The Meaning of Going “All In” On Living Alcohol-Free
episode 314
When I first considered living alcohol-free, like many women, I tried the moderation game. I attempted to control my drinking, set strict rules, and negotiate with myself about when and how much I could drink. It was exhausting and unfulfilling!
The night I quit drinking, I made the tough decision to go "all in" on what I wanted more than alcohol. At the time, I was 45 and I desperately wanted to feel better. I had an inkling that my drinking wasn’t going to make that possible.
The purpose of this episode is to help you understand what I mean by going “all in” on living alcohol-free so we are on the same page.
I talk about the meaning and what it doesn’t mean: Going all in means spending your precious time and energy working on the most important relationship you have - the one with yourself. It doesn’t mean perfection or every single day for the rest of your life sober.
Instead of draining your mental energy on moderation rules, when you go “all in”, you can channel that energy into personal growth, self-discovery, and building a life that is more in alignment with your values and goals.
The “all-in” approach allows you to:
Give yourself space to figure out what helps you stay alcohol-free. You no longer turn to alcohol as a solution because you are the solution now.
Focus inward instead of seeking external validation through alcohol and outdated messaging that drinking is “acceptable.”
Create meaningful change with yourself instead of the drain that comes with trying to make alcohol work.
I know it’s not easy to decide to stop drinking. What I encourage you to do in this episode is to honor yourself and what you want more than alcohol daily.
I will keep reminding you that you are worth the commitment.
Going all in on living alcohol-free is the kindest, most caring, respectful, loving thing that you can do for yourself.
Mentioned in this episode:
A Compassionate Approach to What Are You Waiting For?
The Mantras: I am my own inspiration. I’m all in on me. I matter more than any sip of alcohol.
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When asked what I did to stop drinking, the first thing that I always say is I went all in. I committed to it. It wasn't easy to do, but this is the first step. When you have that commitment to yourself and what you want more than alcohol, you're going to figure out what helps you stay alcohol free.
You're going to give yourself space from alcohol and that's what we all need. It's impossible to figure out you're drinking and figure out what you can do on your own without alcohol while you're still drinking. I say this with so much compassion and love. For everyone, because I know that the timeline in doing something as big as going alcohol free, whether you are a everyday drinker or somebody who drinks casually, it's a big decision to make, and it doesn't come easy.
So today I want to give you a little bit of insight into something that I have talked about from day one of the podcast, and it has evolved over time, and now I call it Plan A. All in on living alcohol free and yourself and give you what it is and what it isn't as far as I am concerned. So we are on the same page.
Hey there, I'm Lori. Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. If you're coming back to the podcast, yay you. Thank you so much for coming back. If you're coming into the podcast for the very first time, thank you for being here.
This is where we talk about living alcohol free later in life. I am here for it. Gosh, where do I want to start? I started in the beginning with what I do say when people ask me what I did, and of course there's way more to it. And if you've listened to the podcast before, you have heard me mention the challenges that I had, especially in that first year after I stopped drinking, I stopped drinking August 11th, 2013.
I started drinking in 1982. So there was a lot of years in a relationship with alcohol. And the night that I stopped drinking, I realized that I had had enough. I heard a voice say, you've had enough for two lifetimes.
It's time to put it down. I had no plan that night to stop drinking. And I just remember thinking, you have to do this now. You do not want to spend the next 30 years in the same state that you were in. And the two years leading up to making this decision to go all in, I was trying to moderate and I was really into that.
I was trying to moderate, drink less in a way that I didn't want to drink. And that felt like so much work and I felt disappointed in myself at every turn. There were certainly times where, yes, I did drink less. I wasn't happy about it. I always wanted more. I took alcohol off the table, and so if you get this visual, if you're somebody like me who likes a good visual, there is alcohol on the table.
My favorite. Chardonnay and Champagne. It's there and if I'm looking at this table and I see alcohol it's really hard for me not to pour a glass or two or three or a bottle and if I take it off the table there's nothing there, there's not an option there for me.
I could actually think on my own and breathe on my own and relax on my own and come up with better solutions than alcohol to whatever it was that was driving me to drink. And at the time I stopped drinking, I was 45 years old. I had no idea I was going with what I felt at 14, which was to fit in, to not blush.
Cause my neck would get Crazy red hives all over it when I was younger and even into my 20s and 30s I'm a anxious person even now. There's a low grade of anxiety But I have much better coping tools now and I don't want to force it away anymore I live with it and I was always trying to force it away but at the time when I stopped drinking it was just like I'm not really sure why I drink anymore, and I kept saying to myself, this seems like a bad habit.
Why do I keep doing it? Because I didn't feel good. And one of the reasons why I decided to go alcohol free was for that. I wanted to feel better. I was in perimenopause. I didn't look good. I didn't feel good about myself. I really felt like I was not in control of my life. I was not in charge. And so that is the reason why I decided to stop drinking on that night.
And I had two bottles of Chardonnay on deck. I was home by myself. I poured half of one down the sink because I had already opened it. And then I opened the other one and I poured it down and I thought, well, what am I going to do next? I didn't believe. That I was going to commit to this, but that's really what I did and I don't think I was committed in the beginning.
I think that's a farce to think that when you go all in and you commit to being alcohol free, it's a hundred percent in the beginning. It's just not. Over time, today, it's a hundred percent. Is it guaranteed? I have to do the work to Keep the guarantee, but nobody's guaranteed what tomorrow is going to bring them or the future.
I want to focus on today, and for today I am staying alcohol free for all of the reasons why I used to drink. It was not an easy choice to go all in, and what this means to me, if you haven't already got the gist of it, Going all in is spending your time and your energy working on the most important relationship you have, the one with yourself.
When we look at that and what I just explained to you, I was doing the work to keep the relationship with alcohol going and it wasn't working for me because it made me feel like trash. And it just wasn't good enough anymore. So when you take that energy, if you're in that moderation game, which so many of us are, when we get to that place of trying to figure out if we want to quit drinking or if we can drink like a, in air quotes, normal person all of those things,
You take breaks, you take long extended breaks, and then you think, well, I've, I'm good now. I can go back. It happens. . For a lot of us and when you get to that point where you recognize this is a lot of work I think i'd rather put my time and energy towards myself because that's when we're creating Sustainability in our future in living alcohol free and giving ourselves the chance to see what we can do When We step back in and we are in charge so going all in on living alcohol free is really the Kindest, most caring, respectful, loving thing that you can do for yourself.
And I am here to continually remind you that you are worthy of this commitment. It doesn't have to be forever. It's just something we say, like I said, there's no guarantee of what's going to happen tomorrow . I just counted how many days that I have been alcohol free. It was last week. I think we're, I'm at a little over 4, 200 days, like, that's a long time, right?
If somebody had said that to me back in 2013, that you're going to make it to 4, 200 days, I would say, yeah. I don't think so. I don't think so. And even now, like if I look now and like, what about another 4, 200 days? Well, I sure hope so. I'm all in today, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure what the future is going to bring.
Why I'm sharing this with you is make the commitment for yourself today. And every single day you revisit that commitment and you remind yourself of why you're doing this. That why is so much more important than any sip of alcohol. When you commit to yourself and your choice not to drink, you can turn your focus inward. Instead of seeking external validation or temporary relief through alcohol, you focus on what you want. And when I say inward, it's you and your capabilities, and it's not external. It's not alcohol. It's not other people's opinions.
It's not what other people are doing. We live in a world that Really looks at alcohol a drug as acceptable and if you don't drink there's something wrong with you and we can continue Believing in that or we can also look at the other side of this world where people are speaking up about going alcohol free It's one of the best times and I've said this from the very beginning of the podcast midlife is one of the best times because we don't want to keep doing the same stuff That we keep doing and get the same results that alcohol gives us.
We want different. There's a time issue here. I'm not saying it to scare anybody. There are risks to our health here if we continue to drink and we continue to do something that is not feeling good for us. It's not aligned with our values. It's not aligned with our goals. We are resisting ourselves and what we truly want.
So when you give yourself the opportunity and the chance to turn your focus inward, instead of relying on that old messaging and what other people think, and that old friend alcohol, you say, I am in favor of myself and I'm choosing myself.
And man, that is such, a gift. We are here to create more meaning in our lives than alcohol could ever or will ever create for us as we get older as midlife women. The reason why I created the Plan A coaching program and our theme inside Team Alcohol Free, my community is all in on me living alcohol free in 2025.
We do it with compassion. In my private coaching, I help women ease in. There's not that day one commitment to not drinking because we need time to figure this out. We got to make sure we are figuring things out for ourselves because you're never going to go alcohol free if you're pressuring yourself.
So where I'm coming from is it's not about perfection. It is about making progress. It's learning from slips and blips and setbacks and getting back up and bringing yourself to the point where you will move forward. Because you've given yourself time away from alcohol. You have better tools now.
You know what helps you. It's seeing yourself in a different light for sure what it's really not about when you make that first step forward into going into more of a commitment of living alcohol free It's not about having everything Figured out and I know that's a fear.
I had it. I know what it's like I see it in so many other women's like I have to have everything figured out before I get started taking action in living alcohol free and I'm talking about every single day. I'm choosing myself over alcohol what i'm talking about in figuring things out It's like what are those tools that are going to help me when you take action and you actually do it Then you're figuring out. Okay I know what helps me work through an F it moment when I was very motivated to drink in those early days and I had an urge to just say if I'm going back and I said that almost every single day that first year I was in heavy negotiations with myself and I think now when I look back on it, I definitely was using that as a way to cope and manage because I was giving myself a little bit of hope and knowing that you can't go back.
It's there. But you're not going to, because you remember why you're doing this, and you remember that all of this work that you've done leading up to it, Day 7, Day 37, Day 180, etc., is hard, and you don't want to go back to doing it again, and that's what kept me going.
But I wouldn't have figured out the things that were really helping me if I hadn't gotten to day seven, day 37, day 180. I just wouldn't have. So you giving yourself this commitment to going all in on you and what you want more than alcohol during this time, that's where you're going to figure things out.
In action, in forward movement. And again, I know the fear around that. Like I have to listen to one more podcast. I have to read one more book. I have to have better tools and a toolbox full of all these things that I can do. You need yourself and you need to love yourself and remind yourself of everything that you have overcome in life and that you're going to do it and take it on a daily basis and know that I am here to support you.
And if you want to come back and listen to this podcast, I'm going to remind you right now. What you want more than alcohol is so much more important. And I want you to keep moving forward. . It's all about learning from your experiences in those moments that you just think, Oh my gosh, I'm going to drink.
And then you remind yourself, Nope, I'm not. I'm committed to myself. Let me find something else to do and find a better solution. You step into the role of alcohol. And man, what a freeing experience that is, especially in midlife. For me, living alcohol free and not relying on alcohol, but instead relying on myself and building this relationship with myself, like alcohol, you can't touch me.
I know this about myself has been one of the biggest. Best things that I never thought I would experience ever ever because I always relied on not just alcohol But other people and now I rely on myself and that's what I want for you
Going alcohol free is so much more than not drinking. It really is building that better connection with yourself You And giving yourself honest feedback and hugging yourself through difficult times and reminding yourself you've got this, you can do this. The signs that you're ready to commit. are there, if you listen, if you know, for sure, for me, it was just that back and forth. I couldn't tolerate it anymore. I didn't have the energy. So I knew that there was probably only one option for me.
I say probably because I wasn't exactly a hundred percent sure. I was more committed at that time to find out if I was right only, you know, for sure. But if you feel like you are, it's okay. Sick of it. You're just like, enough. I'm so done with alcohol. I'm so done with trying to get a different result from drinking.
If you're done with it, if you're done with the whole routine around drinking, it's become a The center of your evening, the center of your relationships you're sick of buying alcohol. That got to me at the end, like, Oh, this is a waste of money. And I was buying the top shelf stuff.
Like this is just going down my gullet. And then it's leaving me with all the bullshit the next day. Like that was one of those things. Like, I. I think my money can be spent elsewhere in a much better way. This is something that is very personal, especially for midlife women.
It's hard to talk about, even with yourself. It's hard to accept. And it's hard to be honest with yourself sometimes. For today, just reflect on that. Like, how do I know? Am I ready? And if I'm not, I'm going to link the podcast episode that I did. What are you waiting for?
I got a lot of feedback on that because it is a very compassionate question to ask yourself. Let me ease my mind. As we go into 2025, we're just about to click over into February. Like what is February look like for me? What is today look like for me? What is next week look like for me? What do I want right now?
How can I make this work for me to where I can ease up on all the pressure that I'm putting on myself in that I have to be sober every single day of my life. Maybe that doesn't work for you. Go all in on a weekend. Go all in on a few days a week that you are taking off for yourself.
Commit to that and see what plays out. Then celebrate yourself. Dang it. Celebrate yourself. We had a meeting last week inside Team Alcohol Free. Let me just mention, enrollment is opening on Friday, January 31st. If you want to join, it'll be open until Valentine's Day or until it's full and I have limited space right now and I don't say that to scare anybody like you better get in there.
I have 20. That's what I'm going with 20. So it'll either be closed by February 14th, or if I filled the 20, then it'll be closed sooner, but it's open January 31st through February 14th. Anyway, going back to this discussion that we were talking about in the community last week, what was the topic of the meeting oh, stay in your own lane. It was called design and tend to your own lane, stay in your own lane, use other people for inspiration and remind yourself that you're doing alcohol for a year away, which is one of our mottos.
You got to do it your way. You got to honor your timeline and respect yourself at the transition, embracing the transition. That's so much a part of this. You can't speed up a transition. We were talking about inspiration like from others. When you listen to podcasts, you read a book and you're really inspired by stories of other women doing the damn thing.
And I asked them, do you find that inspiration in yourself? Cause I know what it feels like to be embarrassed by not drinking and to feel shameful about my drinking. And I felt more shameful about the fact that I couldn't drink, especially during that first year. I wasn't inspiring myself, but I hear all the time from women, you inspire me.
And then I think, well, okay, inspire yourself. Look at how inspiring you are. Cause we're doing something that is difficult, that is one of those things that other people look up to. And I am going to keep reminding you of that, so the question that came up on the call kind of like, hmm.
Let me think about that. Let me think about, I am the inspiration. And that was one of our mantras. So that was what I was talking about that night. I am my own inspiration. I am doing the damn thing. I am all in. On me. Because I matter way more than any sip of alcohol. Write those mantras down. Keep them with you.
Again, I'm going to be back. throughout the year to remind you of them. This is where we are going in 2025 We're going in with commitment and compassion with ourselves doesn't have to be perfect Let's do less alcohol and more us in 2025 but I'm always going to encourage you to go all in with this commitment Because you deserve it, and it is a very kind and respectful, loving thing that you can do for yourself.
We're also going to remind ourselves of why we're doing this. That's going to be the episode next week. What is the point? What is the point of this? Finding meaning in living alcohol free and showing up for yourself and saying, I had a slip. I had a setback. I'm going to get back on track because I've given myself the commitment and the time to learn better tools for myself to pick myself back up.
And I'm learning how to hold myself more accountable to that reason. Why my why power. I am with you. I am all in on you, my friend, and I appreciate you so much.
I will see you next week I look forward to being with you. If you want to check out team alcohol free, again, the link will be in the show notes, or you can visit lorimassicot.com.
com. I also have a couple of spaces coming open for private coaching, and that's where you can ease into the lifestyle before committing to going all in. And we practice that together for 12 weeks. Go and check out lorimassicot.com. If you want to get a complimentary discovery session to learn more about private coaching with me, go all in on taking care of yourself this week. I'll see you next week, my friend. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
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