Everyday Self-Care to Support Your Alcohol-Free Lifestyle
#328
Do you have a consistent self-care practice? If you said no, chances are there is one thing you are doing for yourself that you may not identify as self-care.
By the end of this episode, you’ll have a new definition of self-care, ideas for recognizing what you’re already doing, and steps to create a more consistent self-care practice that supports you living alcohol-free.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care is any intentional action that supports your overall wellbeing—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or social. It’s about the things you do, big or small, that help you feel better and feel nurtured by you!
Think of self-care as making a choice, every day, to support yourself. That might mean making your bed, enjoying your morning coffee in peace, or simply pausing to check in with how you’re feeling. The key is that it’s intentional—something you do on purpose because you matter.
How My Self-Care Has Changed Since I Stopped Drinking
When I stopped drinking, I realized how much time I had on my hands and how much I needed to focus on self-care. Back then, I thought self-care was getting my hair done or relaxing with a glass of wine. Now, my self-care looks like:
Morning walks: Moving my body helps me get centered, reduces anxiety, and works out any stiffness.
Self-reflection: Journaling and quiet time in the morning set the tone for my day.
Taking time for myself: I cherish the moments when I can close the bathroom door, put on my serums and lotions, and just be with myself.
Listening to something uplifting: Whether it’s a favorite podcast or music, this is time I set aside just for me.
Self-care is so much more than what I used to believe. It’s about honoring my values, protecting my peace and energy, and making time for what matters to me.
Common Challenges Women Face with Self-Care
If you’re in midlife and struggling with self-care, you’re not alone. Here are some of the most common challenges I hear:
Not knowing how to do it: Many women tell me, “I don’t have a self-care practice,” or “I know I should, but I don’t know where to start.”
Feeling like it’s selfish or indulgent: There’s a belief that other things should come first, or that taking time for yourself is a luxury.
Not recognizing what you’re already doing: You might not call out the things you do for yourself as self-care, but they count!
Time: “I don’t have enough time” is one of the biggest barriers. But even ten minutes, three times a day, can make a difference.
Old beliefs: Many of us grew up thinking alcohol equals self-care. Shifting that mindset to see sobriety as self-care can take practice.
Just as we think that self-care = drinking alcohol, we can come to believe sobriety = self-care.
How to Take Care of Yourself During Triggers and Urges to Drink
When those urges hit, it’s not about perfection—it's about having a plan to take care of yourself in the moment. Here’s what helps me and the women I work with:
Pause and notice the urge. Remind yourself it will pass. You don’t have to act on it.
Call out your self-care: Each time you do something for yourself, big or small, say out loud or in your mind: “This is me taking care of me.”
Replace the ritual: If you usually reach for a drink, try a walk, a shower, a call with a friend, or make a cup of tea instead.
Check in with yourself: Ask, “What do I really need right now?” Maybe it’s comfort, connection, rest, or movement.
Plan ahead: If you know certain times of day are tough, schedule a self-care activity or supportive call during those windows.
Give yourself grace: Triggers are normal. Every time you choose self-care over a drink, you’re building a new habit.
Practical Ways to Get Started with More Consistent Self-Care
Redefine self-care: Notice the small, intentional things you’re already doing for yourself. Making your bed, taking a walk, or enjoying your coffee in peace all count.
Start small and be consistent: Even 10 minutes in the morning, midday, and evening can make a difference. It’s about showing up for yourself regularly, not perfectly.
Challenge old beliefs: If self-care feels indulgent or selfish, feel the resistance or awkwardness and do it anyway. You’ll be glad you did!
Plan around your triggers: Notice when you’re most tempted to drink and schedule self-care for those times.
Personalize your practices: What works for me may not work for you. Find self-care practices that you enjoy - think outside of the “bubble bath” box by paying attention to how you feel.
Call Out Your Self-Care
You are already doing more for yourself than you think. Every time you do something for yourself, call it out:
“This is me taking care of me.”
Calling out what you’re doing for you is you saying, I matter, and everything else can wait.
I’m with you!
If you would like to reach out and share your favorite self-care practices with me, please send me an email at: hellolori@lorimassicot.com.
-
Hey there. Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. I am Lori. I'm your host and I am so happy that you are here. If you're new to the podcast, come on in, my new friend. This is where we talk about living an alcohol-free lifestyle later in life. We're turning back to the podcast. Thank you so much for being back here.
We are here together to talk about everyday self-care for your alcohol-free lifestyle. And I want to start with this: The choice to live an alcohol-free lifestyle in this world today is such a caring act. I know you're doing it for a reason. I know that you are following your heart. I know that it's not always easy, and I also know that you deserve lots of self-care because if you're like me, you may feel like you're really taking something away. And that's a valid feeling when you remove alcohol from your life. And so what I say is let's add self-care to it and pour that all over yourself so you are not missing out, you're actually looking forward to your daily practices.
The purpose of this episode is because I have heard from so many women over the course of the past seven plus years. When I go to work with them, I ask a question: walk me through your daily routines. What do you enjoy doing for self-care? And I hear back from a lot of women, "I don't have a self-care practice. I know I should. I know I need to. I know I have to. There's not really anything that I do for myself." So let's start fresh today. Let's be newbies with self-care, even if you already have a self-care routine.
And check in with yourself today and let's normalize not knowing something and normalize things that you may not consider self-care—you’re already doing them and calling them out. What is self-care? Self-care is any intentional action that supports your overall wellbeing—your physical, your mental, your emotional, spiritual, social health. And the key word there is intentional.
And so this is something, like I just said, that you may not even recognize in your day. You are doing things that are very caring for yourself, but you're not recognizing it because you're not calling it out. By the end of this episode, you're going to walk away with a challenge, and that is to call out: "This is me taking care of me. This is my time for myself." Because when we do that, we prioritize ourselves. We immediately say, "I matter. This is my time. Everything else can wait."
And I have a wonderful resource called the Daily Sobriety Toolkit. If you have not downloaded it, go ahead and grab it. It is in the show notes that walks you through three check-ins each day—morning, midday, and evening. There are worksheets inside. There are self-care suggestions inside, and there are audios that will walk you through those checking-in points.
I call them the shifts: the morning shift, the afternoon shift, and the evening shift. So if you need a little extra help there, go ahead and download the toolkit.
The practices that you have are not about perfection, not about making it this big, huge thing that you have to do every single day. It's about making progress, practicing finding things that you enjoy because my self-care may not be your self-care, but I'm going to give you some suggestions today, and it feels like you're really honoring your values. It feels like you're taking care of your time and your peace and your energy, and you're protecting yourself. It could be really simple practices, and because you're taking care of yourself throughout the day, at the end of the day, you just feel like, "I'm okay."
Self-care is more about consistency. So it's not, "I take a walk when I feel like it," it's every single day I get up and I take a walk because—and then backing it up with a reason why—because that helps me get centered for the day. It reduces anxiety and it also helps work through any stiffness. And I'm talking about me in particular right now because I just took a 45-minute walk because I have to get out and move my body in the morning to get centered for anxiety. And then also, it's like my oil can on the old stiffness and it perks me up.
Right now, when I got back, I took a full shower, did all of the things. I'm sitting here right now in my hair turban and letting all of my serums and lotions and castor oil marinate on my skin. So then after I'm done recording this episode, I'm going to go ahead and put on my face for the day because I got lots of calls today. So I have already knocked out these things that I have done for myself. At 7:46 in the morning, I've already knocked out my movement. I've knocked out self-reflection, which are my favorite things that I love to do, and then I've knocked out really taking that time. I shut the door. No dog inside the bathroom. No husband walking around. I'm in there by myself. That's my time for myself, and I cherish it. And then I also listened to Amy Poehler's new podcast episode. That was what I did for myself today.
Now let me share a little bit of a story with you. When I stopped drinking in 2013, if somebody would have asked me, "What do you do for self-care?" I would have said, "Huh?" I get my hair done. I do consider that self-care back then—not anymore. I don't enjoy it. I don't really do it anymore. What I really considered self-care back then was sitting on the couch drinking my wine. That was the way that I could relax. I would drink a glass or a bottle or two. It would be wine and champagne. There was a mixture.
And when I stopped drinking, I realized, number one, I had a lot of time on my hands. And number two, I wasn't focusing on self-care. I was focusing on doing whatever it takes to not drink. But what I was doing in hindsight was, yes, going to the gym, moving my body, reflecting in my journal. But back then, I don't know if it's just me. You know, there was not like social media. I didn't know a podcast. I didn't know of things like this back then when I did it. But I don't know if I was hearing the term self-care as much as I hear it today.
And so getting clear on self-care and what it is, and going back to really the definition—it's intentional action that supports your overall wellbeing—and in living alcohol-free, it's essential because we are at this place, especially in midlife and beyond. We give up alcohol and maybe you've only been drinking for a year, it doesn't matter. It's like, this is what I do to practice self-care. It's valid.
I'm not the only one. I know that feels like that. So self-care comes in and replaces alcohol in the role. It replaces it as a coping mechanism. It can build your confidence. It can build self-worth, resilience. It can build excitement because I get so excited for my self-care practices. And it can build that reinforcement that you deserve. I matter. Alcohol cannot solve anything for me. I matter, and I can do it by pulling out some of my favorite self-care practices and using them every single day.
Because I want to be consistent with it, because we're being proactive towards our motivators to drink, our triggers before they arise. So we know that, hey, if I'm stressed at the end of the day, what I do when I get home is I unwind by either taking a walk, talking it out with somebody, enjoying one of my favorite meals of the day.
If you're practicing consistent self-care, then we sleep better. We manage our stress better. We know how to naturally provide for ourselves rather than pouring alcohol over it. And the common challenges that I hear with self-care are: I don't have enough time. It feels indulgent, selfish. There's other things that have to come first. I don't know how to do it, which is the purpose of this podcast episode.
If I can't do it every single day, then why bother? If it's not perfect, then I check out. There are so many messages that we get as women in the middle of life that we grew up with. I don't remember my mom, sweet Carol Jean, talking about self-care, but I did see her exercising. That's when I got into Jane Fonda. She put that leotard on and not Jane Fonda, her too, but my mom. Those are the workouts that she was doing. I know that was part of her routine when I was younger.
And then as she got older, because she didn't start drinking until her forties, and when she got older and towards the end of her life—she passed at 72—I know that when Ellen came on in the afternoon, she enjoyed having her wine. And that was something that I knew of, and at the same time, I was still drinking at the time. So, you know, we never really had a conversation around alcohol.
I can look at that now and definitely say, well, that was her taking care of herself, but I wasn't having those conversations with my mom or anybody else back when I was younger about self-care and really managing your mental health. Boy, would that have been helpful! Boy, when I was 14 years old, you can do other things besides drink alcohol and eat food. Like there are other ways.
But in my experience, starting drinking at 14, quitting drinking at 45, I had 30 years where I was going through the motions, checking out, numbing out, and practicing inconsistent self-care, and also really looking at self-care as, yes, it's bubble bath, it's nail appointments, hair appointments, all of that. I'm all for that kind of stuff. I do think that's part of it. That's not all of it, and especially as we get older because there's so much more meaning behind it.
My self-care today is not at all what I would have thought it was back in 2013. And like I started this episode with the choice to follow my heart, even though I was so uncertain and scared about giving up alcohol, that to me was such a caring act. I wish I would have noticed that and highlighted that more. It wasn't until two years into my sobriety when I started to look at the need for more structure in my day. I needed a routine, and that's when I read the book, The Miracle Morning. I'm going to link it in the show notes, and it's a quick read. It was just something that completely transformed my mind around how I'm waking up in the morning, and that was a game changer for me.
When I started to do The Miracle Morning and I started to get up—and before I was getting up, I was having coffee in bed while watching the news—I wasn't getting up and doing what I do today, which the first thing I do today is my oral care, takes me about five minutes. I do the skincare, just washing my face and getting in there for the starting point of the day, and then I have a little bit of quiet time with my coffee, writing in my journal. I don't do that consistently every single day, but when I need it, it's there. It's always on my desk. And little Frankie blue time, my puppy, and the house is quiet.
I get up at 4:30. My husband goes to the gym like at 4:45. So I have that time for myself now. Back when I was doing The Miracle Morning, that's kind of what I started to do, and it just grew and eventually I got into this rhythm of waking up earlier and then making that first hour for me. I still do that, but depending on my day and my calls, I also look at work and getting one thing done off of my work checklist as self-care, and it's Eat the Frog, which is also a great book. I know I've talked about it before—Brian Tracy's book, Eat the Frog: Do the Hardest Thing First. And that's when I'm in the best energy.
So my self-care really is about following my energy, following my values because I value my peace. I value more than anything time for myself right now and not spending all day working because I can easily burn myself out. I define self-care as me giving a damn about myself. Because that's what I always wanted to do. I wanted to look like I gave a damn about myself. Like it didn't matter what was going on on the inside, I just wanted to look like I took care of myself. Now, it's the opposite for sure. Like I give a damn about myself. It's me first, and that has just been such a practice over the years.
Also, it's really about how I feel. So it really helps me in feeling better throughout the day, less anxious for sure. And I don't have the resentment at the end of the day because I didn't take time for myself. That was something that I used to experience.
So check in with yourself: How do you define self-care, and then how does it make you feel? It's just such freedom to know that we can nurture ourselves like somebody else would nurture us, and you get those warm and cozy feelings inside, and you go, "Ooh, I love this right now." This is just so nice. And you walk away and go, "Ooh, yay me. I took that time for myself."
So it's okay if you feel like drinking alcohol is self-care. There is absolutely no judgment here. It's marketed that way. You deserve a drink. This is what we do to relax. At this stage of life, we're all going through so many different transitions, and there's stress, there's different kinds of stress, and feelings of isolation and feeling like, "This is my friend. This is what I have turned to. This is what comforts me." And I know how hard it is to get out of that.
Again, when you can go back to feeling like you're comforting yourself, that's freedom. You don't need alcohol to do it, but it does take practice. So we're not aiming for perfection here. We're not aiming for a whole list of things to do. We're aiming for progress, and let's aim for fun also.
And when we see any kind of advertisement or any kind of old belief comes up about alcohol equals self-care, we just say to ourselves, "You know what? Not for me. I'm going to stay in my own lane, and I'm going to do what works for me."
So let's get started with some practical steps to take here.
Notice any resistance first. If you are at that place where you don't really know what self-care is, I hope that this is going to help you work through that a little bit better. You define what self-care is; there's no right or wrong way. What feels good to you? And then I'm going to walk you through what you are already doing because there you go—you’re already doing it.
Yes. So some of the challenges that I talked about, like not enough time. Okay. You gotta make time for yourself. It doesn't have to be all day long type of thing. What I like to do is say 10 minutes for me. So 10 minutes in the morning, midday, and afternoon.
So notice the resistance. It could be, "Well, this feels really indulgent." Valid. Give yourself a hug and say, "I want to do it anyway. I'm going to indulge myself today because you deserve it." This is definitely not a priority challenge. Please challenge that you are a priority.
And I know if you're not used to doing these kinds of things and calling it out, like I'm going to encourage you to do before the end of this episode, give yourself time. Because in time, you get used to it. Just like with everything, we don't have to have everything figured out and know all of the steps before we get started. We got to go through it and see what we learn about it and see what helps us and works for us. And then we are like, "Oh, okay. All right, I'm going to get past the thought of not having enough time because that's not true. I can have 10 minutes in the morning for me because I matter, 10 minutes in the afternoon, 10 minutes in the evening." And then what will happen? Probably, hopefully, maybe you want to stretch that time out.
So notice the resistance, do it anyway, then recognize what you're already doing. So it could be everyday acts like making your bed, your morning walk, drinking your coffee or your tea in peace. Each time you do something, call that out: "This is me taking care of me." You are reinforcing your self-care practices. You are reinforcing that message: I am number one. I am number one. I come first.
And notice when you're more motivated to drink and plan self-care around those times. So it could be the end of the day where you are stressed at the end of the day. Typically, that is where a lot of women want to pour a glass and just relax. Totally get that right.
So if you know that, or if you know you get to a point in your day where you feel lonely and you start to say, "You know what? I can't wait to have that glass of wine tonight because that is my friend," be proactive and say no, but instead just for tonight, I'm going to practice something else that will help me.
So it just depends on what you need, your personality, your values, whatever works for you. Like I could say, "Sit down and breathe and do meditation," and that could work for you. That wouldn't work for me if I was feeling lonely right now. I would want to get out and take a walk just so I can see people because I do get isolated. I work from home, and so I need to take care of that for myself throughout the day.
If I'm feeling stressed at the end of the day, washing the day off, taking a shower, getting in my jam jams five o'clock, sometimes earlier, and that's the signal. It is okay to unwind, and it's very important for me to not have any devices or anything nearby so I can just chill and talk to the family, have dinner, those types of things.
That may not work for you. So find the things that you can do for yourself, especially if you feel like you are motivated to drink during certain times of day. You could plan this out on your calendar. You can write a post-it note to remind you: If I feel stressed, then I will fill in the blank—take a walk, call a friend, regroup.
And to mention more of those daily practices, for me, it's the basics. Number one, sleep. So making sure that I not only shut down at the end of the night, typically by nine o'clock, and then I follow the same sleep routine even on the weekends. Getting up, going to bed at the same time not only helps me but prioritizing sleep and giving yourself permission to rest throughout the day—that could be something that you're already doing for yourself.
The one I did mention for me: morning coffee, honoring your mental health, taking a day off, canceling plans, changing your mind about something, especially if it involves alcohol and you just don't want to go.
Having more and more conversations with women like, "I really don't want to do these things that I keep doing that involve alcohol. I don't want to do them anymore." Give yourself permission and say, "I don't have to do it anymore." That's me taking care of myself.
Drinking plenty of water throughout the day—that just keeps your body lubricated. You feel happier. You have a little bit more energy. Checking in with when you are hungry, eating throughout the day, having snacks to nourish your body so you're not getting to the end of the day. And if that's something that motivates you to drink—hunger—making sure you're taking care of that.
Connecting with your people, the people who love and support you. You walk away from a conversation and you feel good. You don't feel drained. Practicing self-reflection by asking yourself throughout the day, "How do you feel? What can I do for you right now? What do you need? What do you need less of or more of?" That is in the Daily Sobriety Toolkit if you want to grab that. There's a reflection there for that.
Prayer, meditation, pausing instead of reacting—that's you taking care of yourself. You’re protecting yourself. Say no to anything that just doesn't feel right for you and honoring your choice to be alcohol-free.
Just as we may think that alcohol equals self-care, sobriety equals self-care. It really does, and I'm proud of you for making the choice for yourself or you're getting to the place where you're making the choice for yourself. This isn't an overnight experience for most of us.
So can you give yourself a hug from me on the way out from this episode? And if you would like to share what you are doing for self-care, I'd love to hear from you. My email is always in the show notes.
Remember, consistency is you being proactive. When I was sharing earlier my routine that I did this morning, back when I stopped drinking, if somebody would have said, "Well, that's what you need to do every day," I would have been like, "Are you kidding me? That seems like a lot." So start really small and make sure you're calling out the things that you are already doing every time you do it.
So tomorrow morning, if you're listening to this, you go and you get your morning cup of whatever you're drinking, and you say, "This is my time for myself." Don't rush it. Don't gulp it. Let's not gulp coffee like my husband. We're going to sip it and we're going to say, "This is my time for me. I matter, and I'm making that time for myself very first thing."
Then at the end of the night, give yourself a sweet little routine that you can do for yourself that you look forward to. I do have an episode coming out specifically just for that.
Be unconventional. If watching an old movie at 6:30 in the morning helps you get centered, that's you taking care of yourself. Do you, boo. That's the only way this stuff is going to work.
I am with you. If you're looking for extra support, you're looking for a community to help you live alcohol-free in midlife and beyond, please check out Team Alcohol Free. It is the best time to join this community, and it is the best time to live an alcohol-free lifestyle later in life.
There's so much support and love there. We meet three times a week. You have phenomenal resources. You have a daily feed that will help you stay connected, and you can be in there when you need that extra support and learn from other women who are doing this thing with you.
You could check out Team Alcohol Free in the show notes.
Thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, aging well on your terms, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol doesn’t stand a chance against.
I’m with you.
Did you enjoy the episode?
If you found this episode helpful, I’d love it if you’d take a minute to leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
Your review is greatly appreciated and helps another woman who is searching for support in living alcohol-free later in life.
Make sure to follow along on Apple and Spotify so you can listen to new episodes coming your way.
Thank you! ✌🏻
.