Life After Alcohol: Navigating Your Kitchen and Grocery Store
EPISODE #354
If you're finding it challenging being in your kitchen, cooking, or grocery shopping without drinking or buying alcohol, you are not the only one. If you're shoulding yourself, thinking this shouldn't be difficult, or feeling like it's ridiculous that going to the grocery store is hard, there is no ridiculousness in going from drinking to living alcohol-free.
Before I decided to go alcohol-free, I thought that get togethers, brunches, wineries, restaurants, vacations, and concerts would be my biggest challenges after 30 years of drinking. How would I ever navigate them without a drink in my hand?
What I didn't expect was feeling uncomfortable and stressed about going grocery shopping or being in my kitchen.
Full transparency, my husband and I have been together since 1997 and he does most of the cooking, so the kitchen wasn't as difficult for me. But I was doing the shopping after I quit drinking, willy-nilly, no list, no meal plan, spending hundreds of dollars a month on alcohol between the two of us while we were drinking.
Trader Joe's was where I bought my alcohol on a Saturday. I can still feel it from time to time when I walk into a Trader Joe's. It's the memory that comes up and says, oh yes, you used to love buying alcohol here.
So much of what we enjoy when it comes to drinking is around the anticipation of drinking, and of course getting the relief that comes with that first sip. For many women it's a treat and a reward they look forward to, and that's what it was for me. I looked forward to buying alcohol almost as much as I looked forward to drinking it. It was a ritual to peruse the bottles slowly with that sense of reward and romanticism.
I've heard similar thoughts and feelings from women throughout the years. The kitchen is a place where alcohol is stored and oftentimes displayed, along with her favorite glasses, and after she stops drinking it can feel like a place to avoid altogether. There can even be a sense of sadness there. Going to the grocery store to pick things up throughout the week can feel like an act of willpower instead of just an errand.
One of the best reminders you can give yourself is this. It won't always be like this. It's just for now. Learning how to respond differently to a craving or a memory of drinking or buying alcohol takes time and intention.
Why It's Hard: A Short Look at Habit Formation
Ultimately, both the kitchen and the grocery store are the cue that triggers the craving to drink, and that craving motivates the routine. When the routine is rewarded with alcohol, whether drinking it or buying it, the brain reinforces the association between that cue and that behavior, making it more likely to occur again and again.
After you go alcohol-free, the cue will be there. Walking into your kitchen at a certain time of day, let it be there. The craving to drink will come and go, let it. You can't change the cue or the craving overnight, so focus on what you can change, which is your response. This is where you get to build new routines that make living alcohol-free feel more natural over time.
When you decide to go alcohol-free, your routines will need to change if you want to stay alcohol-free. I learned pretty early on that I didn't need to prove to myself or anyone else that I could live the same exact life I did while drinking. I needed to change things up so I could stay sober.
There are things I won't do today, like make my spaghetti sauce or chili with alcohol in it or buy alcohol. Period. I'm not testing myself around alcohol at 12 years sober. I don't need to.
If you've been at this for a while and you're still finding it difficult, there's no timeline here. You're growing through this. This is the transition, the middle part, this is where the work is happening. Keep moving forward without drinking alcohol because you're going to get to the other side of it.
Making Your Kitchen Alcohol-Free Friendly
Make your kitchen alcohol-free friendly as an act of proactiveness. You setting yourself up in a space you are in daily is you saying, I've got my back and I'm going to protect and support myself here.
This is your time to literally wipe the slate clean. Clean out and organize your pantry and fridge, add in grab and go snacks, sweet treats, and foods you enjoy eating that give you energy. Eating throughout the day, especially if hunger is a cue for you, is necessary. My favorite grab and go snacks to stave off hunger are nuts, protein bars, rice cakes, popcorn, bone broth, carrots, and an apple with almond butter.
After you wipe the slate clean, add fresh flowers to the counter, a candle, a fruit bowl, or a candy dish with your favorite hard candy to further represent your alcohol-free lifestyle. You walk into the kitchen and see those fresh flowers you bought yourself on the counter and it reminds you, I don't drink here anymore.
Finding Your Alcohol-Free Beverage Ritual
Have fun experimenting with n/a beverages that you will look forward to pouring in your glass. You don't have to do faux alcohol and I don't recommend it if you feel like it will drive your motivation to drink the real stuff.
I drink very simply. Coffee in the morning, water throughout the day, sparkling water, and my favorite ritual, a good ice cold mini diet coke over ice at 3:30 or 4pm every day. It gives me a little boost at that time of day when I need it and I look forward to it every single day.
The ritual of pouring something in your glass is very real, so freshen up your glassware. This is a tip from many women I know. Buy new glassware that represents your alcohol-free lifestyle. Take a trip to Home Goods or Anthropologie, they have the best glassware and mugs. Treat yourself to one beautiful glass that alcohol will never touch.
Know Your Drinking Window
Continue being proactive by getting clear on exactly what time of day is most challenging and when you feel most comfortable being in the kitchen.
For example, the kitchen at 4pm is challenging because that is when you start cooking dinner and used to enjoy a glass of alcohol. The kitchen at 8:30pm isn't as challenging because you don't drink past 8pm anyway.
I call this the drinking window. Prepare for your drinking window by writing down a simple plan for yourself daily.
At 4pm, enjoy one of your n/a beverages in your special glass. Chop up some veggies and make a dip to snack on while you cook. Or if you just don't feel like cooking, order out or join a meal delivery service so you can get in and out of the kitchen quickly.
The Late Night Kitchen
If being in the kitchen late at night after dinner, watching your favorite show you used to drink with, is a bit challenging, have something you'll look forward to. The anticipation of something good at the end of the day is really important after removing alcohol.
Typically between 6:30 and 7pm I look forward to having Skinny Pop popcorn, or if I'm low on protein for the day, I mix Oikos low sugar yogurt with a scoop of vanilla protein powder, a little sugar free Cool Whip, and a drizzle of Lily's chocolate chips on top. Do I need it? Sometimes. I want it, I look forward to it, and I love it.
If you don't want to eat later in the evening, try brushing your teeth earlier, going to bed earlier, those two things are favorites with women, or do some kind of craft that keeps your hands busy.
Grocery Shopping with Intention
If you are standing in front of the fridge at 4pm or 6pm and don't know what you're going to make for dinner, this is where feeling stressed, tired, and overwhelmed can be a trigger. This is where intentional grocery shopping changes everything.
I'm not assuming you grocery shop without a meal plan or a list, but if you don't, or you feel like you could plan and shop with more intention, after you remove alcohol is a great time to make intentional shopping a habit.
The goal is to have an idea of what you will eat throughout the week, a few meals you can rotate so you have items on hand. This can result in less waste, save money, and mean fewer trips to the grocery store, which means fewer chances to be around alcohol, just for now.
I have a main grocery list because we buy the same things all the time. Every Friday or Saturday morning I check my inventory, edit the list, and we shop from there. Repetition is key for me. It is the thing I have needed most in my life that I was trying to avoid because I thought it was boring, but at 58, maintaining my weight, making life simpler, and not standing at the fridge wondering what we're going to eat has been really helpful.
Do what works best for you, but a list will help you spend less time shopping and be more intentional in the kitchen as well.
Add Reminders to Your List
When you're ready to create your list, at the very top write, this is for me because I'm doing the work to stay alcohol-free, and then write in something you're going to purchase for yourself while you're out. Flowers, ice cream, something special.
That reminder at the top is what you'll see when you're moving through the store. And throughout your list, write notes to yourself. I'm proud of myself. I've got my back. I can and I will do this. And at the bottom of the list, two words. Yay me.
Nothing beats that self pride.
More Grocery Shopping Tips
Know yourself. Go when you're in good energy and the right mindset. Don't go when you're tired, hungry, or you just have that feeling in your heart and soul that now is not a good time to be in the place where your alcohol is.
Skip it if it's not a good time. Order your groceries online and have them delivered. This is you protecting yourself. You don't have to test yourself.
On the way to the store, listen to your favorite podcast, meditation, or music that relaxes you or pumps you up. Some of my favorites for this particular situation are Freedom by George Michael, Respect by Aretha Franklin, and I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
In the store, pop your earbuds in and listen to something that centers you.
When you get home, put your groceries away and give yourself a pat on the back every single time. You did that.
Repetition, having a main list, and knowing that your kitchen can be and will be your safe place by being more intentional there means you will think about alcohol in those places less and less over time. It gets easier and you will get there.
Thank you for listening. If you have a question you need an answer to, please send me an email.
Hey, there! I’m Lori, the host of the To 50 and Beyond podcast.
Where aging and living alcohol-free are celebrated.
To 50 and Beyond is about self-discovery, living for today, and designing an alcohol-free life that alcohol can’t compete with.
I’m with you.
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