Listen to Help You Get Centered on Why You Don’t Want to Drink
Episode 329
One of the biggest things I share is what’s helped me stay alcohol free—focusing on why I didn’t want to drink more than why I did. That’s not easy, but it’s powerful. I call it Why Power—something I started saying years ago in a community meeting: Why Power over Willpower.
In this episode, I invite you to reflect on your reason why you don’t want to drink. If you’re like me, you could always find reasons to drink—or you didn’t even need a reason. But once you stop, the urge can sneak back in. That’s when your why becomes everything.
You have to stop and tell yourself: there’s a reason you’re not drinking. You chose it for yourself. It means you matter.
I know how easy it is to discount that reason, to feel disappointed when you do. It’s a practice you build over time, but you can do it. There’s a worksheet to help (download in the show notes). Take a pause or come back after listening—do what works for you.
Finding Your Reason—And Letting It Grow
If you’re searching for that perfect, “can’t-argue-with” reason, I get it. Honor what works best for you and don’t rush it. Your starting point is enough. A lot of us think we need everything figured out upfront, but most people find their why evolves after some time alcohol alcohol-free. For me, I couldn’t even see my reasons clearly until I took some space from alcohol.
Give yourself that time. It is okay.
My Story: How Discipline and Willpower Changed for Me
When I quit on August 11, 2013, I told myself for years that I didn’t have discipline or willpower. I had enough to finally make the change. All of us have more discipline than we realize, especially midlife women who have faced so much already.
Willpower alone is tough to rely on—it fades. But when you know your why, it pulls you forward. I wouldn’t do my strength training workouts on willpower alone; I do them because of the why behind them. The same goes for living alcohol free.
The Reflection Practice: Your Why-Power (worksheet download)
Here’s what I use and share with my group:
Ask yourself: Why do I want to live alcohol free?
Ask again: Why does that reason matter?
Ask again: Why does that reason matter?
Go as deep as you need. (Use the worksheet for this.)
My why started simple (“I want to feel better”) and went deeper with each layer: I was tired of feeling bad, I was getting older, and I was worth discovering who I really am without alcohol.
When drinking, I felt drained, foggy, and moody—even when I wasn’t drinking every night. Perimenopause and alcohol together made everything harder. After I stopped, my mood and energy lifted; I felt present and clear. I could finally see the difference between what was alcohol, perimenopause, or just me. That’s the clarity I needed.
Practical Tips for Holding On To Your Why
Write your why on a Post-it.
Journal it daily.
Sing it, say it, keep it simple—just make it real for you.
If you need more, grab the reflection worksheet or the Daily Sobriety Toolkit in the show notes.
Remember: your reason doesn’t have to be huge. It just has to matter to you.
Final Thoughts
Give yourself space from alcohol so you can find your why. Know that your reasons will grow and change. Each way of feeling is valid—there’s no perfect answer. If in doubt, give yourself one more day and remember to question gently. That’s how I found clarity with alcohol, and with so much else in my life.
Celebrate yourself today for being here. If possible, get outside for a walk—sunshine helps everything. And always remember: you can reach out to me anytime (email is in the show notes).
I’m with you!
If you would like to reach out and share your favorite self-care practices with me, please send me an email at: hellolori@lorimassicot.com.
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Hey there. Welcome to To 50 and Beyond. I’m Lori Massicot, your host, and I am so happy you’re here today.I’ve been podcasting since 2018. One of the key things I’ve talked about is how focusing on why I didn’t want to drink—more than why I did—helped me stay alcohol-free after I quit drinking. That’s really difficult to do. I call it my “why power.” I came up with that term during a community meeting years ago, and I started saying “why power over willpower.”
Today, I want to bring you a reflection to help you get centered on your reason why. If you’re like me, we can come up with so many reasons to drink—I didn’t even need a reason! But after you stop drinking, you may notice those thoughts and ideas popping up that say, “Hmm, alcohol sounds like a really good option.” The best option, even. It’s like, “Who cares what my reason is? I’m just going to throw it out the window.” Your why power matters most in those moments.
We have to practice gently pulling ourselves back and saying, “Wait a minute—there’s a reason you’re not drinking right now. You picked this for yourself.” By doing that, you’re not giving up what matters most to you—to alcohol in the moment. That tells me, “You matter, and I care about you. I care about this reason.” I’m so tired of discounting it and feeling disappointed for shrugging it off. But it’s a practice, and a habit you can absolutely create.
I have a reflection for you. There’s a worksheet you can download in the show notes. You can use it after you listen, or pause the podcast when I start to talk about breaking down your why and walking through the reflection.
Do it your way. If you feel like you need a really compelling reason why—the one you can’t talk yourself out of—I get that completely. Honor what works best for you. We can’t rush this. There’s so much pressure to get a Pinterest board of “whys” that all feel super meaningful. That’s not what today’s about. We’re talking about starting simple, because in my experience (and for a lot of other women), the “aha” moments come later.
I thought I had to have everything figured out about why I wanted to do this before I started. But most people get a few months in and then start finding these reasons they want to stay alcohol-free. For me, it was hard to drink and figure out why I didn’t want to drink, because alcohol had been my go-to solution for 30 years. I honestly felt like there weren’t a lot of reasons for me to quit, and I’ll say this—I didn’t want to quit. But I got to a point where I knew it wasn’t going to work if I kept going with my drinking.
If you feel like you need that perfect reason, give yourself some time to reflect. We have to honor what works for us.
We had a Team Alcohol-Free meeting recently called “Cha Cha Cha Changes,” all about change and the steps to change. One of those steps is preparation. I shared that the night I quit drinking was very spontaneous—I wasn't planning it. Another member said hers was really planned out and strategic, including her last hurrah right before quitting—and that worked for her. So it’s important to remember: your approach is the only one that matters. That’s the only approach to living alcohol-free that will work.
When I quit drinking on August 11, 2013, I was in a different place. As I gave myself time and distance from alcohol, new reasons surfaced. The why will change over time. I used to tell myself—and I’ve said this on the podcast a lot—that I didn’t have discipline or willpower to make big changes, like giving up alcohol after 30 years. In a recent Team Alcohol-Free meeting, a member brought up how she actually does have discipline and willpower. I appreciated her honesty. Reflecting on it, I realized that at that point in my life, I did have discipline and willpower—enough to say “I’m all in, because I can’t do another 30 years of drinking like this. I can’t even do another day or week.”
We all have enough. Willpower is fleeting. For example, if I had to rely on willpower for workouts—three days of intense strength training right now—I probably wouldn’t do any of it. My why is what keeps me going: it helps my anxiety, makes me feel better, and I love the challenge. That’s my reason why.
Midlife women and beyond—we have so much discipline! We’ve changed so much, overcome so much. You can balance willpower with why power. Why power is important because your reason matters—even if, when alcohol is involved, it suddenly seems like it doesn’t.
This is not easy or guaranteed. Part of living alcohol-free is reminding and being honest with ourselves. I avoided my own truth for a long time, but I kept repeating my reason why consistently. The further I got from alcohol, my reason became, “I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to do the last seven days or the last thirty.” Your why power will grow and expand into new reasons.
The reasons I stay alcohol-free today are the same as in 2013: I wanted to feel better. I was tired of being hungover most of the week, even after just one or two nights of drinking. I didn’t want to keep thinking about alcohol, and I didn’t want another thirty years of the same patterns—I wanted something different. Perimenopause made that even clearer: alcohol wasn’t helping.
Maybe your why is for your grandkids, to have more energy, to be more present with your family. That’s perfect. It doesn’t have to be anything else. If you can’t find a reason today, that’s okay—come back to this episode and worksheet later. Get curious and ask yourself why you don’t want to drink. For me, the more time I was away from alcohol, the more I realized I wanted to feel better, and didn’t want to go back to old patterns. I wanted better for myself.
Some days, you’ll focus on your reason why better than others. Time helped me add more reasons; I felt happier, with better mood and energy. But I also asked myself, “Is it worth it? Are you worth how hard this is?” That’s something I really worked through in those first couple of years. My why power told me that yes, I am worth it. I deserve this. If you don’t think you do, keep going one more day. I used to think, “Maybe this feeling is a fluke,” but it’s not. That’s just life. Over time, it became less about alcohol and more about my life—so many “aha” moments come when you remove alcohol.
I’ll say this till the end of the podcast: it’s hard to figure out why you don’t want to drink while you’re still drinking, and it’s because of alcohol.
Let me walk you through this reflection for understanding your why power:
Ask yourself: Why do you want to live alcohol-free?
Why does that reason matter to you?
Why does that reason matter to you?
And then, why does that reason matter to you?Check the worksheet for a deeper dive. There’s also a second page with more reflection prompts. These are some worksheets I have inside Team Alcohol-Free. You can do this practice daily. Download the daily sobriety toolkit from the show notes—it’ll help with this reflection.
Try asking yourself each morning: “Why do I want to be alcohol-free today?” I used to do that, and by day’s end, I sometimes was not alcohol-free. It’s a continuous practice all day. Make it simple—write your reason on a post-it, journal it, make copies of the worksheet, or even sing your reason out loud! For me, I kept it as simple as “I want to feel better today. I am not drinking because it makes me feel terrible.” Make the reason big enough for yourself and keep reminding yourself.
Here’s how I walked myself through the reflection with my original why:
Why do you want to live alcohol-free? Because I want to feel better.
Why does that matter? Because I’m tired of feeling bad most of the week; I only had about two days where I felt okay.
Why does that matter? Because I’m getting older and I want more for myself. I’m tired of repeating the same days.
Why does that matter? Because I am worth a better life—a life where I can get to know myself without alcohol at this stage and beyond.So for me, my why power was to feel better, but also to have a better life and get to know who I truly am without alcohol. That means something to me, and I don’t want to discount it anymore. The more distance I put between me and alcohol, the more that better life becomes my reality.
It’s not just about the why power to feel better; it’s about being worth a better life and finding myself at this stage. I wanted to know how I feel without my "ride or die" or liquid courage. I was scared of not finding that version of myself, but I was more scared of never finding her at all.
Give yourself time and grace—it’s not about perfection, just what’s in your heart and soul. Take a walk, sit in prayer, meditate, or reflect in your own way. Don’t overthink it. If you use the worksheet, you’ll find even more prompts.
One of my favorite reflections: how does drinking vs. not drinking impact your day? When I drank, I was always drained and mentally foggy, no matter how much or little. My mood and energy were all over the place, I was sad and anxious, and my sleep was terrible—even on nights I didn’t drink. Perimenopause and alcohol just didn’t mix well. I was focused on the next drink; it took over my thoughts and activities.
When I wasn’t drinking, I was more clearheaded, present, and less reactive. I could feel my energy returning, and I was so positive about the change because I knew I wasn’t adding alcohol to perimenopause. I finally could tell the difference between, “Is it perimenopause? Is it alcohol? Or is it just me and my age?” That was huge for me.
I have a podcast episode linked in the show notes to help you play the tape forward and visualize this practice.
To recap: Give yourself time away from alcohol so you can get centered on your why. Know that your why will grow with time. If you feel like your reason isn’t big enough, or you’re questioning if staying alcohol-free is worth it, do what feels best for you—your feelings are valid. Don’t force it. Give yourself just one more day if you’re struggling. In midlife and beyond, we’re constantly asking questions; starting with your alcohol relationship can give you clarity in other parts of your life too.
If you ever need help, reach out—my email is always in the show notes. Do the reflection, see what comes up, and let me know. Always celebrate yourself for showing up and doing this work.
Celebrate yourself for being here today. If possible, get outside for a walk. I’m here in San Diego, looking out at the palm trees and green grass—I can’t wait to take Frankie Blue for a walk. We’re in the low seventies right now and it’s almost 11:00 a.m., so it’s a great time to clear my mind.
Team Alcohol-Free is open for enrollment. If you want community and coaching, check the link in the show notes. We’re doing amazing things together, and you are welcome. Private coaching has two spots open for the beginning of August—email me if you’re interested in working together.
Thank you so much for being here today. Take care of yourself this week.
Peace.
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Check out these episodes next:
Unconventional Self-Care Practices
Understanding Spiritual Sobriety
My First Year of Sobriety: What I Did to Stay Alcohol-Free
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