What Are You Aware of About Your Relationship With Alcohol
In honor of Alcohol Awareness Month this April, let's take a moment to check in with your relationship with alcohol.
Whether you're curious about an alcohol-free lifestyle, in early sobriety, or embracing long-term sobriety, this episode offers both a reminder and a reflection—a chance to reconnect with your truth about alcohol.
As a recovering "avoider," I share my journey to acceptance after quitting drinking, along with what I've learned with certainty about my relationship with alcohol during my 11 years of sobriety.
I could paint a pretty picture of my drinking when I wanted to, but it wasn’t my truth. Once I stopped drinking, I was able to see the truth about my drinking and “play the tape forward,” which helped me stay alcohol-free.
I talk about the “play it tape forward” strategy for those moments when you find yourself romanticizing alcohol, helping you stay committed to your alcohol-free path.
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If you've ever felt like your relationship with alcohol feels like a relationship, like a person, you are not alone. Today I wanna talk about the awareness of this relationship. No matter if you are a couple of days sober, or if you are 11 years like me, we have to check in with this relationship and be honest with ourselves and.
Be aware of what we know about alcohol and have this honest experience with ourselves. 'cause that's where we build a better relationship with us. And alcohol is not as interesting or needed. And that is the whole purpose of living an alcohol free lifestyle. We are living our lives and alcohol can go take a hike in honor of April being Alcohol Awareness month, I wanna talk about what you are aware of. With your relationship with alcohol, I'm gonna share my awareness. And I've got you. I'm proud of you for being here. I am, Lori Massicot Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. We are here because I stopped drinking at the age of 45 and I started drinking at the age of 14.
And boy, I've completely changed my perspective around alcohol, what I needed it for, what I was using it for, especially towards the end. But there are those reminders that come to me, and I know we are in a warm weather transition right now. We are in the spring of 2025, and I have reminders that bring up, okay, yes, you used to drink, this is the relationship that you had with alcohol.
Mine was my ride or die. It was there for me in good times, in bad times. It was my liquid courage. I could literally lean on it as long as there's alcohol. I'm going to be okay, and that's how I did it for 30 years. You are not alone. If you ever find yourself describing your relationship with alcohol like a lover or best friend, or.
An enemy. I've heard many different descriptions around this, and if you're somebody who says, I've never thought of alcohol as a relationship, that's okay. We can still talk about awareness around drinking patterns and where you are today in your life. Like I said in the beginning, no matter where you are on this road to alcohol freedom, if you've been sober like me long term, it is so important to remind yourself of the truth.
Because when things come up like warmer weather. We get that association, well, I miss alcohol. I'm gonna romanticize my drinking. And then you are really honest with yourself. You play that all the way through both sides, right? And you say, no, that's not romantic at all. My drinking, I. One of the biggest things that stops us from staying alcohol free are the associations and, and painting a pretty picture about our drinking.
So in honor of Alcohol Awareness Month, which started in April of 1987, I wanna talk about what you're aware of with so much honesty and so much love for you, and so much like you are a badass. For being here. Let yourself be honest, no matter where you are, and if you're struggling, you're at the beginning point of this and you're saying, you know, I'm trying to make alcohol work, you're not alone there either.
I tried for two years and the reason that I got to the point where I knew that alcohol didn't work in my life was because I didn't wanna drink less, which I tried to do. I didn't wanna drink more either way. Didn't make me feel good. I felt bad about myself. I felt disappointed in breaking those moderation rules.
My goodness, I broke them left and right. I didn't wanna drink like that. I knew that drinking more wasn't working for me. When I got down to it in 2013, August 11th, 2013, the night I quit drinking was, you've had enough. You really don't need anymore. I knew that about myself for sure. I was fully aware of that.
I think you're gonna have to take it off the table completely. 'cause the trying to moderate, it's just making it worse. I felt more deprived. I was very aware at that point that alcohol was no longer an option for me. It didn't make me feel good either way. Drinking less, drinking more. I couldn't find a balance.
If it was on the table, I would be thinking about it because that's what I did. It was the center of a lot of my activities, my relationships, and who I thought I was. My identity as a party girl. Built in 1982 was still there in 2013 at 45. So thought, well, who will I be if I give up alcohol, my ride or die?
This relationship that I have spent a lot of time and effort in building, I was very scared to let it go because I was letting go a part of me and there wasn't an acceptance around forever or anything like that. Like I am going to be a sober woman. There was an acceptance around, I don't want less, I don't want more, and I think that zero is going to have to be my only option.
So I went all in. I committed. We have to make sure that we are pointing out the fact that we are aware of something. You would not be listening to this podcast episode right now if you were not aware of something with your relationship with alcohol. So I know that you're aware and. Congratulations, self-awareness.
Gotta start there. All of the. Beautiful, strong, intelligent women in the world who can do a good job at like painting that pretty picture, but also avoiding things that are really hard to look at. I'm raising my hand to that for sure. I wanted to avoid things that were hard, scary, and anything that was going to make such a huge change in my life, even though I love a good change, I love a good challenge.
I'm all in on this kind of stuff, but with the alcohol, it was too scary. So it starts with that self-awareness and that honest truth with yourself. I couldn't avoid things in my life that, of course, in my twenties and even in my thirties, for the most part, were easier to tolerate. Like I couldn't avoid the fact that my drinking wound up with a two or three day hangover.
I couldn't avoid that anymore. I was very aware of that. I was very aware that outta seven days, I probably had maybe four that were okay and. Maybe even three that were okay. And that was not acceptable to me. I couldn't accept the fact though that it was alcohol in the beginning. I wanted to blame it on perimenopause, getting older.
I needed to join a gym, I needed to eat better. I needed to, all the things except give up alcohol. And again, that was a two year period where I went back and forth. I took two 30 day breaks and I saw the other side of those breaks and I thought, okay, well. I was going back to drinking. That was my final plan.
I didn't have a plan after that 30 day break except for go back to drinking, but I saw the other side of it and I was able to recognize and accept that I did feel better. I wasn't hungover. On Monday mornings. The Monday mornings for me were very dreadful. It was very, very hard to do anything on Monday because I drank so much on Sunday and over the weekend.
I was really aware of that in the beginning. I really did just accept the fact that I don't feel great when I drink alcohol. I. The three days of feeling okay during the week, that's just not acceptable to me. I don't have to accept that this is going to be forever, because I was very hung up on that like if I give up alcohol, I'm going to be forever sober, and that just doesn't even seem like a doable plan during that first year of sobriety.
There was lots of trying to go back. There was lots of trying to justify and to say, you know, I've taken a break. Maybe I can have just one. Maybe I can have a couple. And I had to go back and to paint that real clear picture, not the pretty one that I wanted to put bows on and like doll up, like, it's gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay. I would just stop myself and go, you know the truth. It's just not, it's not okay. It's not pretty, it's not cute at 45. To be hung over for three days and to only have a few days out of the week where you actually feel halfway decent. It's not pretty to drink yourself into a place where you don't remember things and you are sad and crying and you don't even know why my drinking doesn't have to be like yours.
I'm sharing this with you so you can get clear on your true story and what that is for you and that relationship for yourself. And again, if you don't think of it as a relationship, that's okay. The patterns that we create, and once you give up alcohol, one of the hardest things that we have to do is part of the work is remind ourselves.
And to be honest, and especially when we're trying to doll up that relationship with alcohol, it's just like, how cool is it? You stop and you go, excuse me, miss. That's not your truth. Calling yourself out on your own bs. That's where that personal accountability comes from. Most of us think we need accountability from outside sources.
The personal accountability, that's freedom. I wanna go back to that first. Part of looking at it, looking at the relationship. If you're in it right now and you're in the relationship, it's hard to decipher. You know, do I wanna let this relationship go? Can I make it work? It's tough. That's why I always say, you know, commit.
Give yourself some time away from it because then you'll see a different perspective. And if you're feeling like I'm disappointed in myself 'cause I'm breaking all the rules, that's alcohol. That's not you. You gotta give yourself an opportunity to see what you can do. Because if alcohol's in the picture for me, I can't do a lot.
I, I really can't, I don't step up for myself if alcohol's in the picture. So be aware of where you are today. Be aware also why you are here. Your why power. Why power over willpower, for sure. Like add the meaning to it. Why am I here? Why does this matter to me? I wanna always shine a light on that topic because if midlife women don't find meaning in something and they don't make.
The other side of alcohol, the really pretty picture. I'm gonna romanticize the relationship with myself and my alcohol-free lifestyle. We're gonna give it all up to alcohol and what we are leaving behind. What are you building? Why are you here? Add the meaning behind it. How do you wanna feel? And man, I hope that you wanna feel.
Pride in yourself. I hope that you want to change the story of I can't do this into, I can do this. Look at me. Go. I am a fricking badass 'cause I am. And change that around. So awareness of where you are with your relationship with alcohol, no matter where you are. What did that look like? Or what does it look like today?
Why are you doing this? Get clear on that. And then also just that acceptance piece. What are you accepting about that relationship with alcohol? And if you are in that place where you are struggling and you are working hard to make alcohol work, offer yourself a little bit of acceptance around just giving yourself that break.
Because you know, I've gotta accept the fact that I can't figure it out while I'm drinking. So let me give myself a break away from alcohol and see what comes up, even if this is your hundredth break. You're in a different season of life right now. Things are different for you today than the last time you took a break.
Consider giving yourself a little bit of grace right now and to change up any old stories that are holding you back from taking another break. And when you catch yourself in that place of, it's a beautiful spring day when a big glass of alcohol sound really nice right now, you honor that relationship.
It was there. You know your truth around it. Only you know your truth. You can't lean on anybody else for this. 'cause if I got feedback from my friends and family when I stopped drinking, it would've been like, you're okay. You can still drink. Even my husband. It wasn't until 90 days in where my husband's like changed his tune a little bit.
'cause we saw the difference. But when you're romanticizing that relationship with alcoholic, give yourself a hug too and be really kind to yourself and talk to yourself like you would a friend that you care about, that you know their truth. Like that's not true for you. It's okay. That relationship is hard to break up with.
I also wanna point out the fact that most women feel that there is a grieving process to this. I did for sure. I felt sad. I felt sad. Not as much for alcohol. I felt sad for me as a drinker, me as the party girl, I. I mourned her for sure, and I still feel sad when I look at a photo of her. I, I just said this on a podcast not that long ago, and we feel frustration and we feel anger and maybe some resentment towards those normal drinkers of the world.
I. But we know our truth. We know this relationship with alcohol doesn't really have a place in my future. What about you? I accept that for myself, it would be unacceptable in my future for me because I wanna go and do things that I just cannot do when I'm drinking. The very basic things. Be in a better mood, have better energy.
Record a podcast episode. This is a Monday. I wouldn't be here on a Monday if I was drinking all weekend. Point out the things that you're adding in your life and always practice so much self-compassion when it comes to the truth. The truth is hard. Oh goodness. What do they say? The truth will set you free.
It's true. It's true. As a recovering avoider and somebody who still avoids the hard stuff in life. I have to remind myself, I always feel better when I am truthful with myself and when I actually look at the thing that I'm trying to avoid. 'cause it's not gonna go away. My relationship with alcohol will be here until the end of my life.
I know what it is front and back now. I have built this relationship with myself that I never thought that I would have, and it's not like. Perfect. It's different. It's better. It is definitely one where I feel like I've got my own damn back. For sure. It's never too late to do the hard shit in life and be proud of yourself and give yourself a big old Attagirl for paying attention to this relationship with alcohol and coaching yourself through the moments where you wanna get out those paint brushes and you wanna start painting that pretty picture of me and alcohol and me and alcohol on the patio and me and alcohol in the restaurant, and all of these things.
Only you know your truth, and if that's not your truth, it's not mine either, but dammit, I tried to paint that picture and I still get those glimpses. I really do, especially when the warm weather comes out and then I get that glimpse of me that night. When I stop drinking, I just say thank you. Thank you for doing that for yourself.
Thank you for being aware of your relationship with alcohol and the acceptance that you had that night. 'cause you were able to, with that acceptance, carry yourself to where you are today. I know that's where we all get to be. And if you're not there yet, you're working your way there. And oh boy, take some time today to be thankful for yourself.
Goodness. Give yourself so much gratitude for the work that you're doing. April is about alcohol awareness. It is about raising awareness to the public. The reason that I am here and will continue to be here, is to reduce that. Feeling of stigma and shame. I mean, it exists. I'm, I'm not like one woman crusade trying to take this down.
I'm just over here in my own corner talking to midlife women who deserve better than alcohol and who want better than alcohol. And to let you know that there is another choice, and it's the alcohol free choice, and there is another option for you. It's definitely a great time in the world and in midlife to go alcohol free.
Stay alcohol free. And that stigma is changing and you're a trailblazer. You're here and you are part of the change, and I'm happy to be here with you. Thank you for being here today. If you're interested in community working with me, please check out Team Alcohol Free. My wonderful community, I love them so much.
We were just on a call this morning talking about going into April, and our theme is Me first. Gosh, I'm so fired up to talk about this theme. There's such a challenge with prioritizing ourselves. And making time for ourselves and self-care. I mean, we're covering all of it. Boundaries, and then we're gonna talk about taking this time and this energy that we have and midlife and creating this next chapter and dreaming bigger.
I'm all for it this month. I do feel like there is a fresh start, energy happening, and I think it's spring for sure. And just, you know, coming off the first of the year and going into quarter two, I'm really excited for where I'm going. You could check out everything in the links in the show notes or at lorimassicot.com.
Thank you so much for being here. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
I’m with you.
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