Call them objections or roadblocks, every woman over 40 that I've talked to in the past few years had at least one of these or more, including me.
I was an over-drinker for thirty years, and I just celebrated seven years of sobriety.
When I quit drinking, I needed someone to help me work through what had held me back for a couple of years in quitting drinking.
I needed answers.
In this five-part video series - The Top Five Objections to Getting Sober, I give you hope and a new perspective to help you feel better and save time going back and forth with the struggle to quit drinking.
I've been coaching women over 40 since 2018, and I've heard all of these "roadblocks" and more.
I chose the following because they truly are the top five objections.
You can watch the videos or read the transcripts below.
This is the one thing that blocked me for a really long time and the reason why I spent a lot of time Googling, am I an alcoholic? What is this? What's happening with me? I took the quiz over and over and over again, until I realized that it didn't matter. It did not matter what kind of a label drinker I was.
I drank for three decades; I had had enough. And what I did when I quit drinking, very dramatic, I poured all my wine out. I stood over the sink and I cried like a big baby. And I thought there has to be something else here because this isn't working for me anymore.
And this was 30 years of being the party girl and holding on to that label for a really long time. When I realized that at 45, I was no longer the party girl, I was sitting on the couch, drinking copious amounts of wine and anything I can get my hands on to escape life.
Does it matter if you want to quit drinking or not? Watch this short video to find out.
Well, I can't quit drinking because alcohol helps me socialize, that was me. Alcohol helps me relax, that was me. Alcohol helps me feel confident and feel uninhibited, that was me.
And for so many years, like I said in the first objection video, I held onto that. I wanted that confidence and that party girl label for so long. And that's what I had told myself, so again, take the pressure off of yourself.
Those stories have been hanging out for a really long time, now is your time to change it around.
Alcohol makes me tolerate people; it helps me to be around certain people. It helps me at the end of the day, I deserve a drink. I want a drink, I have to have a drink after work, I'm too stressed.
Alcohol helps me calm down and what I want you to focus on, is the fact that alcohol is a depressant and then it's also a stimulant.
So, you're probably not getting as much sleep as you should be. Maybe you're just chalking it up to, this is how much I need. I'm going to go through it every single day, feeling foggy and tired and hung over, that's my normal.
No, don't allow that anymore, cause the minute you put your foot down to that, then you can start changing things up. And I want you to change it up, so look at really, really, just be honest with yourself.
There's so much self-awareness that needs to happen right now and I'm just loving on you. Ask yourself, what does alcohol really helping me do? What does it help me do?
And then you focus on that list, of making a list of what it's not helping you do anymore. And then you start focusing on that list; you see where I'm going here? Focus on the negative side of it, instead of, oh, it helps me relax.
Maybe for the first 20 minutes and then you're up all night and you're beating yourself up the next day, because you drank when you didn't want to drink. Or you said something that you didn't want to say, and it's all of that viciousness. And I don't want you to experience that anymore.
Focus on the negative instead of all of the positive, and we're not making alcohol, the enemy, and you're not the victim. But I want you to highlight what you don't want instead of what you do and how it.
Relax, right now relax, take that pressure off of yourself. I know this is super scary. This is where you really have to tap into that self-awareness, and you have to go back a little bit. I always like looking forward, but I want you to go back, when did this story start?
Maybe it's not even involving your drinking, it's the story that you're telling yourself is, I don't follow through. I have no discipline, I have no willpower, I can't commit to anything. You'll notice it, if you start to focus on all of that negative self-talk throughout the day.
And you're just letting things slip, because they've naturally came out of your mouth for so long. Like you're apologizing for things that you don't need to apologize for.
I do that all the time. Oh, I'm so sorry. What? I'm not sorry. I didn't do anything. Why am I apologizing to a random person on the street? It's just those things that you have to start really tagging like, Oh, that's so negative and that's really not true anymore. I can commit and I can follow through.
And what if you can't do? Let's look at it, what if you can't do it, what would it look like then? Weigh it out, I know you can do it. If I did it, it sounds so corny, but I'm going to tell you, if I did it, you can do it. And what I did was to really stop talking to myself so negatively, and that took a lot of time.
Because I was the queen of negative talking to myself. But I just had to start focusing on, well Lori you're really saying to mean things to yourself. And the more I got sober and into my sobriety, I realized that you've been talking to yourself like this for so long, no wonder this is what you believe. So now it's time to push pass those limiting beliefs that you have for yourself and do something else.
And the minute you take that first step and you start doing it, then you can't tell yourself that you can't do it anymore because you're actually doing it. Make a list, what are your stories that you're telling yourself? I can't do it. I tried back in 2005, it didn't work so I went back. I don't have willpower; I don't have discipline.
What is it for you?
Just write it down and sit back. Give yourself a lot of love and sit back and look at that page and go, is this true? I don't think it is and if it is, I want to change it. Cause I have the ability to change it right now and that's what I want to do. I want something more for myself and you can do it, absolutely!
What about, this is what I said back in 2013, when my son was 12 and I quit drinking. What will I do when Spencer gets married? I might not be able to drink at the wedding. I had all of those thoughts too, so again, you're not alone.
Even when we get to the middle of life, we still want to belong. It's the human experience, it's in our nature to be a part of something and to fit in. And you know here on social media, it's the same thing as back in high school some days, like we want to fit in with other people.
If we see people drinking or we see people buying things and we're easily influenced, then our mind is going to be stuck in that confusion okay. So, let's go back and look at those old stories, and start really exploring your inner circle. And who around you would be drinking and if you said I'm not going to drink anymore, would not want to be around you or not include you in things; you wouldn't be invited.
I want you to really challenge that, because I want to tell you my story really quickly. It has happened, it's awkward, but I'm standing here and I'm talking to you and I'm really happy. And so, if that was the case, maybe that inner circle is going to change up a bit and maybe it wasn't supposed to be there to begin with.
And it's sad, it is scary, I feel that it's sad. And you feel like, oh well, I got to keep drinking because I can't be around Sharon. Can't go over to Sharon's house, she's not going to want to drink alone. I never want to drink alone either and I realized going back after I quit drinking, like, wow, I was kind of a pusher. I was a pusher and so I get both sides, but you have to ask yourself.
What is the cost of your happiness and your freedom and your joy, if you're constantly trying to please other people and to fit into this category of drinker, fun girl, let's invite her. And that the fact that alcohol equals fun, I want you to start changing that up as well. And look at how alcohol isn't fun.
What does the next day look like? Is that fun? Is it fun to be in constant thinking about it mode and wasting so much energy around I'm going to drink tonight. I have to drink tonight, I got to go to the store, I got to buy it.
All of the things that happen the next day, you're waking up in the middle of the night. You're not sleeping and you're accepting it. Is that fun? Just challenge yourself and give yourself a hug!
The last objection, number five, snapping my fingers. I don't know how to do it. It seems so overwhelming, it's so confusing, it's so hard. I'm not going to be able to do it and I don't even know how to start.
Okay, let's say you're going to start today. You're listening to this or watching this at eight o'clock in the morning and tonight you're not going to drink, that is your intention. I don't want to drink tonight; I want to feel really good tomorrow and I want to be proud of myself.
Okay, so today you focused on not taking that first step. And then tomorrow you write about it in your journal in the morning and say, okay, this is what I did, this is what worked last night. And you say, why can't I do that every day?
I know, listen we can make this really overwhelming and really complex, or you can break it down into really simple steps. And when I quit drinking, I said in the beginning, whatever it takes. Whatever it took to get me through that day without drinking, was all I could focus on. And now I know that there are so many books, there are so many podcasts, I have one.
There are so many wonderful, wonderful people on Instagram and on social media, just talking about it and sharing their blogs and their articles and their experience. And it is so comforting, but it can also be really stressful, and you can go into information overload and you can get to that point where you're just feeling stuck.
Maybe you've tried one way, maybe you've read a book and you've tried it that way and it didn't work. And so why try it again? Why bother? You always have to be tweaking things in life, not even in sobriety, if something's not working, why do you keep trying to push it?
Because you know that it's just sucking the energy out of you and wasting so much time. Start simple and just don't let yourself take that first step. Cause if you're like me, that first sip is one bottle and it's two bottles. And it was never the first step I was after.
And so, you have to keep doing that and you know, want to talk about consistency and being able to change that old story that we talked about before? That says I have no discipline, I have no willpower, I'm not going to be able to do it. Consistency will prove you wrong, and so now is the time to prove yourself wrong.
And every day you go yes! And you acknowledge all of your progress and you start patting yourself on the back. You give yourself a hug, you say, yay me! Yay me, I'm doing something really hard and you don't go back. You don't talk yourself back into it. Because you're self-aware now, you're enlightened; you know that you don't want to moderate. You've tried it before; you keep going back and forth.
So now is the time to just trudge ahead and look forward and then stay in your own lane. Stay in your own lane; if it gets too overwhelming, cut off all social media. Stop reading the book, stop listening to the podcast. Unplug.
Grab your journal, get a meditation going, make sure you're always exercising. Make sure you're drinking a ton of water and make sure you have that community and that connection to where other women who are your same age group and who are on that same path as you or doing the same thing.
You will start to realize, well not everyone drinks and I'm aligning myself to a different lifestyle that includes new friends and new support.
And new fun activities that don't involve that alcohol and I feel like when we take ourselves out of that, just that really narrow-minded road, that we only see people around us that are drinking.
I hope that you enjoyed this video series.
I want you to know that no matter what you are struggling with you can change it around and get sober. You don't have to keep drinking because you've been drinking for years or months.
So, where do you go from here? Maybe you've decided to go "all-in" to sobriety, great! Today, is a new day to start fresh.
Here are some of my most loved podcast episodes from women over 40:
I hope this helps you.
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