talk about how habits you can start today will help you stay alcohol-free.
Our conversation centered around essential daily habits that can help maintain a long-lasting alcohol-free lifestyle. Jen's insights are grounded in her journey and the experiences of those she's helped through her coaching.
Jen decided to quit drinking after waking up in detox for the second time. Her life was in chaos, and she was tired of feeling terrible and losing control. She had no car, and no money, and her health was at risk. Jen realized that things couldn't get any worse as long as she didn't drink. She chose to stop and focused on doing the next right thing, gradually rebuilding her life. Her main reason for quitting was to create a better future for herself and her family.
The Daily Habits
#1. Don’t Drink Alcohol
The primary habit focuses on staying alcohol-free. This involves replacing alcohol with non-alcoholic beverages and engaging in other supportive activities to manage cravings and maintain sobriety.
#2. Stay Hydrated
Drinking half your body weight in ounces of water each day. This involves consuming clean water, sometimes with added fruit or mint for flavor. Hydration is important for overall health, aiding in mood regulation, energy levels, and physical well-being.
#3. Practice Gratitude
Listing three to five things you are grateful for every day, preferably from the past 24 hours. This practice helps shift focus towards positivity and appreciation in life, improving mood and mental health.
#4. Feed Your Mind
Reading five to ten pages of a physical book each day. The recommended type of reading includes "quit lit" (literature related to quitting drinking) or personal development books. This habit educates and inspires, offering new perspectives and supporting sobriety.
#5. Move Your Body
Engaging in movement or exercise such as walking, yoga, or stretching for 10 to 30 minutes, five times a week, with a preference for 30-minute sessions. Regular exercise boosts mental health, mood, and physical fitness.
#6. Stay Connected
Accountability and Connection with Community: Checking in with a sober community, accountability partner, or group every day. This helps maintain a support network, providing encouragement and motivation to stay sober.
#7. Prioritize Sleep
Ensuring you get adequate and quality sleep every night. This might involve setting a regular sleep schedule, creating a restful environment, and practicing good sleep hygiene. Quality sleep is crucial for mental clarity, emotional balance, and overall health, supporting your sobriety journey.
Actionable Strategies for Your Sobriety Journey
Throughout our conversation, Jen shared practical tips and real-life experiences. These insights are designed to help you build confidence and sustain your sobriety journey. From managing cravings with protein and walks to celebrating sobriety milestones, the episode is packed with actionable advice.
Whether you're just starting your sobriety journey or looking to reinforce your alcohol-free lifestyle, this episode offers valuable insights. Jen's approach combines compassion with practical strategies, making sobriety not just achievable but sustainable and fulfilling.
About Jen
Empowering women to thrive in sobriety, Jen Hirst has been on her own transformative journey since April 24, 2013. As a dedicated sober coach, Jen boosts women's confidence by integrating simple, effective habits from day one to help them feel their best and make sobriety stick
Her sold-out group coaching programs have helped hundreds of women from across the world own their sobriety with a GET TO mentality and a supportive community of women cheering them on every step of the way.
You can connect with Jen here:
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Daily Habits to Support Long-Lasting Sobriety with Jen Hirstwomen. Really find confidence in building an alcohol free lifestyle. And our guest today is Jen Hurst. She is the founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, an online community of like minded women who embrace a sober lifestyle to feel their best and have some fun along the way.
And she is a full time working mom of two kids, and she's a sober coach. And I really do appreciate Jen sharing her workouts and tips on her Instagram. So I asked her to come on the podcast. to share these tips with you. So today we are talking about six [00:01:00] habits to help you have a long lasting alcohol free lifestyle.
And the habits that we are talking about today are really important and they seem like they could be really overwhelming, but Jen's going to break those habits down for you today. We are talking about the importance of hydration, gratitude practice, Reading, exercise and accountability and connection with community and getting into the habit of not drinking alcohol.
I am so excited for you to listen to this episode. Here's Jen. Hey Jen, welcome to 250 and beyond. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me on. So happy you're here. We've had a really nice conversation before I hit record and I know that this is going to be a topic that our gals listening today are going to find inspiration from and lots of tips to get started with these habits for long lasting sobriety.
So thank you again for sharing them with us. Can you start off and tell us a bit about the work that you [00:02:00] do?
Jen Hirst: Yeah, well, like you said, I'm Jen Hirst. I'm a sober coach and mother of two, and I live in upper Minnesota with my two kids. And I am 11 years alcohol free. And I coach women on really how to boost their confidence and sobriety by implementing these simple habits from day one to have you feeling your best.
in sobriety, because I think sobriety is so much more than not drinking. It's about taking care of yourself on a daily basis. And that doesn't have to be these huge momentous things. It's like as simple as going out for a walk, drinking water, moving your body, all of these things. And, and so now I teach women how to do that through group coaching programs and my membership and also retreats.
And implementing that into a journal that's coming out later this year.
Lori Massicot: Congratulations. On all of them. Yeah. I know we're gonna get into some how to's, cause I know, [00:03:00] like, listing these habits, they sound really simple, but when I stop drinking. I didn't have really any of those habits and it's, it's a thing for women and it doesn't matter what age you are, you know, we're not practicing as much self care as we do while we're drinking.
We may think that we are, but it's a difference when you stop drinking and really honing into these habits as a foundation for your, yeah. Yeah. So we're going to get into the how to's. Can you share your sobriety date with us?
Jen Hirst: April 24th of 2013. So in case I forget, it's tattooed on my wrist. I love that.
But now, you know, when she was tattooing it on my wrist, I'm like, that's really skinny. But I guess as you age, it just kind of bleeds. So I'm hoping it just doesn't become like a mess. By the time, you know, in 20 years, but we'll see, then I'll just get another one, but yeah, 11 years.
Lori Massicot: Congratulations. Thank you.
The same year. So we were vibing at that time. Definitely. Yeah. I'm about to celebrate 11 years on Sunday. So. Oh my gosh. Yeah. [00:04:00]
Jen Hirst: How do you like to celebrate? What do you like to do on your superversaries?
Lori Massicot: We're going to Maui next week. So that's going to be part of it. Yeah. We've kind of scheduled it for that, but it's not that extreme.
I do appreciate celebrating by doing something special for myself and normally, cause it's a Sunday, Sunday morning workouts are my favorite thing to do. And I set a lot of intention behind it. There may be some tears. I love it. What'd you do?
Jen Hirst: For my sober bursary? Yeah. Well, last year for my tenure, I went to Disney World.
So I know, go big, I've always wanted to do that and take my kids, a big goal of mine for the past five years. So we finally did that. But normally it's just a day for myself. I actually started taking my family out to dinner every sober bursary. It started the first year I took my husband out before we had children.
Well, actually I did have my son then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And just as a thank you for staying by me and supporting me and, you know, he [00:05:00] definitely set boundaries, but he never lost sight that I could do this. And so I always kind of buy. Our dinner and we go out, I got like fancy. I'm like steak and green beans and potatoes.
And then the next, the next week is my birthday. Then he treats me, but then I also like to do a massage. I always love a massage or just the typical manicure, pedicure. Maybe I'll get myself a red velvet cupcake, just really treating myself in a way that makes me feel good. But also saying thank you to those and spending time with those that I love.
Lori Massicot: I love that. Yeah. If anybody's listening to this thinking, well, I've never celebrated my anniversary. Maybe I think now you're going to rethink that because that is, it's almost as special as my birthday for me. For sure.
Jen Hirst: It's even more important. My birthday's in the following week. I don't care about my birthday.
I'm like, I don't care about my birthday. I care about my soberversary because that's one of the most important things to me. [00:06:00] And so, I think, especially for women, it's really hard to celebrate ourselves. And so, even in my journal, every single 30 days in the first year of sobriety, you need to celebrate.
And it could be small, or it could be going to Maui. I had some women going to Maui and Hawaii on their 90 days of sobriety. I'm like, go big. Whatever you like to do that makes you feel special. Because, just think of it, what you're doing is hard and it goes against the grain and it deserves to be celebrated and it's important to celebrate the success when you have it because then that reinforces why you're doing this and that gives you motivation to continue.
It's just, as we get into the importance of celebrating an achievement or going through and completing a habit, you get to do a little check mark if you have a habit tracker. It's so important, and again, it can be as simple as, you know what, I'm going to take a bath by myself. I'm going to go to Target by myself.
I'm going to buy a car. [00:07:00] A little bouquet of flowers, something so simple, but really, it's really important to honor that every single 30 days leading up to your first year and then every single year following. But I even suggest in early sobriety to celebrate that with little sober treats, little ways to make you feel good in this process, especially the first seven to 14 days.
That's really important to take care of yourself, to go out of your way to, to do something nice for yourself because you're doing that because what you're doing is hard. It's giving yourself a little bit of pep, a little bit of encouragement to continue in those stages when you can feel low. And that's totally normal to, again, help yourself feel better to want to continue and to make this process a little bit easier.
Lori Massicot: Oh, I agree. That could be a whole podcast episode just talking about that topic. I've talked about it for years, but it's not easy to do. [00:08:00] And it's just like, do those things. And like I said, like nobody knows that I'm going to be going to the gym with the intention of celebrating myself while I'm there reflecting, being proud of myself.
Nobody knows that, but me, so you could keep it to yourself. And this is another habit. To create, for sure. Huh.
Jen Hirst: And these little moments of treating yourself, it's, I don't know if you've ever watched Parks and Rec, but she always, Donna always says, treat yourself, treat yourself, treat yourself. Yeah. Okay.
What did you do? Intentional with it. It doesn't have to be big, but be intentional with it. And it's really important. And it makes you feel good. And again, I think as women, we don't feel like we deserve that. We just do, do, do. And like, even for women going on this retreat with me in Florida, it is an investment.
They're like, I just feel guilty about doing that. Or I feel guilty. My kids are at my mother in law's place for a couple of days. I feel guilty for taking time by myself, but I always remind myself, I feel so good after and I'm doing this to be a better mother. Even if mongrel creeps in, that's [00:09:00] okay, but I'm doing this because that's what I need for my mental health as an introvert to refuel, and that's the most important thing.
Lori Massicot: Yeah. Oh, I love that. It could be a totally separate episode, because the, the mindset behind rewards and how we rewarded ourselves with drinking alcohol, and once that is gone, we do need that rewarding experience, I think, daily, for sure, something for yourself daily, and once you do start practicing it, You don't have to tell anybody about it.
You can make it a really cool habit for yourself. So thank you for sharing that. Tell me what was happening on the day that you decided to stop drinking.
Jen Hirst: Yeah. Well, I woke up in detox for the second time. I had blown a 0. 34 and I had been drinking. Like that way for the past at least two years and mouthwash was my drink of choice and on a spectrum I always like to say because drinking isn't just okay.
I'm alcohol free or I'm a raging alcoholic There's many different [00:10:00] shades and so for me I was on the more severe spectrum Which a lot of people don't know if you were to come to my page see my before picture a lot of people say You don't look that bad. And you know, sometimes I get flagged for you don't seem that bad to me.
I'm like, I was really good at hiding. I didn't take pictures when I was passed out. No one saw me cause I did my drinking in secret. And so I woke up by that point, I was. Really on the verge of not waking up anymore. My husband wasn't talking to me. My parents didn't know what to do with me. I had been to two inpatient stays at Hazleton.
I had been to six outpatient stays. I had gotten a therapist. I had gotten a psychiatrist. I had gotten two DDL BUIs. I didn't have a car, I had no money, I was taking Adderall to make myself feel better from the hangover and also then drinking at night, so it was putting tremendous pressure on my heart. I thought, I really thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest.
I was using [00:11:00] anything to, to fix that, get that fix of that craving. Cravings can be so strong and so intense, and Adderalls were so bad. And I woke up and I just. Said to myself, you know, and full of anxiety, all the anxiety that you have the day after you drink, and my last drink was mouthwash blacking out in my dad's office, because they were keeping tabs on me.
I had to go everywhere they went. They couldn't, I couldn't be trusted by myself. Which made me even want to drink more, which then even got, even got more sneaky. So I woke up and it was kind of like I had this out of body experience where I looked down at myself and I heard the woman next to me blow like a 0.
38 and I had just started, I think I started talking to her. And it was just, I came to this, that click in sobriety that happens. And after all the crap that I'd done. And you'd think that treatment would get me sober, but I just wasn't ready yet. And I really had to push [00:12:00] it because I was trying to manage and moderate this thing so much as Enneagram 3, if you tell me I can't do something, I'm going to prove to you that I can make this work, that I can manage it.
And I just couldn't. And I just beat myself up, and at that point I just surrendered, and I'm like, I am so freaking done. I have no car, I have court the next day. I don't even know if my marriage is going to make it. We are almost a year, over a year, no, not even a year married. And I just said, I'm done. And I, and I had so much stuff to clean up.
I had no money. I had no job. I lost my job due to drinking. I lost my car due to drinking. And I just said, as long as I don't drink, I can't make this any worse. That's the only thing. And once I released the fight of trying to control something that's not meant to be moderated, everything got easier and I stopped trying to fight it.[00:13:00]
And I just kept doing the next right thing. And I did my 72 hour stay in detox. I didn't expect anybody to trust me because I had said, this is it. You guys, I promise I just shut up, just did the work and slowly, but surely, I got a job at a local printing shop, I rode my bike to, I did outpatient, I went into my last inpatient stay at a different facility at the retreat in Wayzata, Minnesota, which I highly recommend, court ordered, but I wanted to go just to be like, yeah, you guys, I'm going to work on myself, even though I knew I was done, I was just doing it kind of, you know, As a process and I just kept doing the next right thing and I got that job and then within four months, I got a job back in my field in graphic design, a really good job.
And then within that same time that I got that job, we learned I was pregnant with my first child, which I thought was unheard of because the amount of abuse and things I put in my [00:14:00] body for years, I just knew I was going to be infertile. And so we, and it's so funny because. So much can happen when you choose to not put one thing in your body.
And the trust that was gained within my husband to trust me enough. To believe that I was done to then try to have a baby and it happened pretty quickly. And so that gave me so much joy and something so cool that I was able to look forward to. Now, was I eating great and moving my body and all that? No, I was eating like a tub of ice cream.
I had cravings for so many things, pasta, all the bad things, whatever, not bad things, but things that didn't make me feel good. I didn't care because I had something so cool to look forward to and he came six weeks early. So I had him before my soberversary. And my kids are my greatest why, they are my, or my reason to get sober and they keep me sober.
Or they're my [00:15:00] greatest why as to the reason that I don't want to pick up because I will lose them. And I don't drink because I never want to lose them. And I don't want to drink. And, and I was on to April 24th that. It's not even that I wanted to drink anymore. I didn't want to drink at that point. I was so sick and tired, and I was so done with it, and I had no idea what was gonna happen.
But I let go of everything else, and I just stayed focused on cleaning up my mess. And it took a long time. I had to drive with an intoxilizer or a breathalyzer in my car for two years. You know, whiskey plate, pain pills. Lawyer fees, I did a day in jail, four months pregnant, I did house arrest, you know, trying to explain that to my job, Hey guys, I know you hired me, but I'm going on house arrest.
Like so really just becoming humble, doing the work. And what they say in AA is cleaning up your side of the street, making amends. And I slowly began to get my life back. [00:16:00] And it's amazing what can happen when you don't put this in your body. And what I dreamed about right before I went into my last inpatient.
Is now what my life is and even more, I never thought I would be a sober coach. I did not talk about my sobriety for four years. I thought no one wanted to hear, but it's just amazing where your life can take you and the little things that are placed in your life on what you're here to do. And so that's been super, super fulfilling for me too.
Lori Massicot: Congratulations.
Jen Hirst: Thanks. You too. On all of
Lori Massicot: it. And thank you for sharing. You know, we are on a spectrum with our drinking and we don't have to be one way or the other, but we can all relate to some portion I know of your story and how you are feeling about it and that decision when it comes, you know, I do believe that it will come if you're listening for it.
And when it clicks. And you go all in because that [00:17:00] makes such a difference. And then also I know that somebody related to the fact that, you know, my husband or my friends or my family are going, Oh yeah, you're doing this again. You say you're going to do it again, but it's like actions speak louder than words.
And he kept your head down and he kept it to yourself. And I think that's so important. To remind ourselves that we don't have to share everything that we're doing and to focus on ourselves. And
Jen Hirst: it's that walk the talk. So, so often I would just talk the talk and yes, I'll go to a meeting and blah, blah, blah.
I just shut up. I just, I just did. And you're, again, if you want to change someone's perception or change someone else, you change yourself. Yeah. And you show up. And that's what I did. And, uh, just never look back.
Lori Massicot: It's incredible. And you show up for others now. And that's why I, again, I appreciate you so much and your honesty.
I know somebody's going to find some comfort in this conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, and. [00:18:00]
Jen Hirst: Well, and like you, I mean, doing this podcast is you really help other, you help yourself when you help others. And when you share your story of raising your hands, and so I host these free Tuesday meetings at noon and central standard time.
And every other week we have a speaker come on and many of these women have never told their story. It's so liberating. I mean, to go through, it's exactly what I did in treatment. Go through, you go through everything and then you share it. And then when you share it, it has less power over you. And when you get those messages of, Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
This was so helpful. I'm so proud of you. God, it makes you feel good. And it really is helping someone else stay sober is helping you stay sober. And so it's a, you know, you both benefit. And it also helps you lessen the shame you feel over your past by just shining a light on it and getting it out in the open.
So yeah, that's fantastic.
Lori Massicot: That's fantastic that you host the meetings and I'll get a link from you. I did see that [00:19:00] you offered that, so I'll make sure that that's in the show notes if anybody would like to join. That's incredible. And you're right. It can be, if you're not putting that one thing into your body, it could be the catalyst for so many other areas.
So you have this dream life. I used to call it my wine fantasies. I would fantasize about this life that I wanted. And it's a lot like the life I lived today, but so much more than what it was in my dreams even because I gave up drinking. So it really can be the catalyst to changing other areas of your life.
Which can definitely lead into our topic of habits. What were your habits like when you were drinking? I had no habits.
Jen Hirst: My habits were drinking. Every night, or then towards the end, it was in the morning, it was 24 7. I try, actually, I, I really tried to stay consistent with my exercise. But working out with a hangover sucks.
Um, and it was a matter of sweating out the [00:20:00] alcohol to cure and feel better of if I can just do this and maybe I won't smell and I'll feel better where now it's moving my body because I want for especially for my mental health. It didn't start that way. It started with wanting to lose the baby weight, but now it's to take care of my mental health for my stress and anxiety and it's just a great release for your mood and all of those things.
It's I really did not have any habits, um, any consistent habits because drinking always got in the way. My life was all over the place. You know, I could be in bed with a hangover. I couldn't even get out of bed. So no habits whatsoever to, I mean, there was, I always really tried to stay consistent with my exercise.
I even cross addicted into that for a while in my drinking career, but, but now it's, I'm pretty consistent. I think I'm, One of my superpowers is consistency, and I know that's really hard for people, but I'm a creature of habit. I love doing the [00:21:00] same thing over and over again. And it, but also it can be hard because I don't like to change.
And I don't like when I'm out of routine. Like when I go on vacation, it's really, really hard, but I think a lot of people can attest to that. It's hard to be out of routine.
Lori Massicot: It's like, don't let the fear of maintaining new habits and getting started with new habits. Hold you back from getting started, you know, it's like, uh, I'm, I'm never going to be able to maintain this if I'm exercising.
We have all those stories. I had those stories in the beginning. Yeah. But exercise was number one for me. Do you want to list the habits that we're going to be talking about today and then we'll go back and go through them?
Jen Hirst: Yeah, absolutely. So what I really love to start the women off in my program are six.
key habits. The number one is to not drink, by any means possible. And so, above all else, if you cannot do any of the other habits, the number one habit I want you to focus on is to stay alcohol free. Now, will the other habits help you stay sober? Yeah. [00:22:00] And I can mention especially the ones that will be really helpful to help you stay sober and will give you the most bang for your buck, but above all else, don't drink.
Your main goal is to be alcohol free. And that doesn't mean you can't drink ten sparkling waters, you can't have Diet Coke, you can't have a red velvet cup, whatever. You just don't drink alcohol. And that is the most important habit. Now, the second one would be to hydrate, so drinking half your body weight in, in ounces of water, and I'm talking pure water, clean water, nothing added.
If you want, you can add like fresh fruit or mint or spices, but really just pure water. And also if you, if that's too complicated or if that's a high number, I really recommend 92 ounces of water for women a day. And then the second one would be gratitude. So listing three to five things, preferably five things that you're grateful for from the past 24 hours.
Number [00:23:00] three, four, four on top of staying sober is reading. So get educated. Read five to ten pages of a physical book every single day. And when I say physical book, I really want this to be tailored especially if you're in early sobriety to some quitlet, so sober books, or personal development if you already have a good handle on your sobriety.
The fourth, fifth one is exercise, movement, and I'm not saying HIIT training or cardio. It could be as simple as going out for a walk or some stretching or yoga. It can be 10 to 30 minutes, preferably 30 minutes, five times a week. If you can get in 10 minutes every single day, fantastic. There's so many benefits in getting in a 10 minute workout.
And the last one is accountability. So checking into a sober community every single day. Now, if you're in early sobriety, this would be to check in that you stayed sober. This is a good check in to let us know how you're doing. Making, or this could be if you [00:24:00] have an accountability part, checking in with them every day, just especially in those first 30 days is really, really helpful.
But if you have a really good handle on your sobriety, then checking into that sober community. Maybe you have a membership or you're in a program or you have a sober coach. Checking in with them, just seeing if they host anything, but just. Being connected to sobriety to a community every day, whether that's one person, whether that's a hundred, whether that's thousands, you get to really choose what sobriety is for you and what works for you.
Some people are really intimidated by huge communities, so maybe a smaller community or maybe just one or two women that you can connect with is really beneficial. So those are, those are the six habits.
Lori Massicot: I love all of them. I'm wondering when you start working with women, you start talking about these habits, what is, what are some of the things that are coming up for them as far as like, or is there a mindset block in creating new habits?
Does this [00:25:00] seem like a lot to women? What do you think? Yeah, it
Jen Hirst: can be, it's honestly just personal to everybody. I have women who are go getters who are like, I printed out everything, I got my stickers ready, I am ready to go, I'm going to do this, and they are, have like a perfect streak. And some women are like, dude, that's a lot.
I'm just trying to not drink. And so when I start the program, I ask, are you a crawler? Are you a pace setter or are you a sprinter? And I say, all of these are valid. You do not have to do all of them, but I really do want you to focus on, okay, once you have a good handle on your sobriety, then maybe let's add in this in a small increment.
And so I think with any new habit, with any new program, you know, just look at the start of the new year. Everyone is so excited. They're like, I'm going to do it. I have so much momentum. And then day 19 happens. And we lose the momentum, and you're like, ah, life happens, things get in the way, and that's when our [00:26:00] excuses start.
So that's where the consistency happens, and that's where you really got to work on your mindset of what do I want most, scheduling it into your day, playing the tape forward of how good you're going to feel after, and being consistent, because your biggest obstacle is your mind. That's going to try to talk you out of it, but you've got to look at the bigger picture, at your commitment.
and also having a crystal clear why of why you are doing this. Why is it important to you? You can do anything for 100 days. You probably drink every day for 100 days. You can show up here for yourself. And most of these things take less than an hour. And if you can stack these habits together in the morning, you've already taken care of everything and you pour into yourself first.
So then you're better able to be the person, be the woman you want to be for the rest of your day. And they have the biggest ROI that you could ever have. You can just take, you know, maybe it isn't an hour, maybe it's [00:27:00] 30 minutes. You can have 30 minutes, 30 minutes is 2 percent of your day, to do this for yourself knowing that all of these are scientifically backed to help you to feel better, to become happier, boost your mood, and again, in turn, solidify that sobriety is amazing, I do want to do this, and I just want to see how good I can feel.
Lori Massicot: So you have a checklist for the women that you work with, and they can print it out. So they're looking at all of these habits. Okay, so number one. Mm-Hmm. . Don't drink, stay alcohol free. Mm-Hmm. . What is one tip that you can help a gal listening today? Like, this is the habit you wanna create. Let's start today.
What is one suggestion you can give to them that's going to help them create that habit?
Jen Hirst: Start small. Make it as tiny as possible for you to start. So whether that's, is it to stay alcohol free or just any [00:28:00] habit in general?
Lori Massicot: I would say to stay alcohol free. Like today, let's say five o'clock rolls around and this is the time of day where somebody would normally pour a glass of wine.
So what could they do in that moment? Replace
Jen Hirst: it with something else. You gotta, if you're going to take something away, something as ritual that you did at five o'clock, you cannot take something away without adding something in. So, instead of thinking like, oh my God, I'm going to take this away, instead ask, what can I add in?
So, 5 p. m., you just replace that with something fancy. So, whether it was a non, wine, maybe you want to do a non alcoholic wine. Maybe you want to do some sparkling water with a little bit of fruit, or what I like to do is these little stir drops, put a splash of that in. Maybe it is a non alcoholic beer, just switch it to non alcoholic, or maybe it's a kombucha, maybe it's a calming tea.
Replace it with something. So now that's a drink, so you could do that. You could also add in a 20 to 30 minute [00:29:00] workout. Maybe that's a time where you're going to go out for a walk, but you, and, and you're going to sip your mocktail. Like do it both. I mean, have at it, make it fun, make it special. Listen to a sober podcast, but find some routine that you know that you can stick to.
And when I say make it small, make it small. I think so often we can bite off more than we can chew. We want to take on these big challenges, but what's something that's realistic that you can stick to that will help you get through that 5 p. m. hour to get through that craving that will help you to feel better in that process.
Now, in this, I'm going to add three things because there's so many things that you can do in this 5 p. m. hour. The great thing is, again, add in one thing, so it can be the fancy mocktail or non alcoholic beer, sparkling water, make it fancy or make it special. Eat some protein at that hour, really at that 3 to 4 p.
m. hour. It's really, really important to have protein, [00:30:00] preferably 15 grams, because our blood sugar can drop. And when we have low blood sugar, that's going to increase cravings. So it's really important that you stabilize your blood sugar with protein. So something, if you want chomps, sticks or some yogurt with some berries.
You could do some fancy cheeses, some cottage cheese, some sausage, but with peanut butter or almond butter, things like that. And then get out on a walk, another option. Get out for like a 10 to 20 minute walk, 30 minutes if you want to go ham, and just see how you feel after. But you cannot take something away without putting something in.
So that would be my suggestion.
Lori Massicot: Good suggestions. What did you do when you were in early sobriety? What was the thing for you that helped you? You
Jen Hirst: know, I was in treatment, so there was a many, I became a student. I wanted to learn. I wanted, I know one thing actually that I did in treatment that really helped me because there was no [00:31:00] TVs.
You did not have phones. You had to figure out what to do when you're bored. So now we have our phones. We just scroll, scroll, scroll. That doesn't really leave us feeling good. But what I channeled was what I loved to do as a kid was painting. And so I painted in treatment and I loved it and I could do it for hours.
So that's what helped me kind of get through the first 30 days now. I think. Even when I was out of treatment, I probably was going to outpatient or working, but I was also always reading books. I was always, you know, at that time I was doing AA, so I was working with a sponsor going through the steps. But I really just wanted to learn as much as possible because, and that's actually one of our habits is reading because if you had a cancer diagnosis.
Or something else that happened, you would want to read about it. Okay, what is the treatment, what are my options, how did other people do this, what worked for them. I would also probably get in a community with other people who are diagnosed with the same thing. You gotta put that same [00:32:00] effort into your sobriety.
Learn how others have done it. And some books you're not going to jive with, but some are going to be really, really helpful. And so this can be, and one of the habits is yes, reading from a physical book, but also listen to books, I mean, Audible, take advantage, you know, put that 15 that you used to spend on wine, put that towards a book, you're going to get far more benefit.
And I found the greatest growth came from when I started reading Whitlet and personal growth books, maybe even not pertaining to sobriety, but also pertaining to things that I had dealt with since childhood that now I needed to learn about myself. I didn't know as an introvert, how do I talk to people?
How do I become a better parent? What is the best way to talk to my child, to raise a mentally strong kid? Anything that you may be struggling with, the answers. Are in like 10 to 15 books that you can check out, you can listen to. And so I highly recommend [00:33:00] getting on that.
Lori Massicot: Yeah. Okay. So that's, those are the, those are two of the habits.
So don't drink, great suggestions. And then you can habit stack, you know, you could do the exercise definitely at that time as well. And you can read and learn more. And I'm all for that. And yes, listening to something as reading, I know it's hard to grasp that, that, that mindset around it. But it's true and it's such a great way to get out and listen to something.
What are some of your favorite books? Give me one quit lit book and one personal development book. That's awesome.
Jen Hirst: Well, my favorite quit lit book is This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, above all else. Now I'm going to give you a second one because you're probably going to binge on books, but I just read Beyond Booze by Sarah Ruspach.
I thought that was fantastic. It is really pertains to a lot of the habits that I talk about too. So, I think it's kind of like a handbook for that first year. So I would highly check, recommend checking that out. [00:34:00] Personal growth book.
Lori Massicot: There's so many. You've got a book on habits, Jen. Oh, well, Atomic Habits.
Jen Hirst: Yeah. Actually, check that out since we're talking about it. The big one is Atomic Habits by James Clear. Now, another really good one is called Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. So, when I'm talking about if something to get started, that's daunting. When you break it up into these tiny, tiny little actions, it may seem dumb, but it's actually what you need to just get started.
And so I thought that was really, really good as well. So you can check out that one and check out Tiny Habits. There's a couple other books on habits, but Atomic Habits is the big one that you can check out. You can find that at Target, Walmart, everywhere.
Lori Massicot: I link it here. Uh, on Amazon, Sarah Russpatch was on the podcast earlier in the year with her book.
And I think that book is fantastic. So I will link that episode as well. [00:35:00] Those are great suggestions. Talk to me about the water. So you're saying at least 92 ounces, right? Is that what you said? Okay. So if we're looking at somebody who is not typically a water drinker, cause I hear this a lot from my clients, like, are you drinking water?
We're doing that. I mean, honestly, I could be in a grouchy mood and I could just feel like, okay, I'm going to have some water. I'm going to drink something that is going to hydrate, boost my skin, boost my mood a little bit. It does work. And I've been a water drinker, I think all my life. I have no problems with it.
But for somebody starting out looking at 92 ounces, that's like, how the heck are you supposed to do that? And then not go to the bathroom all day.
Jen Hirst: Well, you get it in, in the morning. You start your day with water, so at least drink at least 8 ounces of water as soon as you get up. So if 92 ounces is like, oh, let's break it down.
Can you start your morning before coffee with 8 ounces of water? You always start with water. If you can [00:36:00] delay caffeine for 90 minutes, fantastic, because That's going to help your stress and cortisol levels. Now, again, let's think, let's step back before we even get into that. Let's start with eight ounces of water in the morning.
Start like with that for two weeks, just starting your day with water. And then you can increase it to, you know, maybe it's 16 ounces in the morning, trying not to wait to get that water in the end of the day. You want to hit that water goal preferably by 6 p. m. So pacing yourself and things that can help you is again, making it visual.
I have, well, I used to have three, my dog chewed one. So I have two just plastic water bottles and I know that's not great for me. I could, I can get glass, but I like to see how far I have to go. I make it a game. And so again, talking about habit stacking, you can get so many of these and at the same time, you go for your walk and you bring your water bottle.
My goal, and because I'm ADHD, I love games, I love a timer, and no one's [00:37:00] going to know about this. But for me, it makes me chug my water a little bit faster is that by the time I get back from my walk, I have to finish this. Before I can get that next drink, I got to finish this. And you know, drinking water is easy to do.
It's also really easy to not do because we're so used to adding things to our drink and not used to that taste that it can seem hard, but it's not. It doesn't have to be. Set reminders on your phone. Your phone is going to be really, really helpful. You set it as an appointment, as a meeting. Okay, drink your water if you need those reminders.
I just carry my water bottle with me everywhere. I make it a game. And I don't like my drinks warm. I like it ice cold. So if this, this is going to get warm pretty soon. So if I want to savor it, I got to make it cold. So also think of how do you like your water, water, be picky with it. I like, do you like your water cold?
You like it warm? My daughter likes it lukewarm. I think that's [00:38:00] disgusting. I like it ice, frozen, cold, or I will not drink it. Now it, their water has a taste. Do you like tap water? Do you like filtered water? Do you like store bought water? I mean, this is the time to get picky with it. Do you like Fiji water?
You know, I know that's not really cost efficient right now, but whatever you need to do to drink more water, do it. And then you can stack that with something else with your workout. Stack those two together. That's really, really efficient and that's really easy. And give your, make it a game, make it exciting and decide from the get go, okay, so 92 ounces of water, this water bottle is 25 ounces.
So if I want to hit that goal or whatever goal that you set, I need to drink four of those a day and I need to do that before 6 PM. Even in my coaching programs, I require every, I don't require, if they don't drink it, if they don't bring it, whatever. But during [00:39:00] the call, we take sips together to have them finish and get to that water goal.
So we do it together. We hit that water goal and again, we make it fun, but taking that step back, okay, how much do I want to drink? How much does my water bottles hold? That means I need to drink, you know, such and such by this time, such and such by this time, such and such by this time. Now that's very regimented and it can feel like that in the beginning until it just becomes a way of life, until it becomes a habit and now you're just drinking water, water.
And then when that 6 p. m. hour comes around or that 5 p. m. hour comes around, yeah, then treat yourself with. A sparkling water or kombucha or something fun as like, okay, got in my water, go, I'm going to have a non alcoholic wine. Perfect. But get your water in. And it's one of them. It helps so much. It helps you sleep.
It helps balance your moods. It helps curb cravings. It helps you lose weight. It helps your brain function. Just thinking that your body is 60, 65 [00:40:00] percent water, you need to replenish and I think so often so many of us are dehydrated that we don't even recognize that those symptoms are because we're not getting enough water.
So headaches, dizziness, low energy, fatigue. Can all be improved by drinking pure,
Lori Massicot: clean water.
Jen Hirst: I know that was a long winded answer,
Lori Massicot: but Oh no, that's great. I used to think like, well, people should know this, so I don't need to talk about this kind of stuff, but it's like the very basic stuff. We got to start with that because Not everybody follows these types of things throughout the day.
And one of the reasons we get to the end of the day, because we're dehydrated, we're fatigued, we're hungry. Cause I can drink water and I don't feel as hungry if I drink it off, you know, afterwards, but those are all things. And if they are things that lead you to drink, this is why we are talking about these habits.
This is the whole purpose. Like. Having this practice throughout the day so you don't get to the end of the day or whenever your time is that you turn to alcohol and you don't get there and you're not like, that's [00:41:00] the only option. You're finding other options for yourself. No, that's fantastic. So we talked about reading, we talked about exercise.
Share a bit about gratitude. What is the importance of gratitude and staying sober?
Jen Hirst: Oh, it's so important. I mean, it's really seen the good in life and things that are going well, because we can either complain about what's going on. He said this, she said this, or we can look at, you know, what is this doing for me?
And when I first heard about gratitude, I'm like, ah, yeah, whatever. Or, or, and, and. And what really helped me was getting specific. And when I say, and I got this from Rachel Hollis when I, she started doing it with her Start Today journal, was looking at the past 24 hours. And I do gratitude in the morning.
You can also do it at night. I find the benefits in the morning. Because then I start my day with a state of gratitude of, oh my gosh, and it's looking for these little moments, these little things that made your day a little bit brighter. So this could be, you know, a store bought cup of coffee. Maybe you [00:42:00] got a really good hug from your kid.
You know, even yesterday it was my chicken, of course I live in the country, my chicken came up and wanted to work with me, or actually my cat just had a baby yesterday and I was able to actually watch her give birth. Super, I didn't even put that, I forgot about it. But it's like noticing these little things that went well, maybe the target had the last skinny pop of popcorn and you were able to get it and you're like, yes, because if they were out, you're like, dang it, my favorite popcorn, shoot.
It's like those little things that made you smile and it can be really hard in the beginning because our brains are naturally wired to think of negative and think negatively. So you actively have to seek out the positive. And look at that way, and it was really hard for me in the beginning, but over time, knowing that you're going to do this on a daily basis, every single day, write three to five things that you're grateful for from the past 24 hours, you're going to be on the lookout for them.
Knowing you're going to have to write something down, [00:43:00] and you can even, when something good happens and you notice it, you can even make a little note in your phone of like, I should remember that to write down for tomorrow. Or this morning, I, when I was working out outside, I saw a little heart made out of cement because we're having work done, like, Oh my God, Elf Mel Robbins looking for these hearts.
So I took a picture of it. It's finding these little things and then you look at life and you're like, no, life is actually pretty good. Things are actually working pretty well. pretty good for me. And that's when I've noticed the biggest benefit in people, you know, who have a state of gratitude and do it a gratitude practice are happier, you know, they smile more, they see the good in situations, and it really starts to change your brain over time.
So starting your day with that can begin to shift our focus on life, to look for the good, to find the good, I believe that life is good and that also sobriety is worth it. And there's so many good things that are happening because we make this decision.
Lori Massicot: Do you [00:44:00] think that the order of these habits, as far as like what we just said, like are they in the list of as far as importance?
Like this is number one. Don't drink. Hmm.
Jen Hirst: No. Well, yes and no. I would say don't drink is number one, second, it could be sober community too, a hard tie between second, sober community, checking in with that, but also exercise. That's the one thing that people slack on in the group. They don't make time for, but again, 10 minutes, you guys, it's less than 1 percent of your day can give you huge benefits and the ROI.
of 10 to 20 minute workout, 30 minutes ideally, can help in so many areas. If everybody, if exercise was put into a pill, everybody would take it. But so many people have the excuse that they don't have time. Make the time and you're going to see tremendous benefits in your [00:45:00] mental health. And yes, the physical health, but I really like to focus on your mental health.
It is so important, but also again, you're going to find these physical benefits. Yeah, you're going to. Maybe build some muscle, lose weight, but also in your heart and blood pressure and sleep and it's the best ripple effect. So I, I really think exercise or movement, some people get scared when I use the term exercise, movement, biking, paddleboarding, hiking, anything that just gets your heart rate up.
That is so, so helpful.
Lori Massicot: I agree. Solo dance parties. Those always work too. And it's something you could do throughout the day. It's not necessarily, you don't have to just do it in the morning, but you're just more intentional with it. And the reason that I asked about the order, because I'm wondering if somebody wants to get started on one of these habits tomorrow, what would be that habit for them?
Let's say they've already given up the alcohol. What would And they're ready to really have more of a daily routine. They need more structure. So that's why I was [00:46:00] asking. So that number one thing, I, I agree. I think it would be just getting up in the morning and taking a walk. And do you see, you suggest that they work on one habit at a time for a period of time?
Jen Hirst: You know, everybody's different. Ideally, I'd love for you guys to do all of them. You could even break them into like two minutes here, two minutes here, two minutes here, two minutes here. Okay. And then building up to you get to five things you're grateful for, a 30 minute workout. But you can start with, okay, so tomorrow, I have a good handle on my sobriety.
Tomorrow, I'm going to start my morning off with a 10 minute workout. 10 minute yoga, 10 minute stretching, yes, stretching is working out, a 10 minute walk. So we had this challenge in June called the 10 before 10 and I think Sarah Russvatch always did that too. And she mentioned that in her book of getting out for 10 minutes before 10 a.
m. for a walk because of how good morning sunlight is, getting some fresh air, moving your body, it has so [00:47:00] many benefits. And, uh, so maybe you want to do that 10 minutes before 10 a. m. And, and start there. Once you have a good handle on that, after You know, two weeks, 21 days, then if you want to add in something, you can add in something.
Or if you want to go gung ho and do all of them at once, feel free, because I've had many women have really good success with that too. It's just a matter of what feels good to you and what being realistic with, so you don't get overwhelmed because it can be overwhelming, but it can also help fill that time.
When, when I think so many women struggle with, what do I do with all this time? No, because I used to be drinking or recovering from drinking or planning my drinking, all of that can help fill that time. And when you can switch the me time instead of at 8 p. m. to whether it's 5 a. m. when you get up, 6 a. m.,
you switch that me time to the morning, you get to reap those benefits all day. So then when you get to that 8 p. m. hour, you're not going to feel so exhausted, so to [00:48:00] speak. With movement, you can break that up into 10 minutes here, take a 10 minute break during work or after you eat lunch at work or if you're staying at home mom or go outside or something like that, you can break that up into a 30 minute workout doesn't have to be in one sitting, it can be broken up throughout the day, so you have that option and any little bit
Lori Massicot: helps.
I agree. I want to ask you about tracking. Do you suggest for them to track like on a piece of paper in a planner or is there an app that you can recommend?
Jen Hirst: Yeah, I always recommend physical, like a, a piece of paper. So you can go to Canva. If you're not in my programs, I give you a tracker. You can go to Canva.
There's so many habit trackers that you can download for free. You can use one of that writing your habits because when it's visual and when you, and I would say put it up where you can see it every day, whether it's your closet, whether it's on your kitchen counter, [00:49:00] somewhere where you can see it and you can physically cross those off, it's a little dopamine hit and you get to see your overall progress and I'm not looking for a perfect streak.
But I'm looking for you to see how much you're showing up for yourself. And so that's why I see something that you can see every day as a reminder, as that visual cue is super important of, oh yeah, got to do that, got to do that. That is going to help you stay consistent as well. And it, you can even make it fun, go get some fun stickers, get some coloring, like markers or things like that, or just a simple check mark after you complete that habit.
Oh, it feels really good. And now it's not going to be a huge dopamine spike like alcohol does, but that's real. This is real. This is simple. This gives you confidence. And then when you show up for yourself and you prove to yourself that you can, you're going to boost that confidence. But there's also certain apps that you can use.
Some people like using, I think there's a habit tracker app. I personally, I need an app, [00:50:00] anybody, if you as an app developer, let me know, but, but I, I really believe in printing things out. I don't, I don't like things on the phone because I have so many distractions and when you open your phone, you're also opening the option to get sidetracked by the little red little notification and this, and soon enough, it's 30 minutes an hour and you have no idea what happened.
So. Yeah. I really believe a physical tracker is helpful.
Lori Massicot: You too. It's good to see it. Like I'll keep something inside my medicine cabinet or inside our linen, uh, closet in the bathroom because I have a dry erase board where I write notes to myself and nice kind things. And sometimes I'll track there, but it's just nice to have it.
And you're right. It goes back to the beginning of our conversation with celebrating your wins and being proud of yourself. Like. Um, if you're looking at a week and you did work out three days a week or you walk three days a week, that's more than no days a week. And so you're practicing consistency and you're building it up and I'm all for printing [00:51:00] things out.
I just love it so much to talking about that last habit. Well, the last one that we talked about accountability, checking into sober community, talk about lighthouse sobriety. Yeah. Wow. Well, lighthouse
Jen Hirst: sobriety. Community of women, well, our mission statement is, who embrace a sober lifestyle to feel our best and have some fun along the way.
And I created this because it was a direct ask. I kept sending women to other communities and they wanted to stick together. And so we're not just sobriety based. We also have nutrition. We also have live workouts. We have a book club. I coach in there. We have daily check ins. And I really wanted to make this fun.
community that keeps us connected. And that's the most important thing. And so I post daily in there, but it's really important to have a community. And many of the women who join do not have a community, or if they've been sober for two years and they don't have a community, and that can be really isolating and feel really lonely.
And I, I [00:52:00] really think that if you hang around people who drink. It can really be tempting and really get into your mind that, oh, maybe I can just have one and it can be really lonely. So I encourage you, whether it's virtual or in person, I know we also do some in person events, but to find that community and sometimes you have to shop around to find a community that works for you, whether that's co ed, whether that's just a women's community.
I know we focus a lot on self care and wellness. And really just taking care of yourself and laughing and all of those things. So that's what we're about, but checking in with that community every day if you can. And if that seems daunting, that's okay. Maybe it's a few times a week. But like I mentioned before, your community could be one person.
It could be a couple people. But making sure you're checking in with someone and connecting in some way, shape, or form, whether that's through Marco Polo, which is a great app that you can check out. Whether that's a phone call, whether that's just commenting on someone else's post. [00:53:00] In the membership or in a group, whether that's taking a conversation to a message and connecting with them, it's, or just checking into the app and seeing what's going on at least once a day is really beneficial and helpful again to just keep your sobriety strong, keep your community strong and meet some of the most amazing women out there.
They're all, they are out there and they're waiting for you. You just have to find the right community.
Lori Massicot: Yeah, I agree. I love that. I'm going to have everything linked down below for your community. Do you have something coming up that you want to talk about?
Jen Hirst: Yeah, well, I have my Sober October group that's going to be for early sobriety for, so for the first 31 days.
And then I also have a journal coming out at the beginning of December that guides you through your first 100 days of sobriety. And I made this as a direct ask, and many of the things I do are a direct ask from my members and my clients [00:54:00] of, Hey, I think we need this. I'm like, okay, great. I'll create it.
And so I went into this of what would I have wanted to know? How do I use a planner, a journal? I've tried so many planners and journals out there and nothing works better than a blank page sometimes. And I like spiral bound. And so it was so cool to create this, but also giving you some guidance of.
identifying your goal. What's your goal for the first 100 days? I give you a tracker that you can fill out. I also help you identify why you are doing this, how to get to that crystal clear why. And some also little prompts to guide you through, again, those first 100 days of sobriety. But also if you have a good handle on your sobriety, I invite you to choose a new goal to focus on for the 100 days, because I really think it takes 100 days to build a habit.
It does not take 21 days. It did not take 30 days. It really takes that [00:55:00] consistency. So, this will help you do that with any new goal that you set or if you are in the early stages of sobriety or looking to get sober, it will help you through that. So, that'll be available at the beginning of December as well.
Lori Massicot: Awesome. Awesome. Well, I'll have your website linked, of course, so. Make a note, save the date for December, and then follow Jen on Instagram, because I'm sure you're going to be talking about it there. And then also just because your Instagram is super cool and helpful. Oh, thank you. Jen, let me ask you this.
When you went into treatment that final time, what did you need to hear or what did you hear from somebody at that time?
Jen Hirst: What I needed to hear from someone, and I say this all the time is, you know what? Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. And no one ever told me that. Everyone was so scared.
And I didn't know if I was going to be okay, but I really just wanted someone to tell me you're exactly where you're supposed to be and everything is going to be okay, you're going to get through this. But I think even now, [00:56:00] what can be helpful for people, and even if you have a good handle on your sobriety, is that it's okay to feel uncomfortable.
It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel bored. It's okay to feel angry. You will not die from feeling discomfort. You're not going to die from a feeling, but the action you take based on that feeling. So it's okay to go into a party and be awkward, not know what to say, feel shy. You're not going to die. So discomfort.
Is the cure for drinking is you just got to feel it and navigate and there's certain things that can help you with discomfort, like calming tea, which is what you saw me drinking before this. I drink this before I do a podcast. There are certain things that can help you calm down and just learn to be with yourself and that you're perfect and okay.
Amazing exactly as you are, unaltered.
Lori Massicot: So yeah, that's what I would say. Unaltered. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. Beautiful way to end this episode. [00:57:00] I thank you for being here, Jen. It's fantastic. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening today. Go and check out Lighthouse Sobriety.
I'll have everything linked down below to reach out to Jen and look at her Instagram, because again, if you want some daily inspiration, check out her To keep up with these habits and more tips to help you sustain sobriety. Jen is your gal. I will see you next week with a brand new episode. If you like this episode, subscribe to the podcast and make sure to leave a positive rating and review.
That always helps me get to 50 and beyond out to more midlife gals. Just like you. I'll see you soon. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
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To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
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