What Are You Waiting For? A Compassionate Approach
What Are You Waiting For? A question and episode that comes with a compassionate approach and encouragement to help you get a clear understanding of what is holding you back from going alcohol-free.
Asking this question isn’t about the urgency to hurry things up and stop drinking. It’s about being honest with yourself and easing your mind if you’re worried about your drinking and pressuring yourself to quit.
I share what I was waiting for: a “normal” relationship with alcohol. When I realized this didn’t exist, I chose to stop drinking.
It’s not an easy choice to make.
Understanding Readiness
Many women I speak with feel this immense pressure to quit drinking, often comparing their journey to others or feeling frustrated by their progress. But here’s the thing: readiness is unique to each of us. There isn’t a magical timeline that dictates when you should stop drinking. It’s about when you feel in your heart that it’s time to make a change.
The Timing Dilemma
In last week’s episode, I chatted with my friend Lindsay Sutherland Boal and we explored whether there’s a perfect time to give up alcohol. Lindsay pointed out something profound: you’ll know when it’s time for you to stop drinking. It may not be after a significant life event or a health scare; sometimes, it just happens when you’re ready. So ask yourself:
What am I waiting for?
Is there a specific moment or mindset I need to reach before I can commit?
Alcohol-Free Your Way
One of the most effective ways to ease your mind during this process is to create a weekly plan. Instead of focusing on long-term goals that can feel overwhelming, break them down into manageable steps. Here are some key elements to consider:
Progress: Identify what progress looks like for you.
Purpose: Reflect on why this change matters in your life.
Short-Term Planning: Set realistic weekly goals that feel achievable.
Your Process: Make this journey personal and adaptable and celebrate your milestones along the way!
If you’re in the thick of trying to figure out your relationship with alcohol, it’s completely okay to feel uncertain. I was there too! When I stopped drinking in 2013, I didn’t have a detailed plan; I just knew I was exhausted from the back-and-forth struggle with alcohol. It took me time to find joy in sobriety, but once I did, everything shifted.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure, remember: you’re not alone, and every small step counts.
Be compassionate with yourself during this time of transition.
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Hello there, my friend. Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. I am Lori. I am your host. I am so happy that you are here today. I'm the midlife sobriety coach and founder of Team Alcohol Free, an online coaching community for women 35 and over who are working together to create an alcohol free lifestyle.
I believe that it is the era of the midlife woman going into this next chapter of her life and taking over the roles that alcohol has once played. And I am here for it. This is the reason why 250 and Beyond exists. I stopped drinking in 2013 and I started the podcast in 2018 because I thought maybe there's one, you know, Gal out there who needs to know of this option of living alcohol free and listen, it's not a cure all it's not Fixing everything in life But it really gives you an opportunity when you stop doing something that you are working up against like drinking alcohol And I did it for quite a while Trying to make alcohol work when you lean in and you really embrace it and you commit to yourself And you go all in to living alcohol free you really offer yourself another opportunity You To live differently I can say the alcohol free lifestyle for me is me living differently I'm gonna talk about it differently and also, kinda sounds dramatic but that's okay, let's add some drama to it.
It's living this life that I never thought I would live! Ever! Ever! I never thought I would be behind a microphone on a Monday morning at 1045, talking to people around the world about my drinking and not drinking. And I think that it can really lead you in a direction. Where you are just like blown away like let's be in awe of ourselves Let's be shocked by all the shit that we can do as we get older because we are not standing down and we are not Giving up our lives to alcohol and that is why i'm here And if you can't tell i'm very passionate about this topic and I also am coming to you today with a podcast episode That is compassionate and i'm asking you.
What are you waiting for as a compassionate approach to going alcohol free. I am not saying to you What are you waiting for do it now do it now the time is running out This is a follow up to last week's episode. It's not a prerequisite to listen to this episode But I did sit down with my friend lindsay sutherland bole and it was a fantastic episode and I asked her Do you believe in a timing for this because I think about it all the time I hear from women You All the time about how long they've been working on going alcohol free that they should be able to do it that they should be enjoying life without drinking alcohol and they get to a point where they're just so frustrated and they're pressuring themselves or they're following a program or a step by step roadmap somebody else created and they get to this point where it's like, I don't know.
I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if this is for me. And there is a timeline to it and what lindsay had said and I wish that I can remember what lindsay said you can go back and listen the episode But it was like yeah She believes in the timing that when you're going to give up alcohol is when you're going to give up alcohol basically and that is not eloquently put like Lindsay put it, but then we went on to talk about What are you waiting for the cancer diagnosis?
Or you know The downside of drinking is that what you're waiting for because we can have all these things we could have the diagnoses We could have the tragedies in life. It doesn't equal giving up drinking alcohol You It sounds like I'm doing like a rebuttal to that conversation.
I'm not, I'm doing an add on and I'm coming to you because I did mention it in the podcast episode last week. It's like, how can we approach this and ask ourselves like, really, what am I waiting for? And the purpose of this episode is to ease your mind, possibly give yourself a plan that you can focus on and Take the worry and the stress off, especially during a really stressful time of year.
I don't want anybody to ever feel like, because of all of these things, these tragedies in life, these rock bottoms that we hit, that, oh, that means automatically I'm going to give up alcohol and it's going to be easy breezy. I don't know if I would have been in that place back when I stopped drinking in 2013.
I wasn't Googling or researching health risks to my drinking. I was just so tired of the back and forth and thinking about drinking alcohol and not drinking alcohol. I was so worried about my drinking, I was drinking because I was worried about my drinking, and I was tired of that, and I had no plan on the day that I quit drinking to stop drinking.
It just happened. It came to me that night, and I heard a voice, if you listen to this podcast, you've heard me say this quite a few times. This voice, I don't know whose voice it is, I think it was God's, but I'm not really sure, maybe, could have been my mom, could have been my dad, somebody said, you've had enough for two lifetimes.
Put it down. Like, you cannot make this work anymore, I had two bottles on deck that night. I was into my first bottle, and I was drinking, and I was realizing. This doesn't even taste good anymore. And I kept asking myself, is this a bad habit? Is this a waste of my time? Plus, I was in the thick of perimenopause.
I was not feeling good at that time in my life. I was 45 years old and I was just thinking, I have had enough. I don't think that there's enough wine or champagne or any other kind of alcohol out there that's going to make my life more enjoyable, less sad, less lonely. All of those things that I was drinking to fill the holes
and honestly, at that time, and especially after I stopped drinking, I didn't know really what I wanted. I didn't know why I was drinking. I thought I was drinking because of anxiety. I thought I was drinking because of stress. stress. There was so much more to it, but I could not differentiate until I stopped drinking.
That's when I found a better understanding to what was happening. That's when I was able to step into the role that alcohol was playing in my life for three decades, and it has taken me 11 plus years of sobriety to still work on these different roles. I want you to know if you are working on being free from alcohol, we're always going to be working on it no matter where we are at what stage.
And I also want to remind you that if you are in the stage of, I just don't know if this is good for me. I just don't know if this is right for me. I don't know if I want this for myself. I'm not seeing any improvements in not drinking. I just want you to know it's okay. It's okay. I felt that way too.
Goodness, I was not skipping down the street about this. Took me a lot of time for myself. And I finally got to the point where I accepted it. That helped. And then I leaned more into, well, let's find some joy. Like, if I'm gonna do this, let me find some joy. Also, I want to say, if you're working on being alcohol free, If it's a day, if it's a week, if it's a month, if it's a year, if it's 20 years, whatever, like, you're a badass.
You're doing something for yourself that not a lot of people will do. Especially if you are in this place of going back and forth, you are persevering. You're not giving up. I always want to remind you of that. It takes a lot of gumption. I want to be around women like you.
That have the gumption to keep going. If you get to this place where you're just Beating yourself up about not being consistent with it. I know that you can get to a place where you can say I want to own my process here I want to give myself a break because I'm human and alcohol is a highly addictive substance I want to give myself a break and I want to let myself be right now do what feels best for me Because if you are following somebody else's strategy or plan or roadmap, it's not your way.
You've got to make alcohol free living your way. There is a process to this and transitioning to it, part of it is figuring out what you want to do about your drinking. So when you get to this point of, okay, what am I waiting for? What is it? I hope that you can ask yourself with some compassion and like you would a friend.
What are you waiting for? How can we work this out? And that's what I'm here to ask you today. How can you work it out to where you can ease your mind and create a plan for yourself? And I want to encourage you to do a weekly plan and I'm coming up with an episode that's going to talk about this either next week or the week after.
I'm getting ready to open up enrollment again for Team Alcohol Free and You're going to get the end of the year pricing for 2024 before it changes in 2025, you're also going to get our end of the year countdown, which is going to help you decide where you are with your relationship with alcohol and where you want to be.
I'm aiming to open enrollment by December 17th or 18th. If you're listening to the podcast, you'll get all the details and especially if you're on my email community. This is the thing going into 2025 and the reason why I brought up Team Alcohol Free Enrollment.
We are working now on weekly planning. This has been something that has been in the making for six plus years of me coaching privately. Hundreds of women in my groups. I have recognized the need for short term rather than long term because we all have that mindset for weeks. That sounds like a long time to be without alcohol.
Even seven days sounds like a long time for most of us, but what you can do when you're planning each week. You can set it up for yourself. What is my plan this week? I'm going to drink two glasses less on Tuesday night, or I'm going to take the weekend off, or I'm going to take the entire week off.
What if you planned it out so it worked for you and it felt good for you? And then every week, you track your progress, not with perfection, but to see the actual progress and the meaning behind that progress. So this framework that I have created, it has been six plus years in the making, and it has to do with four Ps.
Progress first, you have to identify the progress you want to make so you can work towards it. Purpose, it has to have a meaning behind it, especially for midlife women. It's like, why are we doing this? Why does that matter? And then a short term plan. So a seven day plan where you can just like ease your mind and go, Okay, this is what I'm focusing on this week.
And more importantly, this is not what I'm focusing on this week. I'm not focusing on perfection. I'm gonna give myself some flexibility and those three P's Lead to your process and your process is your way of doing alcohol free and that's what matters and that is what is going to work for you.
This is what I do with my private clients and I incorporated it into team alcohol free more in the summer with weekly meetings every Monday morning at 7 a. m. Pacific. We meet to talk about. The progress that you made last week, what you want to focus on this week. It's a great check in and an anchor because if we're not doing that, we're not able to see the progress.
And it always has to start with that because you want to tell yourself you're not making any. I wanted to mention that because there is just way too much pressure happening with women trying to give up alcohol.
The progress that you're working towards really matters when you're asking yourself, what am I waiting for? If you're looking at, you know, what am I waiting for to quit a hundred percent forever, is this going to be my thing?
There's some questions that you can ask yourself and they're very realistic and they're honest and they're friendly. If you. Go about this in a friendly approach and say, you know what, what would I do if I had a girlfriend that came to me and said, I really have been working on living alcohol free.
I'm having a difficult time. I'm not sure if this is for me. I'm not sure if I can do it. And you're there and you're listening and you're being really kind and you say, well, what would I do? What can we work out together?
What does that timeline look like for you? And if you had somebody that was asking you that in a really friendly way, you can exhale, you can sit back and you can think about it. And that's what I want you to do today. I want you to think about it or carry this with you next week if you're not in a good place to listen to this, but what are you waiting for?
Get clear on it. Is there a specific moment or date? Is there a specific month? Is there a specific mindset that you need to be in to get to this place where you say, okay, I'm ready. I'm going to do this alcohol free thing and I'm going to go all in and I'm going to create a plan that works for me and I'm going to follow along to learn my process.
What information or evidence do you feel like you still need to gather before taking this step? During the two years before I quit drinking, leading up to it, I was gathering all kinds of data about my drinking, what kind of drinker I was or wasn't, how I could moderate. If moderation was for me, can I drink like I thought a normal person would drink?
Which a normal person to me, even today, it's like take it or leave it. I knew in my heart that if I was going to wait for that, for me to be a normal drinker, I was going to spend a lot of time drinking and I just kept thinking, I don't want to be a normal drinker. I don't want to drink less.
I don't want to drink more. So I got to the point finally two years in that night that I just stopped drinking. There was not a plan. It was enough. It was enough. And that's when I went all in. And so if I were to look back In 2011 ish, when I started to research, am I an alcoholic? What does this mean?
Do I have to stop drinking? All of those things, what I was waiting for was to find a balance with drinking alcohol because I didn't want to give it up. And so I got really clear on that. And that's ultimately what led me to going all in and saying it's off the table. I can't do it anymore.
Knowing that I couldn't do it anymore because I didn't want to drink like I was really working hard to drink like a normal person. I didn't want to drink more because that was having such a depressing effect on me. It was taking me to the lowest levels that I had ever been in my entire life.
I knew that more wasn't enough. I knew that less wasn't enough. I knew what I was waiting for didn't exist. I was honest with myself for the very first time. I wasn't 100 percent ready, even though I said I'm going all in, I'm not drinking anymore.
I wasn't ready to quit drinking. I really wanted to make it work. I want to emphasize that because I know a lot of you are in that place. Most of us are, you know, I'd really like to have the best of both worlds here. I'd like to be able to drink and then I'd also like to not have the thoughts and the feelings about my drinking.
Waking up the next day feeling horrible. I wanted to have the best of both worlds and I just could not make that work for me. So what I was waiting for didn't exist and that's how I was able to give myself a little grace and say well You're not ready to stop drinking, but you're definitely ready to feel better And that was my reason why that is what drove me that night to stop drinking and to say yeah, it's Enough.
It's more than enough. All of the alcohol and the wine and the champagne. There's no more left. I have to figure this out. What does ready even mean? Like what does it mean to you? Because I feel like that's something that I was saying back then.
Is that something that you're saying? I'm just not ready. . It's okay not to be ready for this and not give up alcohol. Create your plan so you can drink less. That could help you get to the other side of this. It's also okay to not be ready and to do the damn thing anyway. If I told you otherwise, then I would not be being honest with you because I do believe that I don't know if I would ever have been ready to that extent where I thought that I had to be ready to give up alcohol. Like, it has to be a certain day. It has to be the first of the month.
I quit drinking August 11th, Saturday was Saturday or Sunday. Oh, what day was it? It was a weekend. It's checking in with your mindset and how your brain works and what works best for you I also want to make sure that you're hearing what I'm saying, like, you can do this at any time.
I know that there's fear around this. Oh my gosh, so much fear. I know that there's doubt, especially if you've done it before, but what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for the fear to be gone? Are you waiting for the doubt to be gone? Is that realistic for you? Asking yourself better questions at this stage of life and at this stage of your drinking is what you deserve.
Is this realistic for you? Do I feel like I am one day going to wake up and be 100 percent ready, 100 percent confident in myself? And if it is, great. I'm not saying that you're not. For me, no. It wouldn't have come because I wouldn't have been 100 percent ready. I would never have been 100 percent confident in Laurie Massacott, the party girl, not drinking.
Are you kidding me? No way. That's not going to happen. I would have been waiting around and extending the inevitable for way too long if I was waiting for that. So what are you waiting for? Be honest and be realistic and know that I am here to support you in whatever that is for you.
That self awareness and being honest with yourself is where it starts. You're going to figure out the rest. I know that there is so much wrapped up in this and even if there's not for you, there's still something that's holding you back. Even if you don't have the fear, even if you don't have the self doubt, maybe you're just thinking, I don't know.
I don't even know if I really want this. That's okay too. The thing is, this is what I want to say right here. When you are drinking and you find yourself in that place where you're thinking about drinking and not drinking a lot, just where I was.
That's the time where you can really look at, well, how is alcohol affecting my decision making here? That's why I say take it off the table. Give yourself time. How much time? That's up to you. I would say if you're in a place where you're like, I've given myself 30 days, I've given myself a year, I'm not really sure.
I would always encourage you to keep going because I always feel like whenever you put in that time, whether it's a week, a day, two days, three days, a year, 10 years, 11 years, whatever it is, If you're not to that point, where you're just like 100 percent certain and like confident in this choice. You can look at it and go, well, how much more confident am I now than when I started?
Cause there will be a difference if you allow yourself to look at it, look at the positive changes that you have made. Cause even if you get in that place where I know I was like, there's nothing positive about this. I haven't lost the weight. I haven't saved the money. I haven't done this and that, but I'm less moody.
My skin looks a little better, all of these things. Like I was able to take myself there because these expectations that I had set up for myself in the beginning were very unrealistic. And I always thought, well, hey, maybe one day I will lose some weight. Maybe one day I will have all this extra money because I'm not spending it on alcohol.
Maybe I'm just not there yet. And yet. And that word is so powerful when you can use it and say, Okay, maybe I need more time to figure this out. Maybe I need more time to ask myself, what am I waiting for? And in the meantime, it's like in the meantime, in the between, there's so much that you can do for yourself.
I'm going to be hosting a coaching session inside team alcohol free at the end of January, where we are talking about how you can go all in without quitting drinking, go all in on yourself and create that weekly plan. So again, if you are interested in joining team alcohol free, Get in there before the year starts because we are working off that 52 weeks for the entire year of tracking 2025.
And I want you to have a great foundation to start. You don't have to start dry January. I'm going to talk more about that probably on the podcast, but definitely inside team Alcohol Free. You can start at any point. The point is to start with your terms. with the progress you want to make, the purpose behind it, and your plan so you can learn your process as you go.
But I will tell you, if alcohol is in the picture, and it's there, it's going to affect your decision making. So if you can ease up, take a break, get to the other side where you are having some more clarity and better understanding around your drinking and what you want, and ask yourself this question, what am I waiting for?
What feels best for me? Listen to the answers and see what comes up. Maybe it's a mindset shift, maybe it's getting support and asking for help. If you're leaving that to the last and you've been working on this for a really long time, put it to the forefront because it matters. Whether that be counseling, therapy, coaching, a community, and I'm not just saying my community, any community, wherever you can get support.
If you're waiting for that and you need that extra support, it's there for you. If you're waiting to be ready, ask yourself, what does ready mean to you? What does that feel like? Does it have to be 100%?
Do I have to be 100 percent ready and confident and go, Hell yeah, I'm putting this on Facebook, like I'm going all in. What does that look like for you? For me, I just was ready to feel better, and that was enough at the time, and then it grew, and I gained momentum, I gained motivation to keep going, just by the fact that I wasn't drinking and I wasn't beating myself up about it I was still thinking about drinking and not drinking for quite a while, and I still had all that chatter and that mind drama, but I wasn't adding alcohol to the mix, and that, again, It helped me understand my situation and who I was as a woman at 45 years old and what I was capable of doing and changing in my life more than anything.
Alcohol, if it's in the picture, it really mucks things up. Be compassionate with yourself on this. Get clear on what you're waiting for. I hope that you can ease some pressure on yourself and do it your way. Do alcohol free your way, because that's the way it's going to work.
That is the way it's going to work. And if you need help, you need guidance, you can always email me @hellolori@lorimassicot.com. I do have a six week package that is going to be enrolling in a couple of weeks going into the first of the year to help you ease in. Comes with enrollment for team alcohol free.
I cannot say enough. about where we're going in 2025. So if you want your spot, get on in there because I'm closing enrollment up in January and it won't be open again until end of March, April. If you want to start the year and not look at the whole entire year, but look at the 52 weeks in front of us and track them, celebrate your progress, own your process.
I highly recommend going and checking out team alcohol free and not just checking it out get on in there because there's so many Supportive women and I am there cheering you on and I'm with you. It's very small group So you get a lot of time with me and I have a lot of compassion for you I want you to have compassion for yourself This is hard stuff and go forth with this question and ask yourself when you come up with an answer Send me an email.
I would love to hear from you. I will see you next week on the podcast Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
I’m with you.
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