Midlife Sobriety: Common Questions and Concerns

[00:00:00] Lori Massicot: Hey there, I'm Lori. I'm so happy that you are here today. Today, it's you and me together going through some of the most common questions and concerns I hear from women in midlife and beyond. From what do you drink when you don't drink? To how do you manage sleep without drinking? To is it normal to be mad about not being able to drink?

[00:00:17] The purpose of this episode is to ensure that your questions and concerns are felt and asked by so many other people where you are today, because you are not alone. And that is so important for me. One of the many reasons why I am here is to share this information with you, because I do have insights into other women's lives and I have insight into my own experience through research and my own experience of being a drinker for three decades and sober almost 10 years next week, my friend, and

[00:00:45] the hundreds of women that I've worked with over the past five years. I want to bring you this episode full of just honest answers and to offer you a shift in perspectives. And of course, some solutions for some of your concerns. I've already went through some of the most common [00:01:00] concerns like managing triggers and cravings and navigating challenges as part of the essential series.

[00:01:05] So you were coming into a bonus episode of the essential series, your guide to living alcohol free and midlife and beyond. I'm going to have the entire series link down below in this episode's description. So I'm not going to be covering so much of the triggers and cravings because I have talked so much about that.

[00:01:22] But I want to make sure that you know that those episodes exist and they were just a few episodes behind this one. And I also have episodes coming your way next week about dealing with relationships. But I'm going to talk a little bit about the relationship topic today because I know that it's a big concern for many.

[00:01:38] So hey, let's get this party started.

[00:01:41] The first question I get asked often is, how did you know it was time to quit drinking? I've also shared my story many, many times on this podcast and through the Essentials series. What I came up with when I was looking at this question, the first thing I thought was, I really didn't know it was time to quit drinking.

[00:01:59] I just figured [00:02:00] that There had to be another option. I knew that I couldn't moderate because I didn't want to moderate. I tried that for two years. I knew that one sip of alcohol would lead me to two bottles. I knew that the day after drinking was the worst experience of my life, and it was getting worse and worse.

[00:02:17] The more I would go on with drinking. I knew that my tolerance to alcohol was off the charts, and really, I just knew that I wasn't happy with the results that I was getting from drinking, and I did put in a really good effort to try to make alcohol work, and it didn't.

[00:02:32] I was really tired of my BS, my excuses, my blame, my reasoning behind, you know, I deserve a drink, and I really, I was so tired of having this deep desire burning so deeply in my belly to want a better life for myself. It was a dream, but I didn't do anything to create it. And that was really knocking me down.

[00:02:53] I really wanted freedom from thinking about drinking and centering my life around alcohol. I could go on and on. So, bottom [00:03:00] line is, I went for it. Not really knowing that it was time to quit drinking, but I did say that I'm going all in, Plan A. If you haven't listened to the Essential Series, Plan A is all in on an alcohol free lifestyle.

[00:03:11] And I held tight to the reason why I wanted to stop drinking, which was the night that I quit drinking. I wanted to feel better, and that was enough to get me started, which will lead me to my next question. How did you not talk yourself back into drinking again?

[00:03:27] And I did talk a little bit about this, the fact that I was going back and forth, even though I went in on that plan A, I was definitely negotiating with myself. And I put those rosé colored glasses on often because distance makes the heart grow fonder. And I really started to think, well, maybe. I can manage this and I had to go back to my reality.

[00:03:48] It was the first time in my life where I really talked to myself, like, stop BSing yourself, please. This is not your reality. Your reality is that you don't want to moderate. You can't have just one because it was [00:04:00] definitely that story. Maybe you can have just one or maybe because you didn't have that last blowout.

[00:04:05] You deserve that one. And so I had the negotiations, but I kept going because I really held tight to that reason that got me started. And. I reminded myself that if I am feeling better it's going to get better if I keep going. And then also I thought there's got to be more reasons coming my way that I just don't know about.

[00:04:27] And, and that's what happened. And that's what really kept me going today. Definitely. I don't talk myself into drinking because sobriety has brought me closer to myself, to my family, to the people that I love in my life. It's brought me all these new people in my life, like you

[00:04:43] and sobriety has given me a chance to feel how I feel without shaming myself or judging myself. I think that's total freedom and I don't think that's something that we can leave on the table of life. I think that we have to give ourselves the freedom to just be, be ourselves, be vulnerable with [00:05:00] ourselves and feel without feeling like we've got to pour anything over it to escape it.

[00:05:05] So I didn't let those moments of romanticizing drinking come between. What I wanted more tomorrow my future self and you can do the same as well if you're talking yourself back into drinking, go back to episode 254, what it takes to transition to an alcohol free lifestyle, and make sure you're checking in with your daily plan. Are you changing things up? Are you connected with other folks who are working on being alcohol free and are you making progress with changing up those old stories and beliefs like I deserve a drink?

[00:05:35] Because if you keep going back and forth, the reason you're doing that is because you're not making changes and you know, it takes time. I'm going to say it. Time is your best friend and you have to start looking at that instead of only focusing on how do I not go back and forth, how can I make a plan for myself where I don't go back and forth, you know, ask yourself better questions.

[00:05:57] What is that plan I can create for myself? Where can [00:06:00] I mix things up? The next common concern I want to talk about is the fear of quitting drinking forever. And I believe that it really comes from the fear of commitment we have. To make with ourselves. It trips us up. It is to ourselves. It's, it's not sobriety.

[00:06:13] It's really committing to yourself. And that comes with like these old stories that we've had. I can't commit. I don't like to commit to things. I don't like to follow through. I've heard it all. Trust me. I have heard it all from myself and many other women. When it comes to committing to ourselves, we're scared and we doubt.

[00:06:32] that we can do it. So we don't get to that point because we are fearing other things. So I really do feel like it's the fear of commitment most, but then also it's legit, like thinking forever, this is going to be my life forever. And I was so scared and doubtful of it for such a long time. And that is the reason why one of the reasons why I held back on quitting.

[00:06:55] You know, for two years, I am a quitter. I tapped out of a lifestyle that was no longer [00:07:00] doing a damn thing for me. I quit and I hope and pray that I will stay sober for the rest of my life, but I cannot predict the future. I understand the fear that comes with saying I'm quitting drinking forever. And if this is you ask yourself just right now, be really kind to yourself.

[00:07:16] Don't judge yourself. Just say where is this coming from? I know for a fact for me It was all about the external views and it was all about saying, you know If I quit drinking and everybody around me knows that I'm gonna quit drinking Then I have to do it and that was that fear there. There was the fear right there.

[00:07:34] I feel it Oh, I felt that one right there like oh my gosh I I can't say that to anybody cuz they're gonna hold me accountable and what I learned was I hold myself accountable to this day. And so, you know, we think that it's this big story that we're creating in our lives, that people are going to think that we're failures and we have to do this perfectly.

[00:07:54] But really, honestly, what you do is you get started and you take it day to day. And if you're [00:08:00] fearful of forever, it's going to hold you back from being alcohol free today. If you're not a mindful person and you tend to focus more on yesterday and tomorrow, I understand this completely. It's a great time to develop mindfulness skills because they will help you immensely in finding a second nature rhythm to being a non drinker.

[00:08:17] Give yourself today. Repeat after me. Today I choose to be alcohol free because I want to feel my best. And I'm going to do it today. And then I'm going to revisit it again tomorrow and sooner rather than later. I hope that that forever thinking dissipates, but just know that it's never a reason to go back to drinking.

[00:08:37] And the more time and distance you have between you and alcohol, you can gain a different perspective of what life is without drinking. And that forever thinking will be gone. The next question, how do I keep sobriety going long term?

[00:08:51] There is such a concern that this must be laid out perfectly before you begin. And I do get this question in the very beginning. If I meet with a client, how do I get this [00:09:00] going? And so it's long term and I get this. We have those good days where we go through a day and we're in a better mood, not fixated on drinking.

[00:09:09] And we want that to last forever. And we start to. Fixate on that. And then in the beginning, it's like, you know, if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to commit to myself and I'm going to follow through and go all in on plan a, then I want 100% guarantee that this is going to be for long term. And again, we can't predict the future.

[00:09:27] I know we want it to last forever. We want the good days to last forever, but we got to remind ourselves our expectations going into this. We got to take it day to day and we got to remember. That good days and bad days happen, whether we are drinking or not. And I'm going to say something. I heard my grandma and my mom say, I can hear Carol Jean.

[00:09:47] Now don't put the cart before the horse. There are many factors that will help you keep it going long term, and it is in the day to day process that you will figure out, like, each one, like managing your cravings without [00:10:00] drinking, that's a factor, asking for support, getting connected to a community creating new habits and a daily plan that support your alcohol free lifestyle, those are the factors that you have to work on that will create that long term sustainability.

[00:10:14] There is no way I would have figured out it. How to deal with my cravings in the beginning even if I had a plan, even if somebody said, do this, it's a hundred percent guaranteed. I had to go through it. We all do. We have to go through it and find what works for us. And. I would never have done the opposite of drinking if I hadn't given myself time and patience and reflected on that reason why every single day I didn't want to drink.

[00:10:38] You may not have everything figured out ever, and that's okay. You get closer to finding more resolve in not wanting to drink every day you don't drink than you do by drinking. Let figuring things out happen. You can't control the future focus on what you're doing today to stay alcohol free Another concerning question I hear is about day ones.

[00:10:58] There is someone in the world [00:11:00] right now waking up to a day one It's either the first one where they said I'm done I can't do it anymore or it's the hundredth loathing

[00:11:18] And there's so much perseverance happening. If you've had several day ones, there is something within you that wants to be alcohol free. You're persevering. let those days remind you of that reason. And each and every time you have a day one, you get a new opportunity to bring everything you've learned about being alcohol free to the table.

[00:11:38] Shift your mindset from another day one, or I'm starting all over again to it's a new day to start fresh. I love a fresh start. Life happens. Our plans don't go as planned. If you just spent. 23 days out of 30 day dry month or seven days or three days out of that month and you think you are starting on day one can you think again [00:12:00] you have those days you didn't drink as experience and let me just say you're a badass and you earn another I want to get emotional right now let me gather myself you earn a badass star every time You start fresh.

[00:12:19] I know you want to kick the shit out of yourself, but why not try the opposite and give yourself a hug and maybe a chuckle? Like, let's loosen up. Like, I have to think of all the times that I start over on stuff, and sometimes I'm just like, Good lord, Laurie Michelle. Here you go again. Loosen the reins a bit, my friend.

[00:12:34] You're not perfect, you're human. We don't do the things we want to do all the time, but we learn and grow and get back up. Again and again, because we're resilient and we're midlifers and man, we are bad ass. So put another star on your lapel for another day one and repeat after me, day one trumps day none.

[00:12:54] While I'm on this topic, another question I hear often is, Should I count? days that I'm not drinking. [00:13:00] I'm tired of going back to day one. It's the counting is exhausting me.

[00:13:04] And I just want you and I to make a pact right now to just shut ourselves down whenever we find ourselves saying should or shouldn't because it's based on what other people, society is doing, faceless strangers are doing with their lives. Instead, ask yourself if this is something that you're curious about, would counting days help me?

[00:13:21] Does it help me? Does it keep me motivated or does it stress me the F out? Two different perspectives here. If it's going to give you motivation and keep you going, count your days. I have plenty of clients who count using habit trackers or an app specifically for sobriety that helps you count your days or you can tally it up in your journal, you can just get, here we go, the post it notes, I just got one, it's purple, and you know what, sometimes if I'm doing a new habit, what I'll do is I'm going to do it right now, I write out, let's see, Next month.

[00:13:51] Oh, it's August 1st when I'm recording this. How many days are in August? 30? I will write out Don't don't quote me on that. I'm gonna [00:14:00] write out just 30 right here on this little post it It fits and every day that I don't check my email more than twice a day. I'm going to X out the day There you go. And then at the end of the month, there we go.

[00:14:13] I just put it right there. I'm going to finish it later. At the end of the month, I'll look back and I'll go, wow, you made it five days. Good job. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate your progress. You know, you do not have to count counting days is one way to track your progress, but I think it's looked at as only I'm counting the perfect days that I didn't drink.

[00:14:33] And sometimes that puts a lot of pressure on you if you're looking at it this way. If you feel fired up by tracking your progress through the number of days you stayed alcohol free, go for it. Do what feels right for you, not what other people are doing. I will tell you that I didn't count my days because it seemed stressful to me.

[00:14:51] But what I did, I had a Kindle and it was in a pink and white polka dotted leather pouch. And on my Kindle, I found an [00:15:00] app. I don't even remember the name of it. It seems like, gosh. Back in 2013, when I stopped drinking, it was like dinosaur days compared to what it is now, but on that Kindle, I had this app and I didn't use my Kindle that often, but every now and then I would go and open it up and look at the days.

[00:15:15] And it became something that was really like definitely prideful, but also wasn't looking at it every single day. So I would just check in like at 60 days or something, or you know, then I lost track and like I would check in 380 days, like, holy shit, who is this? So if counting days stresses you out, there are other ways to track your progress.

[00:15:35] Track your progress by celebrating those wins, . Every time you say yay me, you turn down a drink when you really wanted a drink.

[00:15:40] Yay me. I did it. You did something opposite besides drink. Yay me. Let those stack up. That's your progress. Another fun way, take a photo a day to see your glow up. I've had clients do this and it's like one of the best things that I've ever seen. And I always think, I wish I would have done that back in the day.

[00:15:58] Take a selfie every single day. [00:16:00] You don't have to show it to anybody. Keep it in a folder on your phone and track your mood. Is it improving? Track how many times you get up in the morning. Create a plan for yourself. You go through the day. You don't think about drinking. That's all progress. You know, find the progress that really lights you up and, and Pay attention to it.

[00:16:15] You know, I think that's it. We don't necessarily have to track just pay attention to the progress what is the saying notice how far you've come not how far you have to go Next question. What do I drink if it's not alcohol? Honest question. It's scary going to restaurants to order It's scary being at home when you're typically a drinker.

[00:16:34] So I did talk about like What to drink in a past episode and I listed it in 25 activities so I'm going to list that 25 activities list again in this episode's description. Play around with this, find the drinks that work for you. There are certain things that I love that I talked about.

[00:16:52] Just simple water Diet Coke. I love a good Diet Coke. Perrier. LaCroix, bubbly water, ice waters. Those are what I shared the [00:17:00] last time. Mingled mocktail is something that a lot of women love and mingle mocktail. I cannot remember her name. I'm so sorry, but she was on the podcast. Gosh, probably. Two years ago, and I would love to revisit with her because she has such a great Instagram.

[00:17:17] If you follow her, Bethany Frankel, the Real Housewives just started to support her and be I don't know, what do they call them? Brand ambassador an influencer, you know, whatever, but she's really supporting the Mocktails. And I love that it's getting out like that. Here's what I will say about this.

[00:17:31] If you go somewhere and you are Feeling like you don't want to order a mocktail that tastes like a cocktail, or if you're at home and you don't want the mocktail that tastes like a cocktail, you don't have to have it. The good news is there are so many restaurants and places where you can go and get mocktails.

[00:17:48] But if it's like a faux alcoholic drink, no, not for me. Cause that will trigger me. So you could try it the first time I did. But again, like be aware of that. And then also whenever I'm in a restaurant or if I'm with other [00:18:00] people and I get my drink, I always like, I smell it just in case. I don't know if everybody else is ordering drinks that have alcohol in them.

[00:18:07] I want to make sure that mine doesn't but find drinks that work for you and know that there are so many drinks out there other than alcohol. The next question that I have gotten more than once And I'm going to reframe it because this is kind of the gist of it. It's not that it's asked this way, but Is sobriety trendy?

[00:18:27] I heard one time from a gal, if I stop drinking, is that me jumping on the bandwagon because my friend told me it was? And sobriety isn't trending. It's necessary for many people in this world to get sober and stop drinking. People who didn't want to quit drinking, they weren't motivated to do it, but wanted to keep living.

[00:18:43] I think it's fantastic that an alcohol free lifestyle and the dangers of drinking are being talked about publicly on social media and the news today but in no ways is sobriety trendy or there is a bandwagon that you could jump on. And even if there was, yeah, jump on it. If someone thinks that they [00:19:00] need to educate themselves on what alcohol is, what alcohol does to your life and what sobriety is.

[00:19:05] It's a choice that bad ass people make to better themselves and their lives. No. It's not a trend and there's no bandwagon. But again, if there was one, okay, I guess I'm on it. Next one. How do I stand my ground when my partner spouse or BFF says it's okay for me to drink? I think that I've talked about this already and I'm definitely going to talk about it next week.

[00:19:28] And the three types of people who may derail your alcohol free lifestyle for today. I want to remind you that no one knows how alcohol affects you, but you. Stand your ground by not explaining your choice not to drink more than once to anyone. Stand your ground by remembering your why power, why that reason matters to you, and remind these people in your life that they are going to be okay if you're not drinking.

[00:19:51] , nobody knows what drinking is doing to you and why you're at this point in your life where you're coming to terms with the fact that you don't want to drink anymore.

[00:19:59] [00:20:00] Nobody knew for me because I wasn't talking about it. I didn't really even know for myself. So stand your ground and we'll be back together to revisit this topic next week. Next question. What do I say to people when they ask why I'm not drinking alcohol? is the only drug you have to prepare yourself to explain.

[00:20:18] Why you're not drinking. I want to read you something because we're talking about alcohol today. Let's get centered on this. And this is coming from the National Library of Medicine. Alcohol is the most commonly used recreational beverage and drug of abuse among the adult population. Alcohol related death is a third leading preventable cause of death In the United States, which accounts for more than 3.

[00:20:39] 3 million global deaths annually, according to the 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 14. 4 million people suffered from alcohol use disorder in the US and over 100, 000 deaths were attributed to alcohol, the World Health Organization, who reported that more than 200 health conditions, including cancer, [00:21:00] liver cirrhosis And neurocognitive impairment were also attributed to alcohol consumption.

[00:21:06] These chronic health conditions are progressive, cause a heavy economic burden to society, and decrease the quality of life for both patients and caregivers. That's what we're dealing with here. If people are saying, you know, why aren't you drinking this drug?

[00:21:20] . I was so terrified of this question and two years into my sobriety, I went to my 30th high school reunion. I was so concerned that people would ask me why I wasn't drinking and no one cared.

[00:21:29] Let's face it. We're all a little self involved, right? We're worried about ourselves. And so when you get to this point, and if anybody ever does ask you, it's good to be prepared. Some of my clients favorite things to say when asked if they want to drink I'm good for now. When asked why they're not drinking, I'm doing a cleanse or I'm doing a 30 day dry month.

[00:21:47] And really, like, Share that with them and let them know that there are other options because I think that we all need to share this at some point when you're comfortable. I'm taking a break. I'm just taking a break. I'm the designated driver. [00:22:00] Like, shut it down. I'm the designated driver, period. And remind yourself again of what we are dealing with when we are pushing alcohol on other people and people are pushing alcohol onto us.

[00:22:10] I also want to address a concern which involves the language of not drinking. Sober, sobriety, alcoholic, alcoholism, problem drinking dependent, alcohol dependence. I know these terms are hard to face because there is a stigma and the stereotypes that surround not drinking that we grew up with. If someone says they don't drink, people can and will automatically assume that they have a problem with drinking or they are an alcoholic.

[00:22:34] The term sober sobriety is one that many women in midlife and beyond fear, including myself in the beginning, when I was writing in my sober journal, I was writing AF. I was not writing sober in the beginning. I didn't really start to step into that term and that that. Embodiment of that identity until about a year into my sobriety when I learned more about my drinking and what it was and, and that felt right for me that came in time, [00:23:00] though, people know you as a drinker, you know yourself as a drinker.

[00:23:03] So it's tough to figure out who you are when you don't drink. And I did let this fear and stigma hold me back from quitting because I couldn't imagine. Going to that place. I didn't want to bring myself to the point of saying, you know, to anybody else. I'm an alcoholic the night. I decided to stop drinking. I made a choice that night. It didn't matter. What my drinking meant, or who I thought I was because of my drinking, what mattered most was becoming who I truly wanted to be on my own, without that relationship I have built with alcohol really becoming who I am today, that is what I had envisioned, and I couldn't have gotten here if I didn't quit drinking people are going to judge you because you don't drink, or assume you are someone you're not, there isn't anything you can do about that, especially keep drinking because of it, you cannot control the perspective of others, but you can, shift your perspective.

[00:23:54] Lots of women that I work with say I'm alcohol free, kind of like gluten free or sugar free. It's really one [00:24:00] of the most beneficial things that you can do for your health to go alcohol free. So it's more of stepping into what feels comfortable for you. And then I want to remind you, not only are you a badass, you are a trailblazer and you're someone who is no longer willing to give into the normalcy of drinking poison that it's acceptable.

[00:24:19] And, you know, If people are going to ask you or judge you let them drink it. You've got much better things to do with your one precious life. , lastly on this topic, there are so many people in this world who find comfort and confidence and pride in saying, I am an alcoholic.

[00:24:37] I don't subscribe to telling anyone what they should call themselves or avoid calling themselves, or do I believe that it's okay to avoid using the terms because there's so much stigma and stereotypes around it, or somebody else's opinion that it's not needed, you don't need to refer to yourself as anything, or it's outdated, I believe that what you feel comfortable identifying with will help you [00:25:00] greatly, and I respect that.

[00:25:02] Thank you. All of it. And I know a lot of alcoholics and I admire and love them all.

[00:25:06] And there's a quote or saying that I read a long time ago. I would rather believe that I'm an alcoholic than to continue to drink to prove that I'm not.

[00:25:14] The next question, how do you stay motivated to not drink? A motivation is something that is not needed to do hard shit like not drink. I think that's a farce that we all feel like, you know, we've got to be motivated to do things. I'm not motivated to do a lot of things. Definitely not work out most days.

[00:25:29] I'm definitely not motivated to get up and get my workout clothes. Some days I just want to. Lounge. But I know that it helps me feel better. I know that it helps me work through anxiety, clear my head, you know, I do it for the benefit. So if you feel like you are waiting on motivation, it's time to make motivation happen for you.

[00:25:48] And I really find motivation to be alcohol free, even in the beginning was to really focus on the perks of it all from, you know, saving money to appreciating my skin and [00:26:00] really being present with my family. That was something that, you know, I felt really great about in that first year. And then I really found motivation in.

[00:26:08] Not experiencing the effects of alcohol anymore, you know, not embarrassing myself, not slurring my words, not falling or being mean. How I stayed motivated definitely in the beginning was focusing on feeling better. Like I've said repeatedly that Y power definitely motivated me. But yeah, I don't think that you need motivation, but you definitely have to make motivation happen because that comes from within.

[00:26:30] So if you feel like you could use some more motivation, chances are you may be bored with your routines. Try something new like a hobby or a project that will keep you occupied. Hit the reset button. And it's, this is going to lead me to the next question that I get. How do I get past the boredom of not drinking?

[00:26:47] The days are long. We just talked about this in Team Alcohol Free in my online community. Or how do I have fun if I'm not drinking? And I know that I've talked about this in a past episode. We've got to redefine fun. Drinking [00:27:00] for me was fun in the beginning when I was 14 in my 20s. Yeah, sure. And my 30s started to get a little dark and, you know, in my 40s, no, it was no longer fun.

[00:27:10] And I had to redefine fun in the beginning for sure. It's like, what is fun? I don't even know if I thought drinking was fun. Vacationing while drinking was fun. What's the opposite of that? Where can I find fun? And I think. It takes so much time to redefine fun and find new things and really label the things that we're doing daily, like fun.

[00:27:30] Like, I'm having so much fun right now with you. I find fun in doing this. I find fun in getting up and journaling and having my coffee. I think that that is just really enjoyable and fun for me and it's something that I get excited about. Oh my gosh, I go to bed at night and like, I can't wait to have my first sip of coffee in the morning.

[00:27:47] I have fun listening to 80s music at the gym and dancing. I don't care if anybody's looking things have changed. And I think that as we grow older, we've got to redefine fun anyway, and we've got to find new things that fulfill us. And [00:28:00] we don't necessarily have to be having fun all the time.

[00:28:03] Honestly, when the days seem long and you, again, you are not alone. Remind yourself that doing nothing is doing something for yourself other than drinking and be bored. It's okay. It's okay. Build that alcohol free muscle every time you feel bored, embrace being bored as an activity because the overstimulation I think keeps us drinking.

[00:28:23] I mean, honestly, I wanted more, more, more, more, more. Now it's like, I want less. I want less stuff to do. I want less people around me. I want less. And that is fun for me. So keep going. If you haven't found your fun yet. Find your fun and have fun doing it. Last question. Let's talk about the, is it normal questions?

[00:28:45] Is it normal not to be able to sleep after you quit drinking? Is it normal to feel sad, pissed, angry, lonely, and miss alcohol? I am going to say yes to all of those things. It is normal. And I went through all of this and I will speak from my experience. [00:29:00] Let's remind ourselves as we get older, our hormones fluctuate.

[00:29:03] It's normal to feel moody and sad and not sleep and menopause. Always talk to your doctor about these types of things and get support. And if you're drinking alcohol to change your state and fall asleep faster, alcohol, even one or two glasses a week, it doesn't take very much of alcohol to affect how you sleep, how you process your emotions and stress, even when you're not drinking.

[00:29:25] It's not just when you're drinking, it's when you're not drinking. And there was a time where I've talked about, you know, I would really binge on the weekends towards the end of my drinking. And man, I would be in that withdrawal phase for the. A few days after that, and then I would go back into the cycle of drinking, you know, it was coming down off of it.

[00:29:42] I felt moody. I felt regretful. I didn't sleep very well. And, you know, it was just that cycle on repeat. So what alcohol really does is it's giving you a lighter sleep. You're not really having that restorative sleep. And in my experience, it heightened, of course, my anxiety. So when I [00:30:00] would wake up at one.

[00:30:02] I never really went into that REM cycle. I was just lightly sleeping and I would wake up with this anxious feeling and I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. And when I was going through perimenopause, you know, I can't really say that hot flashes have been that much of an issue for me, but I would have the night sweats and I would start sweating and I would get very nervous that I'm not going to be able to go back to sleep.

[00:30:24] And alcohol just made it feel like I never really slept. At all. So if you want to talk yourself back into drinking because you're not sleeping, it's legit. It's one of the things that will definitely motivate a lot of folks to go back to, to, Drinking because of the lack of sleep and I know now for me, I feel desperate some nights for sleep.

[00:30:43] I'm not a great sleeper. And when that happens, I really make it worse by not preparing for those nights. So now when I say I prioritize sleep, I prepare for the nights where I know that it's just not going to be that great. And I will share some of my favorite sleep tips with you because yeah, I've always had that sleep story.

[00:30:59] [00:31:00] I can't sleep. I'm not a good sleeper. So what I started doing was I started wearing a Fitbit. I fell asleep with it by accident one night when we were on vacation in Palm Springs and I woke up the next day and I'm like, well, look at that. It did say that I slept pretty good. That really helped me. So that has helped me definitely.

[00:31:19] Fitbit, Apple Watch, you get something for like 30 bucks off of Amazon. Doing that mind cleanse or brain dump at night, just getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper, getting your day set up, like I talked about in creating a plan for the next day that helps me just remove the worries.

[00:31:34] And I do it at 5 o'clock. So that's the end of my work day, typically. And then I shift into going into my evening routine and then setting up a sleep schedule for yourself. Like, what time will you go to bed? I turn off the lights off. And what will you do? About a half an hour before you go to sleep?

[00:31:50] Then what time will you wake up? For me, I like to read. I just started a really great book right now that I'm totally into. So I go in. My husband. And I'll go in the room [00:32:00] about eight o'clock. I do my skincare and everything. And then about eight 30, I'll get into bed. And we'll read until about nine.

[00:32:06] Sometimes like 8. 45, I start to fall asleep, but that helps me to fall asleep. So maybe for you, it's listening to meditation, listening to a podcast, having the TV on helps you fall asleep. Like if you've heard like, you know, the screen thing, do what helps you. This is Lori Massicot’s opinion.

[00:32:25] Do what helps you. If falling asleep with the TV on helps you do it. If being on your phone helps you, do it. Again, for me, I have to just do the reading. That is very helpful to me. I have to have a fan on. I've got the ugliest fan in our room. It's black. It's just a plain plastic fan, but I have to have that sucker at full speed.

[00:32:44] And I have been sleeping with a fan for many, many years and I cannot sleep in a room that's like dead silence. So, I have my fan on, I have my earplugs in and I have a satin mask on my face. That just helps me block everything out and, you know, get yourself to make sure [00:33:00] that room is cool, especially now it's warm in the summer.

[00:33:03] So I always have a cool room. That's very helpful for sleep. And. Some other things to do before you wind down, bath or a shower. Had a client who shared that she uses melatonin bath salts and I got some of those and I've just recently started to experience a bath again. I, I love it. It's very relaxing.

[00:33:20] And then if you can't sleep and you're up. They do say to get up and move around in the middle of the night. I have never done that. But if that's something also that could be beneficial going into another room or reading, or maybe turning the TV on find the things that work for you. But I will say a night of insomnia without drinking is much better than one with drinking and the next day is better as well.

[00:33:42] The next, is it normal questions? Is it normal to feel sad, to feel pissed or angry? Is it normal to feel lonely and miss alcohol? Absolutely. Not just from myself, but I have talked to many women who feel like there is definitely a grieving process that we're going through. We do feel sad about letting alcohol go the [00:34:00] relationship.

[00:34:00] We feel lonely without it. There is sadness around what our future will look like. We feel like we're going to miss out on a lot of things. That takes time to work through. If you are feeling this sadness deeply, again, please reach out and talk to somebody and get some help for yourself.

[00:34:15] Feeling angry and feeling frustrated with ourselves and dealing with that regret coming off of drinking and, and going all into an alcohol free lifestyle is real. I was mad at myself that I couldn't drink normally. air quotes normally and envious of others who could. I was pissed and regretted that I had let my drinking get out of control, that the only option that I was left with was to quit.

[00:34:38] Like, why didn't I see it sooner? All the coulda, woulda, shouldas. And just remind yourself that it is normal to feel these things, to miss alcohol. It's normal to look at it as, Hey, you know what? This was a relationship. Don't deny yourself that because then you're able to really embrace and accept the fact that this is why it's hard.

[00:34:59] This [00:35:00] is why it's so difficult to get through these feelings because I did put a lot into this relation. I put a lot of time. I put a lot of effort. I felt like alcohol was helping me for a really long time and it's normal to miss. The things that, you know, don't serve us, don't do anything for us,

[00:35:18] it's normal to miss the things that were really limiting us from living our lives. And still not drink, still feel this way and not drink. Talk it out. Find people who feel the same, the shame and the fear and the isolation dissipates when you talk about it and you are around other people who are working through it as well.

[00:35:37] Just give yourself time and know that these things... Give yourself time to work through all of these things because you are worth sleeping without alcohol. You are worth feeling your feelings without escape, and you're never alone in how you feel. I am always with you.

[00:35:51] That is the last of the questions and concerns, but I want to ask you a big favor. If you have a question or topic you would like to hear on the podcast, please take a moment to fill [00:36:00] in the Dear Lori listener feedback form from the show notes. It helps me so much to hear from you and remember no question is too silly.

[00:36:07] Just please ask it If you want to get To 50 and Beyond delivered to your inbox a day before the episodes air I have a link in the show notes to join my 250 and beyond email community And hey if you're out there and you're tired of going it alone And you really do want to be around other women who are doing this alcohol free thing And myself join my online community team alcohol free.

[00:36:28] It's such a great place to be I cannot say enough about this community as it grows daily The connection and the, the welcoming spirit of it. You're always going to be welcome there and come on in and get started to go to a meeting this week. Up next, next week, episode two 56, the practice of being alcohol free.

[00:36:46] It's going to be very short, probably one of the shortest episodes I've ever put out. It's going to help you step further into being free from alcohol. Take care of yourself this week, my friend. Thank you so much for listening. I send you out with a big hug. Pea