[00:00:00] Hey there, welcome to To 50 and Beyond. It's Lori. If we're back together again, it is so nice to be here with you today. And if you're new to the podcast, thank you so much for tuning in. This is a bonus episode inside the essential series, your guide to living alcohol free and midlife and beyond. This is a six week podcast series.

[00:00:18] So if you're coming into this one for the first time, it's okay. Today's episode is more of a pep talk. a boost you up talk and so you don't have to go back to the beginning but the link is in the episode's description for the essential series if you want to go back and listen to the first gosh we're on what six episodes so far.

[00:00:38] So let's start this one because I feel like this is going to be a really good one today and my mission here is definitely to build you up. Because we're talking about how to build your alcohol free muscle one challenge at a time. And I'm flexing my muscles. As I'm talking your alcohol free muscle helps support the challenges you face.

[00:00:56] When you stop drinking, this muscle is in [00:01:00] alignment with your choice to be alcohol free. It's there to hold you up during those challenging times, but in the beginning, and for some of us, A little bit farther along, like me, we feel out of alignment with this muscle and it feels super hard to use. There is resistance to using this muscle because let's face it.

[00:01:20] It's not one that gets used very often when you're a drinker. And you know what they say, if we're not using it, we're losing it. Our associations and our identity with drinking. I was. Party girl makes it really feel like this muscle does not exist and it's never going to exist, but with every challenge we face, it may feel like we're picking up or trying to pick up a hundred pound dumbbell.

[00:01:43] But the good news is that just like with resistance training, it helps us build muscle in our bodies. It's also that resistance training with not drinking when you're faced with the hard stuff in life that builds that alcohol free muscle, think of your alcohol free muscle as inner [00:02:00] strength and determination to lead an alcohol free lifestyle. Whenever you encounter anything that feels like this is going to be challenging, I'm worried about it.

[00:02:09] I mean, we have some common fears going into this, but also you have things, and I want you to identify those things today that you feel are challenging, and maybe for me, they weren't as challenging. So like some of the common challenges that we face, definitely socializing definitely being around certain people, including our spouses, our partners, our friends, family that we have known forever and know us as drinkers.

[00:02:37] Dealing with those drinking thoughts, like we've talked about dealing with our cravings and definitely the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that, man, we don't even know what they are when we stopped drinking because we've used alcohol to really. Numb those out. That's when we're building up those muscles.

[00:02:54] When we are facing those challenges without drinking and you're giving yourself the [00:03:00] opportunity to strengthen your resiliency, your trust in yourself and that muscle that will support you daily. So there's so much opportunity in these challenges. And that really is the message of this episode today is to feel the resistance.

[00:03:15] Of those challenging moments and lean into them to find the opportunity because that's giving you much more resolve around this whole choice to be alcohol free and a much better perspective of yourself. And this perspective can go from going into this, you know, I don't think I'm going to be able to do this to, hey, every time I face a challenge, I start to say to myself, hey, I can face this.

[00:03:39] And do this without drinking, and this is how I'm growing because the only way we grow is by going through the hard, as we talked about last time, the only way out is through, so it has to come first, the hard challenging time has to come first, but there's so much opportunity there, there's so much to be through.

[00:03:57] Thankful for, and I know if you're in this and you're saying [00:04:00] to yourself, Oh my gosh, this sounds like a bunch of fluff. I would be saying the same thing to you back when I stopped drinking, I would not have believed that at all. It's okay. You don't have to believe it, but honestly give yourself the opportunity to at least experience the fact that, Hey, maybe.

[00:04:17] This is a thing maybe I could lean into the resistance of these challenging times and start to look at them as Doing this mindset flip as this is an opportunity for me to grow This is an opportunity for me to make it a little bit better for me to live alcohol free You don't need to be stronger you are strong enough today to face the challenges that keep you drinking and it really matters working this alcohol free muscle because It empowers you to resist the temptation of your old drinking patterns and your habits and helps you create new habits that make alcohol free living more natural.

[00:04:51] And I will say easier and better and more enjoyable.

[00:04:55] One of the most common questions I get asked is, when does not drinking get easier? And I get [00:05:00] it. I used to ask that too. Last week I talked about what I wrote in my journal at six months. Why is this still so hard? I expected it. To be easier, but here's what I've learned.

[00:05:09] There's no one size fits all answer. I don't subscribe to a timeline of what to expect on this alcohol free path. It's up to you to answer that question. And you will answer that question one day. You're going to answer it yourself. the simple answer to this.

[00:05:27] Is not drinking becomes easier when you face the challenges you used to drink through without relying on alcohol. What comes first? It has to be the challenge. Until it gets better, we got to go through those challenges, and those challenges are gold if you let them be that opportunity to get out of this bullshit cycle that keeps you drinking, because where alcohol exists, you don't.

[00:05:48] Not fully. You cannot see the badassery. You cannot see yourself as who you really are because you've leaned on alcohol, just like I did. When you go through a challenging moment, [00:06:00] like saying no to a drink, to yourself, you're at home alone on the couch and you want to drink so bad It would be so easy to drive down the street and you say, you know what?

[00:06:10] No, Sue you are not doing it. Not today Oh, man, that desire is there. It's on fire, man You are facing that challenge and you're getting through it You build that muscle With each time you do that. So it's not about this quick fix.

[00:06:25] You know that we've talked about that when you are able to answer that question for yourself. Please email me. I want to hear it. I want to hear your response to that because I know there's some of you out there that are listening to this and say, you know what? I did realize there was a day where I just said, you know what?

[00:06:40] It's getting a little bit easier and let it be just a little bit. It doesn't have to be this huge thing. Let it just be a little bit and notice these things by celebrating yourself. When you say no to that drink and you say, no Sue, not tonight, Amy, I am so proud of you for doing that. So there's no real quick fix to that answer.

[00:06:59] There's no [00:07:00] specific timeline. It is a gradual process of growth and transformation that we are all going on. Take it day to day, create this path for yourself. And always remind yourself that it does get easier through the process that you're going through today right now. .

[00:07:14] And let's talk about the fact that we know that life isn't easy. We're mid lifers and the things that we want long term take time and effort to get. You don't need this to be easy. If it were easy, everyone would stop drinking and have overnight freedom from alcohol. But what would we learn from that?

[00:07:33] How would we grow and evolve by pushing the easy button on things in life? We just don't. So the mindset here and the mission of this episode is to really allow yourself to give yourself a moment to pause and step back and say, you know what? I do feel challenged by this moment right now, but where is the opportunity?

[00:07:51] Where's the lesson here? Listen, it's never too late. To learn these types of lessons in life and when you're challenged and you're doing the hard [00:08:00] thing, it's like a catalyst for other areas of your life

[00:08:03] but if you're working on being alcohol free and it's a challenge for you right now, stick with this and focus on what you can do daily. And look at your mindset, because it really matters. Flipping the script often, when you aren't drinking, will help you work your way out of anything that you feel is a roadblock.

[00:08:19] Because if you go into it and you think, Hey! This is going to be really easy. If you've heard about the pink cloud, everybody talks about, oh, it's euphoric, and it's such a great thing, and I've saved all this money, and I've lost all this weight in five days, and all of it. If you go into it thinking it's going to be really great, you could be let down the moment it gets hard, frustrated, and then you go back to drinking.

[00:08:41] And if you think it's going to be super hard going into it, chances are you won't start. Because it's going to be too hard. So let's keep the mindset neutral. Go into this knowing that you're creating this, new adventure in your life, this new chapter in your life, and you're learning as you go. . Let me share a short story [00:09:00] with you because it's coming up right now when I talked about the mindset of it's going to be easy. Let's see, about 13 weeks ago, I started a workout program with a coach where I went back to more strength training and lifting weights because I had become complacent with my exercise over the last couple of years.

[00:09:15] If you don't know To 50 and Beyond was started via an Instagram account in 2015, because I wanted to get in the best shape of my life. To 50 and beyond. That was my goal. I want to get in the best shape of my life before I hit 50. I was about 48 and then beyond that. And so I started this account and at the time I owned a house cleaning business and I was cleaning like 10 houses a week.

[00:09:40] I was super fit. I was doing beach body programs at home. I was lifting a lot of weights, going to the gym. I was doing it all. And I felt like I had it. I was, I had it. This is like the first time in my life that I've ever had muscles. I have got this thing down and I let it slip [00:10:00] and I became complacent and I stopped cleaning houses in 2020 to go full time into coaching and then I realized, oh wow, that was a big part of my exercises.

[00:10:10] Cleaning houses. I get it. That's been really hard for me to come to terms with, but that's a whole other podcast episode. So when I first started this program, I definitely had the mindset. It's going to be easy. I'm going to get right back into lifting weights because I know how to do it.

[00:10:26] It wasn't like I wasn't really doing it, but I wasn't doing it. Like I'm doing it today. Now I went into it thinking it was going to be easy. And man, when I got into it, I was lifting 10 pounders thinking. No problem doing most of the exercises, but man, they felt like 50, maybe 75. I don't know. They were heavy.

[00:10:45] And I felt so down about myself during that first month. And I kept going back to this story of comparing myself to a few years ago. I felt really frustrated. I wanted to give up. I had the story of maybe cover your ears. Maybe you're too old.[00:11:00] Maybe you're never going to get that muscle back. You shouldn't have let it go.

[00:11:03] You know, all of it. I'm sure that, you know, these stories, right? And this badgering that we do with ourselves. And because for years before I started this, this great program for myself in my late forties, I really told myself the story. You're not strong enough. Your body doesn't come with muscles. I'm never going to have.

[00:11:22] Arms like Madonna. I just couldn't and I was definitely right because I wasn't challenging myself or putting in the work like it takes to have arms like Madonna. So I have to remind myself daily with every rep that I take because I did just come back from the gym and I was doing some 15 pounders today and I realized while you're made, you've made progress.

[00:11:43] The weights are lighter feeling. They're not as heavy. You're getting back into the rhythm, but goodness, goodness, goodness, be kind to yourself and remind yourself that it takes time and focus on why you're doing this work to begin with. And [00:12:00] we can relate that to so many different areas of our life, I think, but definitely when we're in that thick of not drinking and those challenging times, and you feel so challenged that you are absolutely 100% sure I'm going to drink today because the craving is too hard to face.

[00:12:15] The peer pressure from aunt Sally is too hard to face or this feeling or this emotion. I have no idea what it even is. It is too hard to face. Remind yourself. That with those challenges, those obstacles, those thick, hard moments of being alcohol free. You're doing the work. In those moments, that is the work and you're building that muscle and it's slow going.

[00:12:39] And that's what matters most because that's when you give yourself the opportunity to make it stick. Lifting the heavyweights now, going through those obstacles that you face without drinking, to give yourself the opportunity to learn how to manage those challenges on your own. That's the key to long term.

[00:12:56] sobriety and so there is so much opportunity for growth no [00:13:00] matter what your age no matter where you are right now in the circumstances in your life take action today and just make a list you can grab your post it note make a list of what you find challenging because again we all face similar challenges but you may have something that feels challenging to you that you're maybe not even addressing and that's holding you back from going all into plan a An alcohol free lifestyle where you are all in.

[00:13:24] Keeping a tally on these challenges will help you flip the script and really find the opportunities that lie within each and I'm going to give you an example, the biggest obstacle and challenge I faced when I stopped drinking was how would I ever manage my anxiety and my hives that broke out on my neck that I hid for many, many years by wearing turtlenecks, even in 100 degree weather.

[00:13:48] If I wasn't drinking, there was a turtleneck on It's the truth that started in my late 20s and my story was oh my gosh I'm gonna have to stock up on turtlenecks. Yes, but I will never be [00:14:00] able to socialize or do anything where I feel uncomfortable Because I'm not drinking and alcohol dimmed the light on my anxiety.

[00:14:08] It really took it down It really relaxed me and then it really turned up the light on my confidence level. So oh boy What was I going to do? It was tough going places, being around people who I used to drink with, without drinking. But each time I experienced a social setting without drinking and I experienced the burning on my neck and the anxiety, I was really giving myself the opportunity to feel, to feel anxious, to feel excited and learn how to trust myself and be confident in who I am versus who I had portrayed for so many years while drinking.

[00:14:44] I gave myself the opportunity to validate. How I felt instead of feeling ashamed about it. And also what we're giving ourselves when we feel without drinking is the opportunity to just fully embrace, being a human a big warm hug. And that's some next level shit [00:15:00] right there. If I had given in to those challenging times, I would never have had the opportunity to build my alcohol free muscle, making the next challenging time.

[00:15:10] Let's say it easier. The things you fear without drinking are going to be your biggest muscle builders. My friend do the reps by naming your challenges and then flex that muscle every time you face the challenge. Alcohol free flexing that muscle is you celebrating being proud of yourself. If you go to your best friend Monica's house on Friday night, typically for drinks, and you're really worried about it this Friday, you don't want to hurt her feelings, and you don't want to cancel, do the heavy lifting by telling her in advance that you are bringing N.

[00:15:41] A. drinks because you're not drinking. That's got to be at least five reps. Right there. At least. And then you're walking out of Monica's house saying, Yeah, me. I am so proud of myself flexing that muscle. And let me just say one more thing about feelings and emotions. If this is one of your challenges, it is with [00:16:00] many people.

[00:16:00] I don't want to generalize here, but I will say with most

[00:16:03] alcohol dims the light on all feelings, not just the ones that we don't want to feel, the, the grief and the sadness and the anxiety and the stress, but also the good ones too, the joy and the happiness and really our sense of self. And that is why when you stop drinking, you feel deprived of feeling good and think that you're not drinking is the reason But really the reason you're not feeling good and you're not feeling feelings is because of your drinking so you've got to give it time You've got to give yourself that distance to really get back to feeling again And you know, I'm no therapist work with a therapist on naming your feelings because yeah, I was 14 when I started drinking I didn't learn how to name my feelings back then.

[00:16:42] I'm learning them now though at 55. I would drink to relax relieve stress, anxiety, and sadness. And after I was done drinking, these feelings and emotions would be worse than were before I started because now I was dealing with them hungover and regretful and more [00:17:00] anxious because I didn't sleep well because I was drinking.

[00:17:02] We drink to cope, which makes us feel like we can't cope without drinking. The more we drink, the less we feel capable of handling challenges on our own. There is that resistance to obstacles, which is why it feels so hard to resist the temptation of drinking.

[00:17:17] You gotta stay the course and be vigilant in your plan A daily. , please remember that the most challenging of days, is you putting in the work and doing the reps so you can flex that muscle during the next challenging day.

[00:17:27] Life is happening, whether we are drinking or not. I've been saying that from day one of this podcast. Remember that muscle is essential in supporting your choice of living alcohol free. Getting yourself in alignment with your future self, who you want to be tomorrow. And in the beginning, it might feel challenging, but every time you face a situation without reaching for a drink, you're strengthening that muscle.

[00:17:47] It's like lifting weights. The more you do it, the more consistency you create, the easier it becomes. There's no fixed timeline for when it gets easier, but trust the process, my friend, embrace the journey and [00:18:00] get your post it out and write down those challenges today

[00:18:03] and lastly, one last reminder for you, because I like you so much, trust the process and believe in yourself. And if you don't believe in yourself today, believe that there is a process and you're going through it. Be a friend to yourself. Give yourself a pep talk when you feel like you're given into temptations and remember your reason why that why power.

[00:18:23] Oh my gosh, that is going to help you so much support that muscle to keep going. I'm with you always. I am cheering for you. If you want to get further episodes of 250 and beyond delivered to your email inbox a day before it airs, join my 250 and beyond email community link below in the episodes description.

[00:18:39] And if you are looking for a place to create an alcohol free lifestyle and you want inspiration and support and fun ways to make it happen, join the team, Team Alcohol Free, my virtual community that is just such a fun and empowering place to hang with women just like you. You will find the link below get on in and start attending meetings this week in August.

[00:18:59] We are [00:19:00] talking about feelings and emotions. We have some great meetings lined up and fun things happening in August. So it's a perfect time at the end of the month. If you're listening to this in real time to get on in and join up next episode 257 coming your way next week.

[00:19:14] How to stay alcohol free by adding more structure to your day. This is going to be a fun episode is one of my favorite things to talk about. And one of the things that I feel is missing in so many women's life is having more structure in their day, a plan for their day.

[00:19:29] And that's really going to support your alcohol free lifestyle and it's going to help you build that muscle. How many more times can I say muscle? I think that's it. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Peace.