Listen to Help You Play the Tape Forward
If you’re a woman in midlife working on living alcohol-free, this episode is for you.
“Playing the tape forward” is a favorite practice of many women who are working on living an alcohol-free lifestyle. One of the biggest challenges is the thoughts and ideas about drinking - the “drinking chatter” as I like to call it.
What “playing the tape forward” means:
It’s about being honest with yourself about your drinking. Visualizing what happens after the first sip of alcohol (which I walk you through in this episode) to the last, to help you get clear on what plays out for you. I help you get clear on what happens if you drink versus if you don’t.
Whether you drink occasionally or daily, this practice helps you see the real outcome of taking that first sip.
I share my story, including journal entries from when I stopped drinking in 2013. I was tired of being tired, tired of feeling down on myself, and I needed distance from alcohol. I learned that that first sip always pulls me right back in, like an old “jerky boyfriend” who’s bad for me but tempting.
Here are some tips to help you use this practice:
When the urge hits, pause and honestly ask yourself: What happens after the first sip? Then what? Play out the whole scene in your mind.
Journal your thoughts and feelings. Writing down my truth helped me stay connected to why I chose alcohol-free living.
If you catch yourself romanticizing drinking, remind yourself how you felt afterward, physically and emotionally.
Replace drinking urges with something supportive: a walk, a call, a snack, or whatever helps you feel better.
If you drink when you don’t want to, be kind to yourself. You don’t need more pressure—you need love and support.
I know how difficult it is to work through the chatter, but you can do it. I’m with you!
Bookmark this page to come back to whenever you need a reminder of why you want to stay alcohol-free.
Resources Mentioned:
-
Hello there, I am Lori. Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. This is a podcast for women in midlife and beyond who are working on living an alcohol-free lifestyle. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. This is an episode where I want to talk to you about playing the tape forward, and what that means is being really honest with yourself about the reality of your drinking, especially if you are living an alcohol-free lifestyle and you're in that place where maybe the drinking chatter is starting to come up—the negotiations, the romanticism about drinking alcohol—and you're telling yourself another story that's not really a reality.
This could be if you drink occasionally to if you are more of a daily drinker. This is a favorite practice among midlife women and beyond, including myself. And the most beneficial part of this practice is to build this better, stronger, more trustworthy relationship with yourself, where you are not bullshitting yourself anymore. You're not avoiding the truth, you're paying attention to it. You're learning how to accept it, and you're learning how to move forward by playing it forward and playing out the story. And man, I don't know what is more freeing than actually keeping your word to yourself. So this is for you if you want to live an alcohol-free lifestyle.
If you are working on it, if this is your ultimate desire, you're tired of drinking alcohol, maybe you're where I was when I was 45. I was just so tired of being tired. I was so tired of being down on myself. I needed distance away from alcohol and I stopped drinking in 2013. I still do. I don't want it close to me because when it's close to me and if I took just one sip of it, I know that it would be right back. I just got this visual—it's out in the distance. It's like far, far, far out into a big field.
And then I take one sip and then it's like, it's right there. It's like, hello friend. How are you? So I don't take the first sip. When I was in my early days of sobriety, I was writing about how much I didn't want to drink anymore and how difficult it was.
I'm going to share a few of my journal entries with you today because I think it'll be helpful. I think it's relevant for this. Use this episode and bookmark it to come back to, if you're in that place where you're just thinking, you know what, it could be—I deserve one. I would like to have one. I think I can just have one. I think I can do it without going back to where I was when I started this, or you're in a place of just romanticizing the truth about your drinking. Maybe it wasn't that bad. Because whenever we give ourselves distance, it's like the rose-colored glasses come back on.
Like, I don't know, maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe I really didn't need to quit drinking. I said that to myself and to my husband often, like, maybe I didn't have a problem because now I don't drink, right? Well, that's one of the most common misconceptions about living an alcohol-free lifestyle. For those of us who know that first sip will take us back to maybe one glass the first time, but then it's going to be reintroduced into our lives and I don't kid myself about it. And you don't have to relate to my story. I want you to check in with yourself always, because we're all so different. Check in with yourself and just say, okay, if I take that first sip, then what? I take a second sip. Then what? Okay, I finished the first glass. Then what? Well, I could sure tell myself, and I did this for a couple of years before I stopped drinking, you can't have more than one glass, but I wanted more than one glass, so I was in charge of moderating my drinking. I was in charge of pressuring myself not to drink how I wanted to drink, and I knew when I got to the end of my drinking, that's not how I wanted to drink. I didn't necessarily want to quit. I did not want to quit.
I wanted to make it work, but me trying to make it work wasn't working because that's not how I wanted to drink. How many times can I say that? So you got to check in with yourself. What happens after that first step? And then if you had the one glass, okay, let's say you had the one glass. I'm not doubting that you can have contentment with that and be happy. I'm not doubting that at all. But what happens in a week, is that coming back in? Is the focus going there? And when I say there, that's how it would be for me. I know that if it was reintroduced today, after all these years of my old friend, my old ride or die not being in my life, I would say, okay, alright.
Maybe not the first time, but boy, the thought would be there. I know for a fact, and especially if I had the one glass, because I would say, well, you just had one glass. You did good. You stuck with it. And then I could justify it the next day. I didn't feel that bad. I wasn't that hungover. I did what I needed to do, but there was always a but for me, but... You didn't sleep that great. You still felt foggy the next day. Also, there would be the fact for me now I know for sure is you broke your word to yourself. You didn't stay true to what you wanted. You didn't stay true to why you were doing this, your why power, and you went back to something that for you was the solution for 30 years. And for you it's dangerous. It's a dangerous relationship to be in. It's like an old boyfriend, you know? I remember having old boyfriends that were so jerky and I loved them at the same time, and this is way before I met my husband at 29, I would date some creeps.
They were so bad for me and I would keep going back, and I look at that with alcohol. It's definitely like some of those jerky boyfriends, like, I know you're not good for me, but you make me feel good for a short amount of time.
You offer a solution to me at some point, and alcohol was a solution for me for many, many decades. After I stopped drinking, I realized, well, I've got to become that solution. I have to step into that role. I have to talk myself out of it. If I'm in that moment of saying you can have just one, or maybe you've had enough time away from it, it's okay now.
And giving myself permission, I had to say bullshit. That is something that was very new to me and the only thing that helped me is to remind myself of my truth. Back in 2013, I didn't know of the term playing the tape forward. Now it's talked about, so if you've never heard it before, that's okay—it's a great visualization. If you could really look at pushing play on a movie, like let's do this together, okay? Because I like a good visual. If I'm sitting down on my couch and I'm putting on a movie and I'm pushing play and I'm the main character in this story and I'm looking at this story,
do you ever do this when you're watching TV and you're watching somebody and you're like, oh, come on. You could do better. You can make a different choice. Come on. Don't do that. Do this. If I was watching myself on the movie screen before I stopped drinking and playing that forward and how that played out, it was the same shit.
Even when I was drinking less, I didn't feel good about myself. It was just the same movie on repeat, over and over and over again. So then we stop that movie and like, let's put in a different movie. Okay, let's watch something like really uplifting and empowering and good. In this story we're a little bit of the underdog, and she's coming back. We always like a good comeback story, right? I push play on that story and I realize, okay, you're in that moment where you can make that better choice for yourself, and I'm rooting for you on my couch. Like, come on, you can do it. And then you make that better choice.
You go, Nope, I am not choosing alcohol. I'm choosing myself and I am going to play the tape forward. I am not making that choice again because I know how that plays out. I want to find out what happens next when I choose myself. Then the story continues on, and then maybe we get into a montage, right? It's like, okay, what happens next? What do you do for yourself when you're playing the tape forward? And you can pause and you can remind yourself of your truth.
Check in with yourself. What do you need right now? Give yourself a hug. What else do you need? Maybe you need some water. What else do you need? And just go with the first thing that comes up. You are the solution. You're the main character always. Either way, don't let alcohol blur that out for you, because it's just a filter.
It's a bullshit filter that we want to put on our truth, just for now, and then we're going to go back to it, right? No, just for now, let's be here, you and I, and check in with yourself in a really loving and kind way. What do you need right now? What I need? To clean my house, I know that I need to clean, because that always helps me feel better.
So asking yourself, what do you need and why? Why—what would that do for you right now? Then I know I'm going to need a snack, because if I don't snack, I get hangry and then I end up overeating. What else do I need today? I just need to be with my family. I need to feel loved and supported, and I need to relax and I need to give myself a break.
Because I've got a long list of to-dos. I've got stress and pressure I put on myself, and I need to give myself a break. And when you do that, when you have a conversation with yourself, you do step into being the solution. Alcohol is not going to do any of that for me.
You know what alcohol would do? Let's look at that. If I drank alcohol, I wouldn't want to clean my house. I would sit on the couch for sure. If I was drinking alcohol, I wouldn't be eating because I was very strategic with my eating, so I wouldn't be eating at all. I'd save that for later. I wouldn't be resting, I wouldn't be enjoying my family. If I was drinking alcohol, I would be completely checked out. I would numb out and escape my to-do list, my responsibilities, the stress and the anxiety.
But if I was drinking alcohol, then tonight I wouldn't sleep. And then tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and go, oh, the old narrative is back. Why'd you do it? You didn't want to do it. You've been doing so good, why did you do it? And then all day I would be in just the low vibe and man, alcohol knocks our self-esteem down to where when you're coming off of it, no matter how much you drank or didn't drink, you realize I don't have the energy like I normally do when I'm not drinking.
I don't feel that good about myself. And then I would make poor choices. I wouldn't be out there cleaning my garage like I was this morning. I wouldn't have gone to Trader Joe's like I did this morning. I wouldn't have gone on a 45-minute walk like I did this morning.
None of that would have happened, and it's 10:40 in the morning. None of it would have happened. I play the tape forward in a really honest way with myself that because I stopped drinking, I've been able to have that honest connection. I keep my word to myself in other areas of my life because I stopped drinking and I learned how to be honest.
Because I was the queen of avoidance when it came to the hard stuff and doing the hard stuff. I didn't want what alcohol was offering me and my drinking, and I knew even if I tried to drink less, I wouldn't want that either.
When I stopped drinking, I accepted that truth, and then the rest of my truth came later. What I wrote in my journal—that first journal that I started keeping, I'm going to read you a couple of the entries from that—is my truth.
I don't think that I'm ever going to forget my truth, but just in case, because none of us are immune to this. If I ever decide maybe I want to go back to drinking, I hope, I hope my future self will pull this journal out and read my truth and not kid herself into thinking, oh, you've had all this time away from alcohol, you're going to be okay.
I know that I won't, and I know that it'll only take one sip and I'll be right back to it. Let me just tell you about this journal. I've talked about it before on the podcast because I do believe that it is such a great resource and one of the challenges with some of the women that I work with is the blank page.
Starting a new journal. Then also the challenge of, well, I don't want to write down too much, because if somebody finds it, you can get a journal with a lock on it, with actually a combination that only you know. You can get those on Amazon.
I'll try to find one and link it here.
I get the fear of somebody finding it. So keep it somewhere safe and consider doing something like that with a combo lock. The purpose of journaling for me, why it helps so much, is because if I keep things in, I know that I get extra stressed and anxious.
So journaling helps me release, and then it also helps me document, which is so cool because I'm never going to remember half the stuff that I do in my life. So I want to make sure that I'm writing about just the mundane things that I do. When I sit down now, especially, I write about literally like what I'm wearing right now, what I'm eating right now, what I'm doing, who's with me, that type of thing.
And it's just fun to go back and look at. But in this journal, I started May 18th, 2013. I wanted to track my perimenopause symptoms and I went to Walmart to get this journal. The journal says, "please don't take my sunshine away," because I was in the dumps of perimenopause. I didn't have an easy time with it. And then on the inside I put a lovely peace sticker. Hmm. Now I know where I got that. On day one I want to just read to you what the purpose of this journal is.
So if you're starting a new journal, I think it's a great idea to write it down. And this could be just for my truth about my drinking. Playing the tape forward. It's a lovely journal just for me and my truth. Just an idea. So day one, May 18th, 2013, my wish for this journal: to document how I feel, to work through the tough times, to look back on the good times, to help myself and my family have a happy life, to be honest with myself, to trust myself.
Do always. Then because I was tracking my perimenopause, I'll just tell you today, I feel pretty good. Took a nap and had a moderate headache most of the day. I took one Excedrin and two Aleve. Hmm. Going to bed early, going to Disneyland tomorrow. Oh, that's cool. Some of it is so sad because I was just feeling so yucky and flipping through it right now.
I wrote on August 12th, the day after I stopped drinking: Last drink. Have not kept up on this journal, so I wasn't writing in it consistently. The last time I wrote was July 23rd. Today is Monday. Please stop drinking and eating so much. Extremely tired, still no period, cramps, etc.
Start fresh today. After I stopped drinking, I was journaling pretty consistently. And I would write notes to myself that literally said, note to self.
Always remember this on the front. And I have about eight of those. The first one that I wrote, I just want to read to you. It says, always remember you feel no regret when you don't buy or drink alcohol. Don't do it. So in playing the tape forward, I will look at this and go, okay. When you wake up in the morning after not drinking, you never regret not drinking, that's for sure.
If you wake up in the morning and you did drink, you regret it, you're mean to yourself all day. And when I don't drink, I wake up, I'm nicer to myself, then I go to the gym, I exercise, I do things around the house with energy. I'm in a better mood. I also wrote chicken scratch. I would rather, and my eyes.
Good Lord. I would rather be proud of myself than buzzed and hungover. Be consistent. It's so funny to look back on this now because I was never consistent with anything and realize, yes, you were really cheering yourself on. That's cool. Then for the actual reflection was remember how you felt all day on Sundays.
Please do not drink. Put the money away and stop wasting it. Please be strong. Be tough. Be smart. Don't waste any more of your days hungover. You are better than this. Spencer deserves a better life. Spencer is my son. One more. Let me just choose one from here and see what date it is.
Okay, let me read this one: October 1st. So this would have been right around the wine tasting trip I took, because my sister turned 50 on October 2nd, and I didn't write about that. So maybe we hadn't gone yet. I've talked about this before. I was a designated driver in this wine tasting trip, and at that time, eight weeks in, I was very shaky and I should never have done that, but I did it.
So this note is October 1st and it says: Truth. Always remember, note to self, almost eight weeks since my last drink. It is hard, but I know I will never drink again. I am ashamed that I have done it for this long. I feel better. It is like a cloud was lifted. Always remember this. I'm looking forward to this new phase in my life, even though I am uncertain of what that is.
I am happier now than I have been in years. Yay me. That was the first time I wrote "Yay Me" with a big smiley face, and that was at eight weeks. So this journal was very helpful for me. And if journaling is not your thing, you don't even have to call it journaling. Maybe that's where the challenge is.
Check in with yourself on that
and yeah, it's challenging. It can also be really freeing because it's honest. It's fun also to get journals and pens and you can even get some kind of stickers. Make it a little project for yourself. If you are in that place of going back and forth, you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel of this road to alcohol freedom. I want to always encourage you to talk to somebody, whether it's in your family or somebody that you can talk to about getting support and getting some help.
Because there are so many options in 2025, you do not have to do this alone. It makes it so much more difficult, and I know because I did it. That's why I come to you and however I can help, I want to help you. So if this could be a practice for you, playing the tape forward, being honest with yourself and reminding yourself, I am the solution.
Alcohol is not. I know how that is going to play out. And that's not what I want for myself anymore. If you're listening to this and you've drank recently and you didn't want to, give yourself a break. You don't need any more pressure. You don't need that.
What you probably need more of is love from yourself, is knowing that you're human and alcohol—man, it gets in there and takes you over. You think about it more when it's closer to you. Give yourself more distance from alcohol because during this time you'll build more confidence in yourself and your choice not to drink. You'll build more trust and you'll have that, "I've got my back."
I don't need alcohol to have my back anymore. That's when you get to that place where, oh, I'm not only seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm feeling it, I'm experiencing it, and if you ever doubt that you're worth it, you're worth the time that it takes and the patience that it takes.
I hope that you will check in with yourself, say out loud, I am worth this. I am worth it. You are always worth another day alcohol-free.
And choosing yourself, you're always worth that. I love you so much. Thank you so much for listening to this. If this episode helped you, please consider leaving a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. Wherever you're listening, it helps me get the podcast out for other midlife women to experience, I'm always so appreciative of your kind reviews.
If you're looking for coaching, I do have one space open right now. Private coaching, I'm doing six-week packages or 12-week packages. You can check that out in the show notes. If you want to have a community of midlife women who support you and get you and have your back while you're working on this transition to an alcohol-free lifestyle, check out Team Alcohol-Free.
We have so many fun things coming up and it's a wonderful time to be in this place in life where we can all feel comfort in knowing that we are not alone. And I find so much comfort and inspiration there and I will continue to do this work because I know that it is needed.
If you need me, reach out. I am so with you. I will see you very soon, my friend. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
I’m with you.
Did you enjoy the episode?
If you found this episode helpful, I’d love it if you’d take a minute to leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
Your review is greatly appreciated and helps another woman who is searching for support in living alcohol-free later in life.
Make sure to follow along on Apple and Spotify so you can listen to new episodes coming your way.
Thank you! ✌🏻
.
Another way to share support for me and the podcast.