How to Rest On Purpose
Have you ever told yourself you'll rest when everything and everyone else is taken care of, when you've earned it? Or maybe you've said the opposite: I don't need to rest, I'm fine. Or you feel guilty resting because somewhere along the way you learned that rest is a luxury, something you have to earn first. Or maybe you don't know how to rest because you were never taught.
What if rest is actually the one thing that would help you be more productive, spend less time doing something and get it done quicker, avoid injuries during your workouts, calm your nervous system, and support you in staying alcohol-free?
That's what this episode is about.
The Badge of Honor That Was Actually Depletion
Most midlife women, past and present, have a preconceived notion that rest is what you do when you're not feeling well, or that rest simply isn't needed. I'm fine. I can do all the things.
I think about an old boss I had who could never understand why everyone was so tired working in a high-pressure office. She would say, why are you tired from sitting at your desk?
I was an escrow officer, which is a very stressful job, and in my thirties I remember thinking, yeah, I shouldn't be tired. I should be pushing through. That's what I did. That's what everyone in that office did. And that job is what I drank on Sunday to make the week ahead look and feel better.
If I could tell my thirty-five-year-old self something right now it would be: you're human. Give yourself more time to rest. Take the breaks. It's not normal to push yourself into panic attacks and anxiety and then try to drink them away.
Now at fifty-eight, postmenopause, with the realization that nothing good comes from pushing myself when I'm mentally and physically tired, I've learned how to rest more. Even with the guilt. It's lower level now, but it's still there.
I ask myself today: am I well rested enough to do this thing, or do I need to rest in order to do this thing?
At thirty-five I would never say I'm going to take time to rest. I can hear my husband saying, what's wrong, you're not feeling well? Today when I say I'm going to rest, or when someone asks what I did today and I say I rested, my husband says okay, or honestly nothing at all. This is what I need, and I'm going to fulfill that need so I'm not pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. When I get to the point of exhaustion or burnout, it's hard for me to rest. So I like to be proactive about this throughout the day.
The doing and doing and doing was a badge I wore proudly because busy meant worthy and productive meant valuable. Those beliefs are still there, and I love to get things done, but right now what we need to do in all the doing is take care of ourselves.
What Rest Actually Is
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician, researcher, and author of Sacred Rest, makes the case that we have incorrectly combined sleep and rest, and in doing so we have made rest look ineffective when it isn't.
The result is a culture of high-achieving, chronically tired, burned-out people carrying a rest deficit they don't know how to fill.
Her framework identifies seven types of rest needed to address that deficit, and when I read this it made complete sense because I could see exactly where I was depleted and why sleep alone was never enough.
Physical rest is prioritizing sleep, taking naps, and recovery days between workouts, massage for sore muscles, stretching instead of lifting, restful walks.
In February 2025 when I started Cheryl Coulombe six-week challenges, she programs three strength training days and the rest is walking, stretching, and light cardio. Before that I was going to the gym five or six times a week and seeing very little progress. Now I'm seeing progress, and I saw it early on. More is not always better, and I'm learning that in so many areas of my life.
Mental rest is giving your brain an actual break from thinking, decision-making, and planning. Taking intentional breaks throughout the day, getting outside, taking a short walk, journaling, having a conversation with someone you love, or closing your eyes to relieve tension. Your brain needs a chance to refuel, not just power through.
Emotional rest is acknowledging how you feel without pushing it aside or numbing it. Journaling about your feelings, talking to a professional, setting boundaries with people and activities that drain you emotionally, and not being available for everyone else's stuff because you have your own stuff going on. I just can't take this on right now. I used to be able to, but now I can't. I'm changing and I'm honoring that change.
Social rest is limiting activities, saying no, or changing your mind about something you've already scheduled because you simply don't want to do it anymore. It's being intentional about who you spend your time with. If socializing was something you did while drinking, you'll find a new way to socialize, but don't push yourself into old activities. Embrace the version of you that you're becoming, the one who honors her capacity and her energy instead of her social calendar.
Sensory rest is taking breaks from screens, loud environments, noise, and the news and replacing that time with quieter activities like reading, writing, or just sitting in silence. We need this more than ever right now.
Creative rest is making more time for hobbies and things you enjoy, craft projects, home projects, wonder and awe. I always feel so much more creative after a trip to the ocean. It recharges my creativity more than sitting at my desk at home and clears my mind. It's the possibilities that exist out in nature. A beautiful way to restore your energy.
Spiritual rest is taking steps toward what nourishes you, connecting with meaningful work or a cause, or simply being outside in nature. This is something I want to learn more about and incorporate more into my own life.
And then there is reframing rest altogether.
Think of your energy like a bank account. When you're doing and doing, the balance is getting lower. When you rest, you're adding to it, creating more abundance and building that balance back up.
How to Start Resting on Purpose This Week
Instead of saying I'll rest when I'm done, ask yourself: am I rested enough to actually do this thing? And if the answer is no, then rest on purpose this week.
Schedule breaks. Try a power nap. Remind yourself you're human and it's okay to feel how you feel. Say no to draining activities and people. If Aunt Sally is calling, you don't have to take that call right now. Take a break from screens for a day. Sit outside and read. Cancel plans if you're not feeling it. If something is on your calendar that you're already dreading, it's okay to change your mind. The relief you feel once you do is real.
Try a new craft or get back into an old one. I'm loving my mixed media right now, collaging, paper and glue, mixing patterns, everything I don't do in my normal life I'm doing on paper, and it gives me energy.
Then take a walk with these questions: what does rest look like for me right now? What do I value about resting? Where can I put more rest back into my energy bank throughout the day so I'm rich in rest and not running a deficit?
Rest on purpose, even with the guilt, even with the pushback, even with the long to-do list, because you recognize that nothing good comes from pushing through anymore. It's time to make this practice more consistent.
I'm right there with you.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
I’m with you.
You can listen to more episodes here.
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