What I Needed to Hear When I Quit Drinking
Episode 284
A short and sweet episode for you today where I reflect on what I needed to hear before I stopped drinking.
One of the things I needed to hear before I quit drinking wasn't easy to hear, but it was the catalyst for me to get to sobriety two years later.
This episode goes out to those brave souls standing at the crossroads of sobriety. It is a nudge, not a push, to listen to more of what you're saying to yourself because chances are that is what you need and deserve to hear today.
Mentioned in this episode:
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[00:00:00] Hey there. Welcome to To 50 and beyond. I am so happy that you're here. I am Lori Massicot the Midlife Sobriety coach and founder of Team Alcohol Free, which is opening for 2024 enrollment next week, March 20th. I also have a super cool freebie for you. It's the daily sobriety toolkit. I said last week that I was going to have it ready today.
I actually didn't mean that cause it is ready. I'm just not releasing it until next week or maybe over the weekend. So if you are listening to this in real time, you're not on my email list. Email list. You can join in the show notes or you can visit lori maico.com also in the show notes to join my email community, so you get the freebie and then also you get a notification when the door's open for Team Alcohol Free.
It's an online community. It's a supportive community. So many caring, cool women in this community, and I'm going to be welcoming in new women coming in. So this is a great time to join when you are at that place with new members where you can meet and say, hello, new friend. And we're all in this thing [00:01:00] together.
This episode is what I needed to hear. 3867 days ago, which is how many days it's been since my last drink. This is what I want to share with you today. And I want to do this episode because it would have been so nice to hear insights from a woman who was already sober back in 2013. I missed out on that when I was standing at the crossroads of, do I continue to drink?
Or do I stop drinking?
I would have definitely have felt understood and supported and not so alone standing at the crossroads because it was such a scary place to be in. And I just envisioned myself, let's say going to the left would have been the road that I had traveled on for 30 years with my drinking, going to the right would have been this new road towards alcohol freedom.
And if I had a gal standing there on that road to alcohol freedom, who was giving me her insights and really helping me with Getting more clarity on what I needed to hear to move forward, it just would have been more helpful and I'm not trying to get [00:02:00] anybody over to the sobriety side.
I believe there is a timing for all of this. And I also believe. That you don't need to wait to go alcohol free. You can just have an inkling that alcohol is not adding any value to your life and get started. And that is why I'm here. I'm here to represent the midlife gal, the gal who is having a hard time either getting to that point or is struggling in sobriety and also wants to find the positive outlook.
I am a very positive person. Now, I was not when I was drinking. I was not in 2013 at that time in my life. I only looked at the negative side, what I feared the uncertainty of it all. I had no idea what I was going to get from giving up alcohol. And I was very scared,
I wrote a few notes for this episode during a workout the other day, and I realized that what I needed to hear was coming from me. There's one thing that I almost forgot about that I heard from a family member, and I've talked about it a few times before, but not much. I don't like to talk about my family.
This really kick started my quest into sobriety, and [00:03:00] I'm going to share that in a minute. What I needed to hear really was the truth about my drinking from myself and that vision that I had of my future self. If I continue to drink, I really needed to hear my thoughts on that. And this one thing that I almost forgot about mentioning came from a cousin of mine, which I'm super grateful for my cousin for shining a light on this. I didn't want to hear it, but I really needed to hear it. And this was around 2011, I got the first hit that my drinking was more than I thought it was or different than I thought it was because I thought I was a party girl self proclaimed in 1982 at the age of 14. So at 42 ish. I was not going out partying.
I was doing most of my drinking at home and at family gatherings. And so I was with my cousins and my husband and my son who was 10 at the time.
And he mentioned, my cousin mentioned the word alcoholic to me. We were at a bar in downtown Disney while my son was playing in the arcade, even though he wasn't seeing it in a judgmental way. He was drinking too. I immediately [00:04:00] shot back with, I don't drink every day. And I painted a picture of my drinking that was totally opposite of what I had known at the time of someone with alcoholism. I remember after he said it to me. I said, I don't drink every day. And he said, it doesn't matter. From that day forward, I couldn't stop thinking about this conversation or stop talking about it with great defense to my husband, my sister, or anyone else who would listen.
How dare he say this about me? I cannot believe he would say that. Do you think I am? I was denying, defending, and determined to prove him wrong. But at the same time, after that day, cause I did drink extensively that day, I remember this flip switch the next day. And I thought about it on repeat. I thought about that word and I got this sinking feeling in my stomach.
And I started to look back on some of the patterns that I had really developed and built over the past three decades with my drinking. And this little flip switched on and it made me [00:05:00] set up. And start looking more closely at my drinking, not to quit drinking, to prove to myself and really to prove to my cousin that I didn't have to quit drinking and that he was wrong.
When I heard my cousin allude to me being an alcoholic, I didn't believe him until I started researching the signs of alcoholism. And even though I checked my fair share of boxes on those tests, am I an alcoholic? I still didn't believe it. So I started to cut back and I worked really hard for about two years so I could be a normal drinker.
And I'm using my famous air quotes, normal. around normal drinker. I had such a sinking feeling in my stomach and I can feel it right now. Every time I thought of this conversation, every time I Googled and researched something and I was like, Oh gosh, maybe I am. If I had a video of me back then, if I had some proof, the first time I realized that my drinking may be something different than I thought you would have seen a very sad, scared, but yet determined gal determined to be a woman who could enjoy drinking less.
Keyword, enjoy. I thought a normal [00:06:00] drinker was someone who didn't enjoy drinking alcohol. I have learned, and I learned even back then, that people who drink one or two glasses enjoy one or two glasses. And I did it. One or two. That was my aperitif. That was my starter. I needed to hear my cousin say this to me this day, because if he hadn't, I don't know if I would have changed my drinking ever.
I'd like to think that I would have realized this on my own, but I'm good at burying my head in the sand. And I was also very bonded to alcohol and this party girl image that I had created. I'm really grateful that he spoke up. I am grateful to myself more than anything, because I did something with this feedback.
Eventually, it got me to this point, because you got to remember, we may have gotten that first hit 10 years ago. It doesn't mean if we get these things that we need to hear that we automatically go in and change our drinking.
Not for me. That's not what happened. And for most of the women that I know does not happen overnight. But that wasn't all I needed to hear. I was saying things to myself like, when will [00:07:00] it ever be enough? How much alcohol is ever going to be enough for you? Laurie Michelle Massacott. What is the end game here? What will you be doing next year? If you're still drinking the same stuff you're doing now, are you still going to be researching and Googling and trying to figure everything out before you do something about it?
Do you expect your 30 year drinking patterns to just fizzle out? Or do you wait for something horrible to happen to stop drinking? That rock bottom, I had so many rock bottoms. How we define our rock bottoms is very personal, I believe. And there were all kinds of signs. I was asking myself questions at that point that I needed to hear, because in hearing them.
Over and over again, I was finally at that point where I was able to visualize my future and know that no matter what kind of drinker I am, I would never be a gal who is satisfied with drinking less or only on a Saturday or not. My favorite drink, the drinks I really don't like. I was chasing the buzz. I was chasing getting drunk.
I wasn't drinking out of enjoyment and I didn't think that I ever would be at that [00:08:00] person. Oh, a nice dinner. Let me have a glass of wine. That's that romantic view that we all think about when we romanticize alcohol. That was not me drinking. You don't have to relate to my story. I'm just sharing mine with you.
So you get an idea of where I was, what I really. Needed and really wanted to hear when I was standing at that crossroads were the things that happened later on the things that I started saying to myself I'm proud of you for making this positive change at this stage in your life.
But he said that to me when I stopped drinking, I wasn't saying it to myself.
I started saying to myself later on, this is pretty badass. This is something that you are doing. This is not easy to do. I started feeling confidence in myself and that's what I drank for. One of the reasons why I drank, I wanted to be more confident and I started saying, you are a badass. If I had heard somebody say that when I was quivering on the crossroads, if you go to the right, you're going to be more of a badass than you ever thought.
Possible. Maybe it would have helped, but in hindsight, you can't really say. And then also I [00:09:00] started really telling myself later on after I stopped drinking, you are okay without drinking alcohol better than okay. Those things would have been really reassuring at the point.
But I don't know if I would have believed them. I went with what I knew for a fact and the fact that. I knew that there was something different about my drinking, that it wasn't something that I can maintain and feel better, which is why I quit drinking. I wanted to feel better. I was tired of feeling like crap all the time.
I knew those things for sure. And so the other things happen, of course we do the damn thing. And then we start to realize that we are the ones that are pumping ourselves up. We are the ones that are creating momentum and motivation and inspiration in our lives to continue going. And if you're not there yet.
It's okay. I have a hundred percent confidence in you figuring out what you want to do about your drinking. If you know what you need to hear and you're just not there, you are listening to this episode. You're showing up for yourself. Give yourself lots of props for that. I talked [00:10:00] to the gal who is having a hard time letting go of alcohol.
It's not just you. If you are someone who is having a difficult time letting go, you take breaks, you go back. You are not the only one. You are not the only one. There are other women right now listening to this episode at the same time. You are who know how you feel, share your fears about their future. A group of midlife gals who know what we know and are working on changing our lives.
Oh yeah. Hell yeah. I'm with you all the way. We know what we know. Doesn't mean we're automatically going to change it, but this episode is a reminder to you to listen. If you can get there today, ask yourself what you need to hear to help you move forward into sobriety or to stay alcohol free, if that is what you choose.
Chances are you've heard it, what you need to know, but maybe you're not Paying close enough attention yet. I'm so honored to be among women who are figuring out what they want to do about their drinking and continue showing up for themselves
I am with you. 100 percent all of the way. We are all [00:11:00] badasses. And I thank you today for listening. Reminder, sign up for my email below to receive the daily sobriety toolkit freebie.
That's coming out next week and get a notification. If you're interested in enrolling in team alcohol free, which opens next week as well. I'll be back next Wednesday with my friends. The Walkup twins are here for, I believe fifth time. Talk about when alcohol is a reward. It's a fantastic episode, like all of their episodes.
So make sure you're subscribed to the podcast and we will be back together next Wednesday until then take care of yourself, my friend.
Related episodes:
How to Get Past “Forever Sober” Thinking with Co-Host’s Anne and Leigh Walkup
Why Drinking is Harder in Midlife Than Sobriety
Three Women Share Their Journey to Alcohol Freedom Later in Life
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