25 “Permission Slips” For Midlife Women
In this episode, we’re exploring the concept of giving yourself permission as a daily practice.
Permission is generally tied to consent or authorization, often symbolized by a piece of paper. Most of us remember these from childhood when we needed to ask our parents and teachers for permission.
The idea of self-permission is linked with setting boundaries for yourself and others, allowing you to do what you want and stop doing what you don't want.
The overarching theme is that permission slips can be a fun practice to shake up the monotony of everyday life, leading to a sweet new ritual that protects your time and energy.
Today, as mid-lifers, we write our own permission slips.
What You’ll Hear:
An explanation of the concept of permission and why giving yourself permission matters in midlife and sobriety
Insights into the challenges of asking for permission from other midlife women and myself
How to give yourself permission verbally or internally, or by writing it down.
25 “Permission Slip” ideas to get you started. You can find these ideas here.
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The definition of permission is consent or authorization. Giving permission is the act of allowing someone to do something or allowing something to happen. And a permission slip is a little slip of paper that you would typically get from someone else, remember, back in the day. Permission slip from your parents to be absent from school or a permission slip from your teacher to use the bathroom or go to the nurse?
I'm feeling the feels with that one. We grew up asking for permission today as midlifers We write our own permission slips as a daily practice. It's going to be a fun episode. Hello there I am laurie massacott. I'm your host 250 and beyond is a podcast that I started Back in 2018 because I wanted to talk about the things that we don't talk about with our closest people like aging and our drinking and sobriety and menopause and all those fun topics.
If you're new to the podcast, hello, my new friend. If you're returning back to the podcast, thank you so much for coming on back. Today's episode is for [00:01:00] the gal who puts others first, tells herself she can wait until it's the perfect or better time to do what she wants to do or stop doing what she doesn't want to do.
And the gal who may be harboring a little resentment for not being able to do the things she wants to do, not have enough time for herself. I know gals are listening and they're thinking already, I have no problem doing what I want to do without giving or receiving permission. I aspire to be like you.
Stick around. You may hear an idea that you haven't thought about yet. Now, if you're already saying, Giving yourself a permission slip sounds so silly, or it's trendy because it is kind of trendy and being somebody who doesn't like to be trendy. I did that in the 80s. This is a good one. Let's let it be silly.
Let's let it be trendy and try it as a practice. If it wasn't good, I wouldn't be sharing it with you today. I wrote down 25 permission, slip ideas only for midlife women. This is the mid life women edition. I could have honestly done a hundred.
I could do this all day long. [00:02:00] Most of them have to do with living alcohol free in one way or another. You may not hear it, but it is like, for instance, sneak peek like number 13 on the list. I'm giving myself permission to take a mental health day when I feel like I'm pushing myself to the limit.
I'm going to call in sick, stay in bed, or go to my happy place so I can check in with myself, connect with myself before I wreck myself. That practice will help you in not getting to the end of the day or even sooner than drinking alcohol if you are working on your sobriety. You might be asking at this point, why permission slips?
Why not? Honestly, I was thinking about this. I always start the podcast with an outline. What, why, how I try to follow that. And I've done that for years. That's been my framework, as they say. And I think about why, why a permission slip? Why not? Why not a permission slip? And then also we're fun. We just have fun.
Let's let it be [00:03:00] fun. It could be a fun practice, something different to shake up the monotony of everyday life. Right. And then that fun. can lead into a really sweet new ritual where you give yourself a wonderful gift of protecting your time and your energy and you have more time to spend exploring this next chapter in life which also is Kind of trendy to say, but I really feel like we're writing these next chapters in our book and maybe my chapter is one page and I'm ready to flip the page and try something different.
Or maybe it's 25 pages or whatever. It's a long chapter. It's like right now, I'm in that place in my life where I want to shake things up a little bit, but I'm also content. And I'm really learning how to write my permission slips. This is not something that comes easy for me.
So bottom line, why a permission slip? Why not? Let's let it be for fun. And then also as a reminder, permission slips are setting boundaries with yourself and with others, and they're there to allow you to do whatever you want and stop doing the things you don't want to do. [00:04:00] And I am here for it. You can change your mind on a permission slip.
You can give yourself a permission slip at 8 a. m. to say. Why I'm going to after work, go to the gym and do an hour long workout. And by the end of the day, you get to that time.
You're like, you know what? I'm going to give myself permission to just go and do a 20 minute workout. Cause I'm not feeling it. It's a beauty of a permission slip, rip it up at any this is where the permission slip episode came from, because in January, I hosted a permission slip meeting inside my community team, alcohol free, we meet 2 to 3 times a week, Thursday night at 4 p.
m. Pacific, it's our meet up time, it's a very casual get together, and we have a topic that we talk about, and then we see where the conversation leads us, and it always takes us somewhere else when you get a group of midlife women together who open up and want to connect and make friends, And support each other.
It's a beautiful thing. By the way, doors open for enrollment on 2024 team alcohol free March 20th. So if you're on my email list, you will be [00:05:00] notified. If you're on the interest list, you will be notified. If not, I will tell you here on that day. I'm so excited to welcome in new members.
So everyone came to this meeting knowing the topics they always know when they schedule their meetings. They know what we're going to talk about, but they weren't exactly sure what a permission slip was all about, but they were intrigued as a good turnout and it ended up being such an insightful conversation.
And I started the meeting by asking, how do you feel about asking? Permission from someone and because it's like now we're asking ourselves. We're giving ourselves permission But we were also asking ourselves and most of us said we don't like it We don't like it for whatever reason for me. I fear rejection.
I don't want to hear no I don't want to have to need anyone's permission. And I think maybe that's what was happening. Even when I was younger, there's a little bit of a rebellious side with me. And when I think about giving myself permission, it feels so freeing to me and also a little awkward and a little silly, but that's okay.
I often stop myself when I'm thinking about doing something or not [00:06:00] doing something because I'm a classic overthinker and I say, either, what are you waiting for, who needs to give you permission for this is you're the only one right to slip, or who says like, if I'm thinking of doing something like, well, maybe I shouldn't grow my hair out because I'm getting older, maybe I shouldn't have long hair.
Who says. And that's just a really shitty example because I really don't care about that kind of stuff. But I'm just thinking of where I'm at right now. I'm growing my hair out and I'm saying, I don't know if this is going to be a good idea for me. So my hair is thin. It gets a little straggly when it gets longer.
You catch my drift. It's like, who is telling me that I can't or shouldn't do something and nobody is. It's up to us. It's up to us to say yes or no to what we want to do. It's like there is this faceless force that I have envisioned in my life that's just hovering over me, telling me what I can or should or can't or shouldn't do.
And I know that it comes from what I've told myself when I was younger, what I've heard from others, learned from authoritative figures, and what [00:07:00] I've gone along with for decades. And so that authority figure always. Is the thing that trips me up. I don't want to go along anymore.
How about you? I want to write my permission slip. I want to be the authority in my life, but I do go back to my childhood days. As I said in the beginning, I would rather pee my pants than have to raise my hand in class and ask the teacher for permission to go to the bathroom. And that is the God honest truth.
And I actually had a problem with it like in the fourth or fifth grade. I'm not going to go into details, but I held it wasn't a good idea, but I don't want, because the minute my hand goes up, everybody's eyes are on me asking for permission from my mom to miss school or P.
E. back in junior high. That was tough. Most of the time when I was a kid, I would fake it. Well, I'm too sick to go to school. I can remember a handful of times when I was legitimately sick. My mom would write a permission slip to my P. E. teacher often. Please excuse Lori from P. E. She has [00:08:00] cramps. That's classic.
Classic Carol Jean. She has cramps. Even if I didn't have cramps, she has cramps. Just nobody asks. She knew me like the back of her hand. She knew But I was feeling a little bit if I was sick and I wanted to stay home. She also worked full time taking care of two daughters on her own.
Didn't have the time in the morning to argue. So she always obeyed. She always wrote that permission slip for me. And I can just think back to having this fear of like, Oh gosh, I really don't want to go to school. And now I've got to convince mom to let me stay home. That's kind of what it feels like still to this day later in life.
Later in life when I got into my 20s and through my early 40s, I worked in the real estate industry and escrow and having to ask permission to take time off or call in sick. That makes me sick to my stomach. Just thinking about it. I rarely took time off or called in sick.
I had a boss that I've talked about before, maybe one or two episodes that stressed me out. I'm very intimidating. I think she wore that like a badge of honor. I worked for her for about 13 years and [00:09:00] she said to me one time, I don't trust people who don't take time off. And I thought I was doing like a really good thing.
Thought, oh, I'm a worker bee. I'm working really hard. I'm stressing out and going home and drinking my face off, but at the same time, she didn't trust people who didn't take time off. It didn't make it easy for you to ask to take time off.
So that's why I held myself back. So with all this said, I want you to ask yourself, how do you feel about asking for permission from others? How do you feel about giving permission? Others when they ask, I think that's a good point as well. If somebody asks me to do something, like let's say my son, I feel like well, maybe there's other people, but I feel like he is the one that would ask for something I feel good when he asks instead of just assuming or, you know, doing something and then not telling me
I appreciate giving permission, but if I have to ask for permission again, I don't like it. So before I dive into these 25 ideas, think about how you feel about giving yourself that permission slip. It's like setting and upholding a personal boundary. I like to think of [00:10:00] personal boundaries as a pact I make with myself where I can always change my mind.
Again, rip the slip up. The challenge here is, it does feel kind of silly, like I said, but you can move past that and try it out. And also if you're like me, I have all kinds of thoughts and beliefs about the things I should or shouldn't do, what's right or wrong or good or bad. I've been carrying these thoughts and beliefs around for pretty much most of my life.
To give myself permission, for example, is something that I struggle with daily, like taking an afternoon off because I came from a nine to five family. I worked a nine to five job for decades before I started working for myself. And it is such a trip for me to think about the fact that I haven't worked for anybody else since 2007, 17 years ago.
And I'm still struggling with this mentality that Because my husband has long work days that I should be working, like working from home, I'm very close to my bed when I love a nap, I'm very close to my [00:11:00] Netflix and the couch, I get my stuff done, I'm very responsible, I'm up early, I still feel the guilt in taking time off, it is such a trip, so you can give yourself permission.
Easily throughout the day by saying, I give you permission to fill in the blank, whatever it is, I give you permission, Barb, to take an afternoon off. I give you permission, Barb, to not go and buy alcohol today. So you can have a night where you're alcohol free and wake up tomorrow and feel really good about yourself.
Not for forever, just for today. Say it out loud to yourself. Say it internally, write it on a post it, or write an entire letter to yourself about what you will no longer permit yourself to do and not do in your journal, so you have it there as reference. As I read through my 25 ideas, make a mental note, or if you're in a place where you can write them down, go ahead and write them down.
I have listed them all in the show notes, and I will make like a PDF where you can just download it or screenshot it for yourself. Here we go. I give myself permission to [00:12:00] number one. Give myself permission to explore how giving myself permission feels so I try something new and see how it goes as an experiment which makes life more fun, interesting, and easier.
Number two, learn how to set in the discomfort of a craving to drink without drinking so that I can show myself I can do it and learn about what helps me work through a trigger and craving versus reaching for alcohol every time they hit. I give myself permission to pause instead of reacting
number three, be flaky. I give myself permission to be flaky. Cancel at the last minute if I'm not feeling it. Let go of the idea that I have to be everywhere and do everything so that I preserve my energy and stop getting through things I really don't want to do. Number four, tell myself I love you. I believe in you.
I know you can do it so that you stop being a mean girl and excuse your drinking or anything else you don't want to do that you're talking yourself into or out of. [00:13:00] Number five, I give myself permission to stand up for myself and say out loud what I feel and believe so that I stop holding on to resentment towards people and my circumstances.
Number six, own my choices. My choice not to drink, my choice of what I wear, who I spend my time with, what length my hair is, what I do with my time, where I live, and what I walk away from so that I honor and respect myself. Number seven, I give myself permission to embrace hygiene. Give it a hug. Stop comparing myself to others, especially others who are younger than me or others who are older than me and look better than me.
And also stop comparing myself to my younger self so that I enjoy life today. I am the youngest that I will ever be I want to accept myself and love myself as I am at this age. Number eight, I give myself permission to slow down and rest. So that I'm not walking through the day feeling like I'm up against a wall, which most of the time makes me want to drink.
I want to remind myself that it's [00:14:00] not selfish to rest, it's essential to rest and recharge my batteries and to let go of the guilt that comes from resting. There's a lot in that one. Number nine. I give myself permission to unsubscribe from anything.
Stresses me out. That doesn't serve me, including emails, podcasts, communities, and social media. If I'm not in a place where I can hear one more thing about sobriety, or improving my life, or saving money, or buying the next best thing, I'm going to give myself permission to do some soul searching and unsubscribe.
This includes unsubscribing from 250 and beyond. I love you, but if it's too much, and you know what, I'm not for everyone, I get it. Number 10, I give myself permission to say no without apologizing or go on a 10 minute explanation tour about why I'm saying no, so that I get in the habit of saying no sooner and avoid the dread and worry that comes with saying yes to things that I do not want to do.
11. I give [00:15:00] myself permission to feel how I feel without saying it's good or bad, so that I learn to give myself a break from thinking I have to change my feelings by drinking or escaping life, and instead, learn how to be with my feelings as they are. Remind myself that feelings mean I'm alive and I'm human.
And that's always something to be grateful for. Number 12, call a 10 minute walk or workout. I'll a 10 minute walk, a workout or exercise so that I stopped stressing myself out with the fact that I may not have a lot of time or I may not have the energy one day, but if I could take a 10 minute walk and exercising and I'm moving my body, which helps me reduce anxiety and stress.
And it really helps right in my mood throughout the day.
And number 13, as I said in the beginning, I give myself permission to take a mental health day when I feel like I'm pushing myself to the limit, fall in sick, and stay in bed, or go to my happy place so that I check myself and connect with [00:16:00] myself before I wreck myself. Number 14.
Stop buying shit I don't need. Just because I heard about it from an influencer on Instagram or my next door neighbor, the Joneses. So that I put my money toward what I value, including saving it for a rainy day. Number 15. I give myself permission not to respond immediately to emails, texts, and requests for me to drop everything I'm doing or not doing and attend to someone else's agenda.
As long as it's not a true emergency, so that I remind myself that I matter, what I'm doing or not doing matters, and I'm not going to subscribe to other people's wants and needs before my own. Number 16, I give myself permission to be proud of myself and the small changes I'm making. As a reminder, I'm making progress and I deserve to celebrate this progress, so I stop telling myself I'm making none, which unmotivates me, doesn't inspire me, and causes me to either backstab or go on to the next big thing.
Number 17, I give [00:17:00] myself permission to ask for help and support. And slash or delegate so that I'm not constantly doing everything around the house that I'm not constantly doing everything at work, and I don't get to the end of the day completely zoned out with my own life and want to turn to a big old glass of wine to take it all away.
I'm going to give myself permission today to practice asking for help because I know that's not an easy one. I'm going to practice asking for help or putting forth delegation in my life. Number 18. I give myself permission to forgive someone so that I let go of ruminating about what they did or didn't do at 2 a.
m So that I sleep better and add more good vibes and energy to my day Number 19 put myself permission to forgive myself as an act of self care and compassion and love so that I stop carrying around things That I can't change or take back. It may not even be mine anymore to carry number 20 I give myself permission to say yes to things that scare me, step outside of my comfort zone, and try [00:18:00] something new so that I meet new people and add some spice to my life.
Number 21, go into something I'm fearful of with the expectation that I may fail, and I will also learn so that I do the damn thing instead of waiting for a perfect day that may never come. I'm going to say that probably will never come. Number 22, we're getting to the end. I give myself permission to listen to my body, eat more if I'm hungry, or stop eating if I'm full .
So that I honor my hunger and eliminate the fatigue I feel from under eating and the regret I feel from overeating. Number 23, break up and let go of one sided relationships with people and alcohol so that I stop feeling alone, rejected, and ashamed that I keep hanging on. Number 24, I give myself permission to start over and embrace another day one with more wisdom and experience than the first day one as a fresh start so that I don't give up.
I learn and I grow and I try it again. Number 25 [00:19:00] I give myself permission to let life be hard and confusing and messy so that I stop expecting life to be easy and clear and perfectly curated, give myself grace and a more realistic perspective of my human experience. There you have it. 25 permission slip ideas for midlife women. My dear friend, if you've made it this far in the episode, you listened, I know you've got ideas floating around in your beautiful head of what you want to give yourself permission to do.
Start now, right out today, do something really cool for yourself and just see how it goes. And then I want to challenge you to email me and share what you gave yourself permission to do or not to. Click that email address in the show notes. It's very easy. Hello, Laurie, lauriemascot. com. You can go to my website, click the contact button. I want to hear from you and what you practice giving yourself permission from your thoughts, your ideas on giving yourself permission.
I want to see how many listeners I hear from on this one.
If [00:20:00] you would like to stay in touch and get updates about enrollment into team alcohol free.
It is coming March 20th and I have a fun free resource that I'm working on right now. I hope to have it done by March 13th for that episode. Stay tuned, but join my email community cause you're going to get it there first. That is also linked in the show notes.
One last idea. Give yourself permission to give yourself a big old hug and consider it from me. Me to you. I thank you for listening. I will see you next week with a new interview with Angela Pugh of Addiction Unlimited, who is joining the podcast to talk about how she maintains long term sobriety, how AA changed her life and how she managed the change of life using her sobriety tools.
I did this interview yesterday with Angela. It ended up being over an hour. There's so many topics in it. I'm not even sure what I'm going to call it yet, but it's a good one. So you don't want to miss that. Make sure you're subscribed to the podcast on your favorite podcast app.
I'll see you then. Take care of yourself. Peace.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
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