Escaping Without Drinking Alcohol
Have you ever heard the saying: Create a life that you don’t need to escape?
It puts pressure on us to have a perfect life without any stress or reasons to want to shut everything down and escape.
I appreciate and plan a reprieve daily to help manage my stress and overall well-being.
As a thirty-year drinker and a woman who used alcohol as a life management tool, I share my favorite ways to escape without drinking alcohol.
Alcohol doesn't eliminate our problems; it just gives us a misleading view of reality and our abilities—without needing alcohol.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why it's okay to want to escape sometimes and how to do it without alcohol
The potential benefits of healthy escapes and how they differ from alcohol-induced ones
Strategies for overcoming the need to escape by drinking
Healthy escape alternatives specifically tailored for midlife women
The importance of creating a personalized, alcohol-free escape plan for long-term well-being
Resources mentioned:
Join Team Alcohol-Free before enrollment closed 11/15/24
Reclaim Self-Comfort From Alcohol, Episode #300
The First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston
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Escaping Without Drinking Alcohol
[00:00:00] Have you ever heard the saying create a life that you don't need to escape? The quote has been said in different ways by different people and what I get from it is you shouldn't have to escape your life.
Every day should be perfect. You don't need a reprieve. There's no stress. And I just don't believe that even though I have said that on the podcast in the past. even have a whole episode around it, which it's a wonderful interview, but that was the title of the podcast.
It was really about, you know, creating an alcohol-free lifestyle and finding ways to manage life without drinking. But I'm going to say today for this episode, we are coming together to talk about finding ways to escape as a way of taking care of yourself and without drinking alcohol.
With the holidays among us and election week here. I know there are plenty of reasons to want to escape. I am feeling them too. But alcohol doesn't take anything away it only creates a false perspective of your [00:01:00] reality and what you can do for yourself I have learned this over the past 11 years in being a sober woman.
I started drinking at 14. I quit at 45 and I was not managing much on my own. I would turn to alcohol in many different areas of my life, I want to have this conversation with you because I feel like there's a lot of shame that comes with This idea that I need a reprieve and there are a lot of challenges for midlife women.
We're not making enough time for ourselves. We're not prioritizing ourselves. We're spreading ourselves thin. And of course, again, with the holidays coming up, I want to talk about this topic today to help you create a plan that helps you exhale at the end of the day and permit yourself to zone out.
But not check out or numb out by drinking alcohol. I am Lori Massicot. I am the founder of Team Alcohol-Free. I'm the midlife sobriety coach. And I am so happy that you are here. Before we start this episode, I have to tell [00:02:00] you, Team Alcohol-Free, if you are new to the podcast, or if you've heard me talk about it before, it is a wonderful welcoming community for midlife women at the beginning stages of living alcohol free.
four plus years of alcohol freedom. It's judgment free. There's daily inspiration. There's practical guidance. It's a small enough place where you can get on meetings. You do not have to talk or be on video where you can really get one on one support from me in a group setting. I am there for you. I have put so much love and effort into this community.
We started in 2023 in April. This is after many, many groups that I have coached since 2018. I've learned so much from women in this community and I have some really incredible updates coming to the community in 2025. If you want to join the 2024 team, Enrollment and pricing all of it is going away on November 15th I will not be back to open enrollment until January 6th So if you need [00:03:00] holiday support if you need a plan to kick start your January I would recommend going and joining now.
It's a one time enrollment right now, which means you get long time support we will work together at the end of the year. I have a fun countdown event happening December 26th. I haven't told anybody in the community what is coming. I'm going to be releasing our theme for 2025, all of the updates starting November 18th.
So if you want to get inside and find out what is coming, go and check out Team Alcohol Free or lauriemassacott. com. It's linked down below in the show notes. I will welcome you there with open arms. Let's get this topic started. We are all going through something in life. Life is hard, full of ups and downs.
If you're not taking time to reprieve from the stressors, you're making time to let them fester. That was a good one. If you're not taking time to escape the stressors, you're making time to let them fester. I didn't realize that that rhymed until right now. And as a fellow [00:04:00] festerer, I still avoid things in my life.
I still let the stressors fester. But I'm not drinking them away anymore. The more I drank to escape, the more I numbed myself. And this is what we're doing. We're numbing not just the painful parts and the bad parts. We're numbing the good parts. Numbing out means avoiding, not dealing with, and when you numb with alcohol, you disconnect from yourself.
To escape means to temporarily break free from reality, routine, or difficult situations. It's caring for yourself in ways that help you relax and unwind and disconnect from the outside world, not yourself.
As a disclaimer, I am not a therapist. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a counselor. I have personal experience with this. I am not promoting escapism. I'm not promoting avoidance. There are real risks to that. What I am suggesting is that we look at scheduling time for ourselves, maybe throughout the day to take breaks.
To let ourselves, maybe [00:05:00] daydream and stare, and to think about life and to reflect. So we are managing our well being throughout the day. We're managing our stress levels. I realize there are a lot of challenges for midlife women taking time for themselves. You know, a lot of women are keeping the balls up in the air. They're taking care of others. They're working. They've got families. There's a lot going on in there. It's like, I don't know. Oh, I don't have time. I don't have time throughout the day to take time for myself. And so you get to the end of the day and it's like, I need to breathe. I have not exhaled all day long. And I talk about this in my self comfort episode, which this is an extension of, I'm going to link that episode down below as well.
We have to prioritize exhaling throughout the day. We have to prioritize finding relief. And I'm going to say it is a okay, having a plan for yourself that allows you to exhale starts with things you enjoy doing that make you feel comforted.
I need a reprieve daily, and I give myself a reprieve daily because it does help me [00:06:00] manage my mental health, and then that helps me to sleep better, so yes, I love a good reprieve, and I will talk about what I do to reprieve in this episode, but it is a natural human need, and if we are resisting it, Then we're going to continue to let things fester, and we're going to need that quick escape that alcohol gives you, and I'm going to give it that.
It does. It provides that quick escape. I enjoyed it for such a long time. I really thought that it was working. I used it as a life management tool, and what it left me with was questioning my ability to do life without it. When I was 45, I thought, I can't do this. What am I going to do? When I'm anxious, what am I going to do when I'm stressed?
What am I going to do when my husband's bugging me or I feel awkward around people socially? What will I do? And that held me back from quitting for a couple of years. I could escape by myself or in a room full of people. I enjoyed that feeling of being on a different realm with my friends and [00:07:00] family.
If we were drinking, we went to that place where we felt more connected and we had more fun, or so I thought. And so there's different ways that we use alcohol to escape. And we can do it on our own, and we can do it with groups of people.
My drinking was not sustainable, which is one of the many reasons I stopped drinking. I couldn't sustain drinking less or drinking more. The stress and worry of my drinking was causing me to want to escape more and more, which led to the numbing. And that is a risky place to be. The downside of escaping with alcohol is that disconnection from yourself and your capabilities.
Like if I'm having a bad day and alcohol has proven to come in and take it all away. Well, That's going to be the option. . When you use alcohol as a coping mechanism, There's not a lot of growth there because it does, it comes in and says I got you, I got your back.
Now when you stop drinking you step into that main character energy, the only person that has your back is you, because at the end of the day it's me and me and you and you, right? Like I have [00:08:00] people in my life that support me, but man, I got to keep things. Managed in my life on my own. Nobody else can do that for me.
I could use the support. Sure. But I like to manage things on my own and all of the things that I used to drink about and over are the reasons why I stay sober today, because not only did alcohol numb the pain and take it away for a short amount of time, it also numbed the joy.
That's the real drawback of wanting to escape by drinking alcohol. And then, of course, we develop more of a dependency.
We have unresolved issues. We have no idea what is going on. That emotional suppression instead of processing emotions, boy, we're just pushing them down further and further, at the end of the day, when you're using alcohol to escape or comfort yourself, like I talked about in my self comfort episode, it really provides a false sense of relief.
Let's not do the faux shit anymore. Let's find the real stuff.
The things that I said to myself when I wanted to escape with alcohol were, give [00:09:00] me a drink. I need a drink. I deserve a drink. When I said these things, it was code for, I can't handle what is going on without alcohol, or alcohol is the only way I can reward myself for really anything. I didn't need a reason to reward myself with alcohol.
I'm going to give alcohol props for giving me many moments where I could exhale after the first step. I felt relief. After that first step is when I called my wine fantasies. They started kicking in. Life is good. Tomorrow I will start or stop. I will do better.
This is going away. This was not that big of a deal. This is the thing too, I want to say right now, because in case I forget. When I was drinking, I could easily take something that was like the end of the world and drink about it. And after a couple of glasses, be like, that's not that big of a deal, right?
Now I can do it without the alcohol, by asking myself, what is really happening right now? And I'm going to walk you through some prompts in just a minute. But like, really working that out without drinking alcohol.
So [00:10:00] that first sip was good. First glass, couple of glasses. Third, the last sip is why I stopped drinking.
The last sip made me feel sad because the alcohol was gone and anxious because I was reentering reality. Everything I was trying to escape from was coming in hard and fast. The reentry made me wake up in the middle of the night loathing myself, realizing that alcohol didn't help me escape. At the end of my drinking and the two years I was trying to moderate and place rules, Why did you do it again? My drinking made my reality so much worse. And I didn't realize that until after I stopped drinking. I drank on Sundays. Sunday scaries. It's a thing. So Sunday scaries is where you are, you know, they say Sunday fun day, like Sunday fun day in my twenties.
That was fun in my thirties. Not really, maybe early thirties, late thirties, forties. No, it was not fun. I was drinking to escape the week ahead and [00:11:00] I thought it was so bad and I just didn't want to think about it. I was nervous about going to work when I had a career where I was working for somebody else.
Then I had my own business. I was nervous about the week ahead and all the jobs that I had to do. So I would drink and drink and drink on Sunday thinking that I was making it better. And wow, one of the reasons that I can. Reassure myself that I don't want to drink again is Sunday evening around 7 p.
m. That is when those scaries came rushing back in the alcohol was gone. There was no more to drink now. I had to get ready to go to sleep and try to sleep so I can wake up Monday. Get my son ready for school. Do all of my responsibilities at home, get to work, do my job that I was worried about. That Sunday night at 7pm, I never want to feel that way again.
I had 99 problems back then and adding alcohol to the mix made it 100 [00:12:00] straight up. Now I have 99 problems and alcohol is not one of them. Cause it never solved a damn thing in my life and I always want to be so honest with you I got a lot of compassion for women who are going through this and also I have a lot of belief in you to be able to manage life on your own without alcohol it's challenging and I don't think because I live an alcohol free lifestyle that I have everything figured out I'm still working on things in my own life we got to be honest with ourselves and each other
Life is happening whether we are drinking or not.
Why would you want to escape your life or why would you want to numb out your life? I could just like picture somebody saying that to me back in the day.
I can picture the person who would have said this to me back in the day. And going back to that quote, it made me feel like you shouldn't want to escape. That makes me feel on the outside and shameful. , that I do need a reprieve daily.
Life is hard. There is sadness and loss and pain and in midlife, we are experiencing the challenges of life on another [00:13:00] level, which is why I will continue to support midlife women and remind you , this is the time that is essential to support yourself without drinking.
But hearing somebody say, why would you want to escape your life? It's kind of like okay, Barb, your life must be perfect. But mine is not. I need a reprieve. And here I am. I'm validating that fact and I am giving you and myself permission to cut the BS with ourselves and say, I need to prioritize this for me because this is going to help me stay alcohol free
there are benefits to wanting to escape. Stress relief. Of course, we need breaks from daily stressors. That's what it's all about. A mental reset. This gives you time to clear your mind. You gain different perspectives. I'm going to tell you about how I do that today. It's a creativity boost. When I am sitting working all day and I'm creating mind drama and everything feels hard and Probably because I didn't sleep well the night before I can just get up and move turn on [00:14:00] some tunes Turn on something fun to watch and I get that spark back and I can get back into it.
That's my escape Escaping without drinking also gives us a great chance at self discovery and finding those ways that we can grow and take care of ourselves and reflect on our progress as we go without drinking. I need quiet and reprieve daily. How about you? As I was making notes for this episode. I remembered the cow gone commercial from the seventies cow gone.
Take me away It's like a bubble bath or I think they had like moisturizers What am I trying to say? Body wash, maybe do they still have cow gone? I don't know, but I did do my research and watch that commercial and if you do not know what I'm talking about. Just Google 70s Calgon take me away commercial.
From that Calgon commercial, the gal says, the traffic, the boss, the baby, the [00:15:00] dog Calgon take me away. And then the 70s announcer comes in, lose yourself in luxury. And she's in a bathtub with bubbles. And I went back, I watched it for the second time to make sure there was no wine glass there.
There's no wine glass. She was just inside this luxurious bubble bath, relaxing at the end of the day because of the traffic, the boss, the baby, the dog, like all of those things. I love just the idea of losing yourself in a way that really makes you feel like you're caring for yourself and that's what that gal looked like because she was like, Go watch it. It's kind of a funny commercial, especially if you remember it'll take you right back.
And also when I was thinking about this commercial, I said, Chardonnay take me away. Alcohol helped me escape from whatever I was trying to escape and normally it was stress, anxiety, my job, thoughts of being a bad mom, , a bad wife, a bad person.
I mean, I had all of those negative thoughts about myself and I did lose myself in Chardonnay quite literally and I ended up at [00:16:00] 45 the night I stopped drinking not knowing who I was and wasn't and what I wanted or what in the hell I was even trying to drink away and That's why I say I didn't realize these things until after I stopped drinking because when alcohol was in the picture and I was drinking I was not paying attention to it You don't have to drink like me or anyone else to use alcohol as an escape one glass is enough for some Takes the edge right off others like myself need more.
It's that Well, one is good enough. It takes me to this realm where my problems don't seem as problematic. What would two do? How about three? Then I was in that numbing and browning out phase and I was there, but I wasn't, I wasn't feeling a damn thing. And I abandoned my capabilities when I was drinking.
Where I am today. And this is where I want you to check in with yourself. I want to feel it all.
I want to experience life, the hard stuff, the good stuff. I want to be present for it. I need sustainability in my life. I need things that I know are practical that I can do for [00:17:00] myself. And I want to know that I am capable of managing life without drinking alcohol. And I continue to work on that. I have grieved sober and not sober. And the difference was huge because I think of grieving and losing people in my life as the worst thing.
That could possibly happen. I know when my mom was sick with cancer, it was only nine months from diagnosis to her passing. I numbed out by drinking more and more right up to drinking by her deathbed. I didn't grieve. I stuffed it down. So when I quit drinking a few years later, the rush of emotions came in hot and almost unbearable to handle.
And I learned ways in the beginning that were really helpful to me and that I've talked about from the beginning of this podcast was really writing about how I felt in my journal hashing things out. Like, I like to say I can easily escape into my journal. That is something that really helps me today.
And my favorite daily escape that I started doing at 45 is the. Being at the gym. I am in my zone. I am with my people at least four times a week at 6 30 a. m. To [00:18:00] 7 30 a. m. I put in my earbuds and crank up my tunes and I'm gone. Don't interrupt me. Don't talk to me. Sure I smile. I give a little nod. to the peeps at the gym.
I don't know them, but it's like, I see you. You're here. I love it. I'm a badass at that time of day and it cranks up my confidence and it gets me centered on who I am. I don't work out to be skinny anymore. I work out to be mentally strong, which is what I had always dreamed of during my wine fantasies.
The big picture is not to quit drinking or break up with alcohol, deprive yourself and miss out. It's to start living life authentically, build a better relationship with yourself, be in on that so you don't miss out on that with where you are, and step into those rules that alcohol played.
That is where freedom lies and peace and permission to escape and take care of yourself. It takes time. To do this, it really does. It takes time. And if you feel like you are struggling and you feel like you've been working on this for a really long time, I hope that you will give yourself [00:19:00] more time without alcohol.
Other things that you can do for yourself. Definitely getting support. Professional or other, having a support network is huge. Somebody that you can talk to one person, having more compassion and patience with yourself, of course, and always acknowledging where you are when you have that need to escape and asking yourself, what am I trying to escape right now? Get clear on it. Pause before responding. It's one of the best tools that we can learn and use regularly for other areas of our lives.
I'm going to pause and ask myself some better questions before I pour that drink. Where is the need to escape coming from? What is going on in my life right now? Can I be with this without drinking? How can I not be with this without drinking?
That's a good question, too. Like, how can I find a different sustainable approach to this, because is drinking going to be the answer continually? Is alcohol going to change the situation? Get to a place where you can get a [00:20:00] better understanding of what is going on, and then
ask yourself what you need, whether it be stress relief, it could be I need to eat. Couldn't be I need to drink some water. I need to take a nap. I need to rest I need to talk to somebody and some other healthier ways to manage life and have that reprieve and have that time for yourself where you're just like Calgon, take me away.
Of course, a bubble bath. Yes, if you're into it, a bubble bath is great, if that helps you. I'm going to encourage you though, before I start to give you ideas, is to make a list for yourself and use this as inspiration. Some of my favorites are conversation with old friends. Two of them, In particular, that I can call and we talk and it's just like, I'm out of my mind.
I am out of the stress or whatever I was experiencing. They get me in a good mood. It's a good hit of dopamine. I plan something like watching TV.
That is something that I will do or [00:21:00] sitting, staring. I like a good stare. I can just sit and just stare. And look at something. Typically right now, I look at my dog Frankie Blue. We can have a good staring contest. Just something that helps me check out.
My son Spence and I are watching Survivor, and we also watch The Real Housewives, and The O. C. is giving me life right now. . I try not to be on my phone too much. I do like journaling and daydreaming. That is something that really is helpful for me, and I'll just write things down in my journal and look back at things that I've already written.
If you're somebody who likes meditation, the Insight Timer app is my go to. . There are tons of courses on there and meditations that you can download and that are really helpful during that time where you feel like you need a little bit of an escape. Reading works for me. I'm reading right now a book called The First Lie Wins and in Team Alcohol Free we're reading The Little Book of Hygge by Mike Wiking and that's just a really cute [00:22:00] book and it's full of all kinds of ideas to provide more cozy comfort in your life.
A lot of women that I have worked with in the past love creating you don't have to be crafty to be crafty, but expressing yourself like writing, like I just had mentioned in your journal, some favorites that I have heard puzzles, mixed media, collage, paint by numbers, do a lingo, which is an app.
You can learn a new language. Doodling, coloring, baking, sourdough bread, morning pages, quilting, photography, diamond art. These are all ways that you can really get into something and it will take your mind off the things that maybe you're worried about. What about a color walk? This is where you choose a color before you go out for a walk and you focus on finding that color. So today you could choose green. That would be really easy. Or you could choose maybe something that's not so easy, purple
but it's like taking your mind off of the day and whatever is happening.
Lastly, [00:23:00] anything physical for me always helps. You know, we got the walk. I talked about the gym. Dancing brings me joy. You want to get that joy and endorphins. You can turn on your favorite song in a matter of minutes. You can escape into that song and shake off some of the nerves or shake off the worries and concerns of the day and give yourself a way to readjust and get re centered.
Again, the things that work best for you are the things that you enjoy. Look at it as I'm going to really learn more about myself and I'm going to create a project around finding ways that I can escape and have that time for myself.
Without the guilt, everybody's going to be okay. I'm going to have a reprieve for myself daily, maybe multiple times throughout the day, and I'm going to learn the things that I enjoy doing that help me exhale and feel like I am relaxing and taking care of myself. I'll see you soon. More reprieve, less festering my friend.
, there's always going to be a reason to escape. When you step into [00:24:00] that role that alcohol played for you and you validate, yes, it helps me to a certain point. Now I'm stepping into this role.
That is you giving yourself an opportunity to find other ways to have that relief in your life without alcohol. drinking alcohol. And I am here with you. Just know that I know it was difficult for me, but I have found ways and I continue to find ways. And if you're struggling, you can always email me and just tell me and let me know.
I'm there. I listen and I always respond to my emails. And if you want to work with me privately, we can do that. One on one coaching is available for a six week opportunity. That's going to start either late December or early January. You can email me as well. And I would suggest going and checking out team alcohol free.
If you really want to be part of a group and you want to have coaching, you want to work with me in that setting. It's a great way to. Really finish out the rest of the year and start the year with a plan that works for you. Take care of yourself this week my friend. Peace
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
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