Getting Older and Staying Sober
To 50 and Beyond started six years ago with the mission to help other women later in life find the option of living alcohol-free and talk about the things we don’t find comfortable talking about with our closest friends and family like menopause and our drinking.
In episode 281, I’m sharing a reintroduction to the podcast, and my story and insights into getting older and staying sober long-term.
Whether you are new to the podcast or a long-time listener, I appreciate your support beyond words!
Aging + Sobriety = Badassery in my book.
What You’ll Hear:
How an anonymous Instagram account led me to start the podcast in 2018 (and changed my perspective of sobriety)
My thoughts on dealing with regrets about my drinking and how I manage those regrets today
Why I believe that aging is an advantage in getting and staying sober
Why I maintain sobriety: The reasons why I used to drink are the reasons why I stay sober today
The simple practices I do daily to help me find fulfillment in living alcohol-free
Mentioned in This Episode:
-
[00:00:00] Welcome to To 50 and beyond. I am Lori Massicot, them Midlife Sobriety coach and founder of Team Alcohol-Free and online community for women 35 and over who are curious about and living an alcohol-free lifestyle. I am your host. I am a woman who started drinking at 14 to be more outgoing, to be less shy, and because everyone around me was drinking and at 45 I still was using alcohol for those reasons.
[00:00:23] There was much more to my 30 year relationship with alcohol at that point and I decided to stop drinking at 45 on August 11, 2013. 250 and beyond started six years ago, which just blows my mind, February 18th, 2018. And today I want to check in with you and share a bit of a reintroduction to the podcast and my aging process and how I maintain long-term sobriety, why I maintain long-term sobriety
[00:00:50] and stay till the end to hear my commitment to the future of 250 and beyond. I was 50 years old when I started the podcast. 250 and beyond is a name that I used on an [00:01:00] anonymous Instagram account that started back in 2015 because I was starting a new eating plan and getting more into strength training and I wanted some extra accountability.
[00:01:10] But I didn't want my friends and family to find the account so there was no Lori Massicot on it. The name To 5Ag0 and beyond I'm sure came to me in the shower where I get most of my ideas and it really represented my mission to get in the best shape of my life before I turn 50 and stay sober and take care of myself beyond 50.
[00:01:27] At the time I started the Instagram account I was about 48 so I had a couple of years and after a couple of months of diving into Instagram which at the time I legitimately thought was only for celebrities. I started to find people who were talking about sobriety. There weren't nearly as many as there are today, but I found folks who today I consider my friends and who I am really grateful for meeting because at that time in my sobriety a couple years in, I felt really alone.
[00:01:56] I needed that boost of inspiration. I didn't know how much I needed [00:02:00] it. I needed that connection. And it's one of the tools that keeps me sober today is having that connection. I didn't have friends who were non drinkers. I chose to go it alone when I stopped drinking. So I wasn't in any kind of support group.
[00:02:12] So finding people on Instagram felt like big old relief. And I was itching to talk about things. I'm a shy gal. And I'm also a gal who really values honesty and hearing other people's stories and having deep conversations and sharing my story in a way that helps others and helps me find more purpose and meaning in my life and in this case with in my sobriety.
[00:02:34] So it was very helpful for me at the time. I started talking about it, my fitness, and then on Instagram and through just several different areas. It's a long story. I found podcasts. I had no idea podcasts existed. I mean, I was really checked out of social media, anything like that back then.
[00:02:52] I fell in love with listening to podcasts while working out, walking, cleaning. I always had my earbuds in. I was always listening to these podcasts. I was [00:03:00] learning about how to create a business online and it was around 2016 when I had that first vision. Of me having a podcast and it came into my mind and I couldn't get it out of my mind so I went for it, like I said, in February of 2018, I launched my first episode with the mission.
[00:03:17] To help other women later in life, find the option of living alcohol free. And also to talk about the things that we don't find comfortable talking about, even with our closest friends and family, like our drinking, like menopause and other things that we've talked about on the podcast. There's so many different topics that fall under that midlife umbrella.
[00:03:35] Like I've always said, it's like the umbrella of midlife. And there's so many different areas that we have covered over the past six years. So here we are same mission. Today, I appreciate you. If you are a first time listener, you're a long time listener. If you've shared the podcast with a friend or family member, thank you.
[00:03:52] I wouldn't continue to do this podcast if I didn't know that it was helping others. I've heard from women from all over the world. I've met so many [00:04:00] interesting people while I was doing interviews for the podcast. And if you're finding the podcast today, there are so many people out there who tell me I'm Starting from the very beginning and listening to the entire catalog, because I used to do Stitch on Saturday.
[00:04:14] It was called bonus episodes that I released, Little Nuggets on Saturday. So there is a huge catalog of past episodes in the podcast and people are starting from the very beginning. God bless you. Thank you so much. It's because of you being here that this is possible for me to keep going.
[00:04:31] So, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. From the beginning of 250 and beyond, I've said, Midlife is the best life. Midlife is the best time to quit drinking and experience life alcohol free. Aging plus sobriety equals badassery. In my book.
[00:04:46] Midlife is the best time. Not the easiest time to go alcohol free, which is really rewarding, and I'm going to talk about that in just a bit.
[00:04:54] And let me just say this on midlife. I've had people ask me Well, what do you consider midlife [00:05:00] now? I'm at the point of seeing women 35 and over it was 40 and over You know what? I feel like midlife is whenever you feel like it's a good age for you I want to live to be a hundred midlife is 50 whatever it is for you.
[00:05:12] I don't get wrapped up in the language I Like the term midlife, and people say I don't like that term. I do not like to use it. Do. You. Boo. So there we go. Midlife is the time when we really start to question our lifestyles, our relationships, our careers, and our environment. Do I want to live in California for the rest of my life?
[00:05:32] No, I do not. You know, questioning all of these things and really creating a different vision for ourselves. We're dealing with the hard stuff. Emptiness, caring for our parents or loved ones, divorce, retirement, financial hardships, loss of friendships for like, we don't even know why we're losing our friends, grieving the loss of loved ones who are passing on.
[00:05:52] And then there is the obvious part, the natural part of midlife, which we should all just be so happy for and embrace, which I am, it's [00:06:00] getting older. And sometimes it's hard and what a trip it can be to get older. I turned 56 last November. I'm fully aware that I've lived more years than I have left. I grapple today with the time that I spent checking out of life and the regrets and the guilt and the shame and the embarrassment that came from not just my drinking, but all of my human experiences combined that I've had over the past 56 years.
[00:06:23] I spend time today comparing myself to my younger self, questioning why didn't I appreciate myself more at even 35 or 40? Why didn't I see my capabilities of changing things around in my twenties that I didn't like and try new things as an experiment versus waiting for the perfect time and overthinking everything into the ground?
[00:06:46] Why didn't I just go for it?
[00:06:48] There are lots of whys and what ifs happening over here, my friend, just as I am sure if you're here, they're happening for you, but that's okay. At the end of the day. I always remind myself of how far I've come [00:07:00] and how grateful I am to be older and to be sober and to be able to learn from my past today instead of condemning myself for things I did because I'm human and I can't take back or change at this point.
[00:07:12] I'm embracing my age, my changing body. It's so easy. My changing face, my hair. This goes on my neck. Oh, my gosh, my neck. Oh, boy, and I'm really leaning into more of this contentment place for myself toward everything I am and have in my life, and it is a daily practice for sure.
[00:07:34] I do not believe in saying age is just a number. I appreciate that other folks feel this way, but to me, and I've heard people say that on the podcast, age is just a number, where they're coming from, and if that's you, I respect it. But to me, if I said that, it wouldn't be true to who I am. It feels like I'm brushing off something that is, I feel really important to remember and be proud of, and aging is an advantage that not everyone gets.[00:08:00]
[00:08:00] Aging is an advantage that not everyone gets. I have friends that I lost out of high school in my twenties.
[00:08:05] And I think about them often think about my dad who passed away in his late forties, and we are constantly reminded of how short life is almost daily when. You see the news, you hear a story that somebody has lost their life and they were too young, they've been taken too soon. Or we hear of somebody who is struggling with an illness, our loved ones, our friends.
[00:08:25] The advantage of aging can work for us in so many areas of our lives. Do you feel that in our relationships, our careers, and how we manage day to day life and its challenges? I believe that ageism exists.
[00:08:37] It is on the outside. It exists. But within ourselves, we can find all of the opportunities that come with getting older if we allow ourselves to reflect more with appreciation of aging. And I'm not saying that you don't do this. I'm just saying my story is sometimes I don't. And I'm being really honest with you.
[00:08:54] Sometimes I get up in the morning. I look in the mirror and I go, Oh, and it's not so [00:09:00] much the outer appearance. It's just when I look in the mirror, I see. Oh, my gosh, I'm changing. Life is happening. It's going.
[00:09:10] I'm so grateful not to be in my 20s, and I'm very grateful that I can tap into those past experience. Like I said, like a reference book when I'm facing challenges or trying to make a decision and say, okay, you've done it before you can do it again. Definitely. Or you've done it before. You're not going to do it again.
[00:09:25] That's how we learn. These are the lessons in our experiences and the older we get, the more we learn, the more lessons we have. Aging is a powerful advantage to the brave midlife souls. Who are not sure and scared to stop drinking, but know in their hearts that it's something they need to do to ensure a better experience for themselves in their later years.
[00:09:45] Let's say that at any age you can tap into the wisdom and the knowledge and the fact that you've done hard stuff before, you're older and wiser now, and you will figure it out once you get started. When I made the decision to stop drinking and go all [00:10:00] in on what I wanted more than alcohol, I felt that it was an inevitable decision.
[00:10:04] And I was talking to a client the other day about this, and I was sharing with her, you know, this fact that I just thought it was inevitable. And she asked me, just explain that. I was worried if I quit drinking, that my life would forever be changed. Not as fun. Not as easy, and I'm using my air quotes around easy as it had been while drinking.
[00:10:25] But in my heart and my vision for my future self, I knew that I would not be able to continue drinking like I was, and I knew that I didn't want to drink less. I didn't want to moderate. I tried that. So I felt it was going to be inevitable for me to stop drinking at some point. And the opposite of forever was never.
[00:10:43] And I did not want my fear of forever being a non drinker hold me back from never allowing myself the opportunity. To learn how to do life without drinking. Alcohol was a band aid for me. I would put it on in good times and in bad. It was an armor to protect myself. Like I always say, life is [00:11:00] happening whether we are drinking or not.
[00:11:02] There's never going to be a perfect time, I don't think, to do anything, but for sure to stop drinking. Only the right time for you. And with the inevitability of it all, I am somebody who likes to rip the band aid off if I know something's going to be hard or painful or awkward or just something that I do not want to do, I want to rip it off and get it done.
[00:11:19] But it took me about two years to get to the band aid ripping part. I was trying to moderate. I was trying to make alcohol work. I was trying to place rules and judgments and all those things on myself.
[00:11:30] And I realized, you know, when I quit drinking, definitely it's time. It's just time. And I'm often asked, how do you keep sobriety going? Because it's one thing to quit drinking. The ripping the band aid off, in a matter of moments, you can quit drinking. But to stay sober. Especially as you get older, it takes a great deal of effort on your part. Sobriety is the slow healing process of what was under that Band Aid to begin with.
[00:11:53] And for me, I didn't know what was under the Band Aid. Staying sober is a commitment to yourself to dig [00:12:00] in and learn more about what was under the Band Aid. Learn more about what you want and need and fulfill those wants and needs without drinking.
[00:12:06] Ultimately, the work that I've done in staying sober is becoming the solution and the enhancer in my life without beating alcohol, without relying on alcohol. We step into this role that alcohol played in our lives. And so for you, if you are at this place where you're starting out, this is where you're going to transition to.
[00:12:23] If you're in this place now, you're, let's say, two years sober. You are in this process still of really learning these solutions and how to be the solution for yourself. And I know you can do it because I've done it. And it is a process. Sobriety is a process and it requires lots of different practices and tools to work through.
[00:12:41] The number one practice for me to learn and that has been so helpful was being patient. I'm not a decent person. I like a quick fix. Patience in the process of staying sober led me naturally to learning how to be patient with myself and not expect anything that had to do with my 30 year relationship with [00:13:00] alcohol to change overnight. Nope. If you're going to stay sober, nothing happens overnight here. You were in it for the long haul. It's such a farce that anything worth giving a damn about is easy, especially getting sober.
[00:13:11] And as older women, you know, nothing comes easy. Giving up alcohol is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The hard stuff you overcome in life. It's what makes it possible for you to continue to do the hard stuff. It's like sobriety is preparing you for life and you build more trust and confidence in yourself that you can do it again and again, get through those hard moments without drinking.
[00:13:33] When I left my drinking self behind this vision, I'm envisioning her right now. Gosh, just love her. I just want to wrap my arms around her that night I quit drinking. I felt so alone. Alcohol was my friend. Drinking was so hard on my mental and emotional health for so many years, but I didn't see that at the time.
[00:13:51] . Keeping my drinking going, especially in those two years where I was trying to place all the rules and try to moderate and make alcohol work, was so hard on me. Much harder [00:14:00] than it was in those first two years of sobriety. I can say that now at ten years sober.
[00:14:04] Back then I wasn't saying that. And this is the reason why. I am myself when I'm not drinking, and when I'm being myself, I choose what is best for me. I do the things I want to do and not do, and that has been a practice. When I was drinking, I was keeping up. I was keeping up with others. I was doing things I really didn't want to do and wouldn't have done if it wasn't for alcohol, and I didn't see that while I was drinking.
[00:14:26] One of the hardest parts about living my life As a sober woman has been my realization that when I was drinking, I was not honoring my personality and who I was born to be. I was honoring the party girl persona I created at 14. The one who didn't like parties and used alcohol to like parties and to be around a lot of people.
[00:14:45] It just took, and that's what alcohol does once it's in your system. It doesn't have to be for 30 years like me. It could be a very short amount of time. If it ever offered you a solution, it's going to be the solution.
[00:14:56] You're always going to go back to it. I always went back to it. Socializing, [00:15:00] hives on my neck, anything that came up like that. Alcohol is the solution. That is a tough pill to swallow. 30 years spent working hard to be someone I'm not. Regrets? Yes, there are many. This is how I get past that right now. I'm not over the regrets.
[00:15:16] I haven't let the regrets go. They just come along with me every single day and I don't have to drink because of them. When I stopped drinking, I really felt like I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I felt completely disconnected from who I thought I was. It took me a while to move past the past and those regrets from drinking for so long and move forward.
[00:15:35] And it is the idea and the belief and the acceptance of the fact that I still have them, but I'm not drinking because of them. I'm not drinking to take those regrets away. I'm living with them because the alternative to drinking them away doesn't work for me. Keep myself in my sobriety going without drinking by acknowledging all of this, all the messiness in life, all of the challenges and reminding myself that alcohol [00:16:00] may have been the solution in my life.
[00:16:01] It did help me at certain points. I'm going to give it that wasn't doing anything to change the situation. And I'm the only one that can change it. I am much better on my own in changing my circumstances and living in those circumstances without adding alcohol to the mix.
[00:16:17] The reward used to be alcohol. I said in the beginning. Now the reward. Is doing the hard stuff without drinking doing things. I never thought I would do without drinking.
[00:16:26] I still reminisce about that today It's like I just went and had a dinner with Bill's company Friday night. We were away for the weekend. We were around people socializing It's not my favorite thing to do. There was someone at the table who is drinking There was a couple of people at the table who were drinking and I walked out of there just thinking gosh I enjoyed that so much more Then I would have if I was drinking.
[00:16:50] I was fine. I felt calm. I was myself. I was having conversation where I didn't wake up the next day and go, what did I say? No, I was saying what I meant to say. And it's taken me a [00:17:00] really long time to get there. So the hard stuff now is the reward. The things that I can walk out of and say, man, it feels good to do that without drinking.
[00:17:08] Q George Michael, man, that is freedom. I continue to work on being patient with myself and work on my sobriety daily. That is what keeps me sober and keeps me going. I do the things that helped me in the beginning, which they were the simple things for me in the beginning. It was exercising daily.
[00:17:24] listening to lots of music, reflecting in my journal. I started to track things. I started to write notes to myself as reminders to keep myself sober every single day. And since I started that Instagram account, I really have built a support system with fellow sober women, which completely changed how I viewed sobriety and viewed myself.
[00:17:44] And I really talk about my feelings now. I don't suppress things. I talk about my thoughts. I talk about my feelings with my husband, with my family, with my friends. I let it out again. Cue George Michael and Freedom. If you haven't listened to that song and you really want to boost yourself up today, go ahead, [00:18:00] put it in your ears.
[00:18:01] I stay sober today for the same reasons I drink. Bottom line, to calm my anxiety, to celebrate holidays, vacations, Friday nights, Sundays, and to manage my thoughts and feelings I stay sober for the same reasons I used to drink. I keep myself going.
[00:18:15] You keep yourself going. We can have an incredible support system, but at the end of the day, it's you and me that keep ourselves heading in the direction we want to be in. It's not always perfect. It's not linear. The time is passing no matter what we are doing and how we choose to spend it is always up to you and me.
[00:18:30] I choose to get older and stay sober and not do anything that stands in the way of my peace, my happiness, where I value my time, who I want to spend my time with.
[00:18:44] And not do anything that works against my personality. I want to really embrace this person. I was born to be. I'm still learning so much about her. How about you? You know, you're here because you're getting older. I know you're here probably because maybe you're interested in staying sober. My hope is that [00:19:00] in hearing my reflection today on getting older and staying sober that you have done a bit of reflection yourself and you can always go back and listen to this episode.
[00:19:08] If you're here because you're curious about going alcohol free later in life, or you're struggling with getting yourself in a place where you feel 100 percent confident this is a choice you want to make, it's written in stone, stay curious, my brave friend.
[00:19:21] Trust in the process. If you're already alcohol free and you're in a place where you're dealing with the regrets and guilt of your drinking, I am raising my hand to you. I am doing the same. If you're having a hard time accepting an alcohol free lifestyle forever into your life, focus on today.
[00:19:35] Give yourself a break from trying to forgive, accept, and have all the answers. It's not going to happen today. Let's get real. Over time, you're going to be able to let go of the idea that you have to have all of the answers to remain alcohol free and you're going to be okay with not yet forgiving yourself and accepting yourself as a non drinker and still not drink.
[00:19:56] I am with you. All the way. 100 percent 250 [00:20:00] and beyond will continue on until my 60th birthday on November 11, 2027, which I just Googled and it's a Thursday. So that's perfect timing because new episodes release on Wednesday, the same with Team Alcohol Free. This is a wonderful community of women who are building this really cool place for women to connect and get support as they transition into an alcohol free lifestyle and beyond.
[00:20:22] I believe in connection, community, and conversation as the main tools in staying sober. And most importantly, Fulfillment in a life where alcohol used to fill you up. We need that outside support. We're not getting it at home, we're not getting it with our friends and family. That's okay. We've got to have it somewhere.
[00:20:38] We've got to have that inspiration and that empowerment. And in making a long term commitment, this is what has helped me in making progress and building the podcast, building the podcast over time from 37 downloads in the first month to over half a million downloads today. Slow, sometimes brutally painful growth has been key for me in this business, not giving up because it's hard to build a [00:21:00] podcast in a community.
[00:21:00] It's hard. I am one person overnight success. Nope. Doesn't work in the business world either. I remind myself of this daily 2027 is not that far off. And if I look back on how quickly the past six years of the podcast. And my coaching have gone three and a half years. We'll be here before we know it. And there's still so much to learn that farce of overnight success of overnight knowing and understanding.
[00:21:25] You're supposed to know all of the ways to do things just doesn't happen. I'm still learning and I'm still growing. And if you've been here since the beginning again, thank you so much. You have seen me figure things out as I've gone and For today, I want to give you the permission to give yourself the permission to give yourself time to figure things out as you go on.
[00:21:45] Now, I say all of this without having any idea what the future will hold for me and my health and my life. I am giving myself a permission slip to change my mind and I'm very aware that life doesn't go according to plan. I hope this helps you. Listening to this [00:22:00] episode, knowing that you can commit to something, even publicly, and change your mind later on, which brings me to next week's episode, 25 permission slip ideas for midlife women.
[00:22:10] You've got to tune into this one. It's a good one. This is a topic that we got to talking about inside team alcohol free in January, permission slips. It was one of the best meetings we've had and it was such a great conversation. So I want to share some insights into giving yourself permission next week.
[00:22:27] So check back in with that episode in March, I have some shorter episodes coming your way.
[00:22:31] That is my goal. I'm preparing for new enrollment inside Team Alcohol Free. The doors will open on March 20th. I love the, the vision of just opening the doors and letting in beautiful, fun women who really want to have community and connection in their lives and really need that extra support and inspiration to continue on this journey to living alcohol-free.
[00:22:52] I've got some really fun things coming your way in 2024. , if you're interested in Team Alcohol Free, there's always a link in the show notes. Join my email community [00:23:00] and join the interest list. I send you out of this episode with such a big virtual hug again, so much appreciation for you for being here.
[00:23:07] We will meet back here to talk about permission slips and midlife. See you then my friend. Take care. Peace.
Related episodes:
How to Get Past “Forever Sober” Thinking with Co-Host’s Anne and Leigh Walkup
Why Drinking is Harder in Midlife Than Sobriety
Three Women Share Their Journey to Alcohol Freedom Later in Life
Help me spread the word!
There is another option besides drinking in midlife.
If you liked this episode and want to take a few minutes to support the podcast, I want to encourage you to leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts.
So many women out there don’t know there is an “alcohol-free” option and are struggling with their drinking.
Your support will help these women find the podcast this week and learn about an alcohol-free lifestyle later in life.
➡️Click here, scroll to the bottom of the page, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.”
I read my reviews and will hug you when I see yours.
Make sure to “follow” To 50 and Beyond to get all of the wonderful episodes coming your way. If you don’t click “follow," you will miss hearing what’s coming up.
Thank you!